WHY TRUE INTIMACY TAKES GUTS AND GOOD SEX NEEDS GOOD COMMUNICATION
By Dr Janet Hall
"What's wrong with me Dr Jan?" Why am I so anxious now that I have the man of my dreams? I feel like an idiot. Two years ago I was in here complaining that I was desperate because I couldn't meet anyone. Now I have been in the relationship seven months and yet I seem to be looking for an escape clause. It just doesn't make sense!"
Jenny certainly was agitated and I could understand why. She had first consulted with me two years before, because she was unhappy with single life and complained bitterly about how difficult it was for her to meet a partner. She became so confused about her inability to find her ideal relationship with a man, that she decided she may even be gay and she should pursue that scene to find out if she was really meant to be with a woman.
Jenny had joined a gay social group and even dated and had sex with several women over a year, but decided that she wasn't gay after all and it wasn't fair of her to lead someone on. (After all, she had experienced that herself in several relationships with men in the past, so she didn't want to perpetuate the pattern).
Back on the heterosexual market, Jenny was amazed to find that she met Mr Ideal when she least expected it! She went to a girlfriend's party one night as a last resort because she had nothing to do. The friend had just moved into a new neighborhood and had invited her new neighbours to the party as insurance against them complaining about the party noise.
To Jenny's amazement, she found herself hitting it off with Craig, from next door.
To her even greater amazement, she found herself going home with Craig and having the best sex ever! She didn't even feel guilty because she had had sex on her first night!
Craig and Jenny had been dating ever since, and he wanted to move in together now but Jenny had cold feet.
Jenny explained that Craig seemed really ideal in every way. He was a good listener and was putting up with the bad moods which Jenny was well known for. What had stopped working for Jenny was the sex.
She described it like this. "At first we couldn't keep our hands off each other and everything he did turned me on. But gradually I started to get bored with his routine techniques. He never took his time to make sure that I was feeling satisfied but seemed to take it for granted that if I didn't complain, it had been good for me too. Well it often wasn't!"
Jenny continued "After a few minutes of foreplay, he would assume the missionary position and get himself off. I asked him to consider oral sex because I know from being with women in the past, that oral sex is the best and quickest way for me to orgasm.
So he agreed that he would give me oral and went down for a good two minutes and hasn't done it since!"
Jenny's story is very common. Don't think I am having a go at men who are bad lovers though, as the story could just as well have been in reverse roles. Many men complain that their women would have sex swinging from the chandelier when they first got together, but now couldn't seem to care less if they never had sex again.
So what happens to make a couple who seem to initially have so much going for them, to lose their spark? I believe that the answer is in two parts -a left-brain or logical part and a right-brain or emotional part.
1. The left-brain reason for couples who lose the lust.
The biggest reason for couples losing their initial hots for each other is ignorance about their sexual needs. Typically, the man keeps up his initial speed -horny and hard and fast.
He forgets that women usually need a lot more physical stimulation and certainly needs to feel an emotional and often intellectual connection. The woman doesn't know how to communicate with him about what's happening and usually waits until she is so frustrated that she tells him when she's angry. He feels that his ego is under attack and withdraws his penis and his desire and the result is no sex-life at all.
2. The right-brain reason for couples who lose their lust.
This reason is typically only true for one member of the couple, but it sure is enough to stifle the good sex. The irony is, that with someone like Jenny, the perpetrator is not even aware that they are causing the problem, because it is an unconscious emotion.
What is it? It's the commitment phobia bug.
Jenny had always been able to have good sex when she started a relationship -be it heterosexual or bisexual. It was only when she began to truly plan a life with Craig that she began to turn off him.
Of course she made this easier for herself by blaming it on his lack of consideration for her needs during sex. Indeed, Craig needed some sexual coaching, but he was willing and able when she asked nicely and repeatedly. He just needed her to be patient, persistent and give him lots of praise for his best attempts.
Because Jenny "spat the dummy" about sex, Craig felt ripped off and didn't know how to meet her needs. All he knew was that she wasn't happy with him, yet she said that he was the best guy she had ever known in every other area.
So what does all this mean for people who want good sex to continue?
Be prepared to learn about male/female sexual needs and preferences and study the fine art of pleasing your partner before you please yourself.
For men, this means truly accepting that women do not usually get off on the "big bang".
In fact, probably only about 33% of women can orgasm with intercourse alone, and that means that most need direct stimulation of their clitoris and g-spot with tongue and fingers (and maybe vibrator, lubricant, feather….your imagination is your limitation here).
For women, it means learning that men love quickies and need to be gently encouraged to take their time if you want them to make sex last. Give them heaps of praise and shower them with compliments about their technical expertise as a lover. Give them lots of little noises of pleasure during sex too, so they know they are doing it right for you.
For everyone, it means learning that sex is very important in a relationship, but that real intimacy in a committed relationship takes time, honest and regular communication and will always have its ups and downs, so needs realistic understanding.
We are all different, regarding our sexual preferences, and a truly intimate relationship requires guts and good sex needs good communication!
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Friday, November 16, 2007
Taking the Risk to Love Again
Taking the Risk to Love Again
© February, 2002
By: Ruth Bridgewood
Relationship Coach
Fans of the pop duo Savage Garden may remember some of the words from the hit song "Affirmations" – "I believe you can’t appreciate real love till you’ve been burnt".
Haven’t we all been "burnt" by love at one time or another? At the time, it can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to us. The feelings of loss, rejection or loneliness can be very difficult to cope with and we feel like we’re the only one who has ever felt this way. I think it can be a great help if we remember that most people in the world have experienced this feeling at some time in their lives (some more often than others!). Unfortunately, many put up emotional walls around themselves in the belief that by denying themselves love and a fulfilling relationship; they will never have to go through that pain again. But by doing so they are also denying themselves the joy and fulfilment that only comes from truly connecting with another person on an intimate level.
A person I met recently hasn’t had a relationship for over 10 years. When I spoke to mutual friends, they say she was hurt so badly from a relationship many years ago that she refuses to go out and meet people. Her life is now so lacking in interest and excitement that she has actually said that she will kill herself if things don’t improve by the time she is 50. Unfortunately she doesn’t realise that she is the only person who can change her life for the better. She needs to get out of her comfort zone and take some risks before anything is likely to improve.
People, who are successful in life, whether in business, relationships, sport etc., are those who have been prepared to take a risk. It is the same with taking the risk to let down those walls and let love in again. There are no guarantees in life – there’s always a chance that the relationship won’t work and you may be hurt again, but there is a saying "That, which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger". Any adversity or painful experience gives us strength, because once we realise that we can handle it (after all, it didn’t kill you) we can learn from the experience and go on to make positive changes. When we do get back on our feet (financially, romantically, in health or whatever), we have more appreciation of life and love and all the wonderful things in the world.
There are also a number of things you can do, or things to you need to remember, to ease the pain of a broken relationship and to break down those walls:
Don’t look at a relationship that didn’t work out as a failure. Often it’s an imagined "failure" that fuels you to the success you’ve always dreamed of. .
Don’t dwell on the past – look toward your future. As Anthony Robbins said "Your past does not equal your future. Sometimes after a separation, we find ourselves dwelling on the past; our thoughts consumed with that other person. You will begin to heal when you start thinking and writing about what you want for your life".
Understand and acknowledge your part in the break up. It is easy to place all the blame on your "ex", but until you take responsibility for at least some part of the break up, you are unlikely to have fulfilling relationships in the future
Barbara De Angelis PHD, a US relationship expert, says "The emotions that you feel and express, you can heal. You can’t heal feelings that you stuff inside you. We need to actually go back in there, say the things we never said, cry the tears we never cried, get angry about the things we never got angry about, so that we don’t need to protect ourselves with those walls any more". So, have a good cry, rant and rave, punch the pillows and get it all out of you!
Read books, hire a coach or therapist, go to workshops and seminars, find articles on the internet that teach you about letting go of the past and be sure to apply the lessons.
It does take courage to take the risk to love again, but remember "Great love requires great courage". When you love deeply, with courage and commitment, your relationships and life will be filled with joy and happiness.
© February, 2002
By: Ruth Bridgewood
Relationship Coach
Fans of the pop duo Savage Garden may remember some of the words from the hit song "Affirmations" – "I believe you can’t appreciate real love till you’ve been burnt".
Haven’t we all been "burnt" by love at one time or another? At the time, it can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to us. The feelings of loss, rejection or loneliness can be very difficult to cope with and we feel like we’re the only one who has ever felt this way. I think it can be a great help if we remember that most people in the world have experienced this feeling at some time in their lives (some more often than others!). Unfortunately, many put up emotional walls around themselves in the belief that by denying themselves love and a fulfilling relationship; they will never have to go through that pain again. But by doing so they are also denying themselves the joy and fulfilment that only comes from truly connecting with another person on an intimate level.
A person I met recently hasn’t had a relationship for over 10 years. When I spoke to mutual friends, they say she was hurt so badly from a relationship many years ago that she refuses to go out and meet people. Her life is now so lacking in interest and excitement that she has actually said that she will kill herself if things don’t improve by the time she is 50. Unfortunately she doesn’t realise that she is the only person who can change her life for the better. She needs to get out of her comfort zone and take some risks before anything is likely to improve.
People, who are successful in life, whether in business, relationships, sport etc., are those who have been prepared to take a risk. It is the same with taking the risk to let down those walls and let love in again. There are no guarantees in life – there’s always a chance that the relationship won’t work and you may be hurt again, but there is a saying "That, which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger". Any adversity or painful experience gives us strength, because once we realise that we can handle it (after all, it didn’t kill you) we can learn from the experience and go on to make positive changes. When we do get back on our feet (financially, romantically, in health or whatever), we have more appreciation of life and love and all the wonderful things in the world.
There are also a number of things you can do, or things to you need to remember, to ease the pain of a broken relationship and to break down those walls:
Don’t look at a relationship that didn’t work out as a failure. Often it’s an imagined "failure" that fuels you to the success you’ve always dreamed of. .
Don’t dwell on the past – look toward your future. As Anthony Robbins said "Your past does not equal your future. Sometimes after a separation, we find ourselves dwelling on the past; our thoughts consumed with that other person. You will begin to heal when you start thinking and writing about what you want for your life".
Understand and acknowledge your part in the break up. It is easy to place all the blame on your "ex", but until you take responsibility for at least some part of the break up, you are unlikely to have fulfilling relationships in the future
Barbara De Angelis PHD, a US relationship expert, says "The emotions that you feel and express, you can heal. You can’t heal feelings that you stuff inside you. We need to actually go back in there, say the things we never said, cry the tears we never cried, get angry about the things we never got angry about, so that we don’t need to protect ourselves with those walls any more". So, have a good cry, rant and rave, punch the pillows and get it all out of you!
Read books, hire a coach or therapist, go to workshops and seminars, find articles on the internet that teach you about letting go of the past and be sure to apply the lessons.
It does take courage to take the risk to love again, but remember "Great love requires great courage". When you love deeply, with courage and commitment, your relationships and life will be filled with joy and happiness.
Why men delay marriage. And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.
Why men delay marriage.
And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.
It’s true, today more than ever men are in no hurry to commit to long term relationships with women. And while some women continue to seek ways to get men to commit to them, others are simply fed up and are no longer trying. These women have taken the stand, “it’s a man’s issue, let them deal with it, and we as women have to get on with our lives with or without men.”
Many women are convinced it’s just a man’s thing to experiment with different sexual partners until well into their thirties before settling down in a committed relationship; but it’s more complicated than that. And if women were to pay close attention to what men say and do, they may understand how wrong some of their assumptions about men are. For example, although men like to sow their wild oats, they soon grow tired and long to settle down with a single partner.
In 2002 a Psychological Studies report put out by the University of Southern California showed 99% of college men and women said they wanted to have a committed relationship in the future. Most of the men however said they would like to put off commitment typically for a period of five years. This variation from tradition is typical among young men of all walks of life today. In times past men began to consider marriage soon after graduating from college, trade schools or apprenticeships and were gainfully employed.
So what social change has brought about this new behavior in men? Why are men not anxious to rush out and find the woman of their dreams so they can get married and settle down? The short answer is because they don’t have to. When asked, men gave several reasons why they were not ready for a committed relationship. But I believe there are four factors which significantly influence modern men’s attitude toward commitment.
1.Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them. Why: Simply because men can get sex (the number one reason why men married in the past) from a number of readily available sources, in many cases with no strings attached.
2.Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. The emotional suffering caused by a break up could be devastating to men, but they express more concern for the risk of financial losses they may suffer if and when confronted with divorce proceedings.
3.It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. And although men have always been aware of the changes that marriage brings, they accepted them as part of the territory; “when a man marries his troubles begin.” But whether or not today’s men are aware of this old saying, one thing is certain. They are not ready to be plucked from their comfort zones and thrown into a life of responsibility, compromise and sacrifice. And by their own admissions this is the life they believe awaits them whenever they decide to take what they consider the final plunge.
4.Before they take that final plunge however they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice. As one man puts it “Imagine how I would feel if someone better comes along and I’m already in a committed relationship?”
How to get your man to happily commit to you
Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you. When given a choice most people do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest. A man will not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced he will get what he wants now, with reasonable expectations he will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want.
So finding the way to a man’s heart might be easier than you think. A word of caution though; this does not relate to women who are fully aware that their chances of getting their man to commit are slim to none, such as:
1. Women who remained too long in relationships with men who do not have and never had any intentions to commit to them.
2. Relationships of convenience where the woman feels trapped, but is afraid to bring up the subject of commitment for fear of loosing the man forever.
3. The woman who gets the feeling the man is ready to commit possibly with someone else, but not to her.
These suggestions refer to relationships where men want to commit but are genuinely fearful. Pay little attention to the previously well-publicized strategies that promise to motivate your man to commit to you; they do not work and men are weary of them. Anyway, if you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is ready. And sometimes the way he perceives you can give him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind.
Nine ways to win your man’s heart so he will want to commit to you
1.Be reasonably certain he is the kind of man with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life.
The thought of commitment should not enter your mind unless you are convinced he is the one for you. You have to know him well enough to determine: He is able to commit; He possesses many of the qualities you’ve always looked for in a man; you can’t help but to respect and admire him; He has already passed your test for honesty, integrity and consideration for others, and you must be reasonably certain he is falling in love with you.
2.Always be who you are. And don’t be afraid to express yourself the way you’re accustomed to.
This is probably the most important quality men look for in a woman. Ninety-nine percent of men in numerous surveys said so, and women whose character changed after marriage ranked number one on the list of causes for marriage break ups. Resist the urge to try to make a man feel important by conforming and not voicing your true opinions or laughing at his jokes when they are not funny. If for no other reason, consider the possibility he may be testing you
3.Show him you’re independent.
Men are weary of women who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. Let him know although you welcome his input in many ways, you are perfectly capable of doing things without him; in fact sometimes you prefer to do things on your own. For example you may want to see a certain movie, but he’s too busy to go with you. Instead of sulking, cheerfully tell him you’ll go by yourself, and do it.
Until he commits to you, do not make major changes in your life with a view of accommodating him. If you had plans to purchase your new condominium go ahead as if he was not in the picture. It may seem wise to hold off on your plans pending a commitment from him. Don’t, he may get the impression you’re not as independent as he thought. If you mention your plans to him do so only for the purpose of information and not as a means of forcing him to make a decision to commit to you. The purpose here is to genuinely show him that your life goes on with or without him.
4.Show him you are a kind and loving person.
As surprising as it may seem, a man needs someone who loves him and whom he could love in return. This may seem obvious to many, but the more women are becoming empowered by their independence the more intolerant they are becoming with men who are slow to adapt. Men see these women as insensitive and most likely incapable of love. So in her own way a woman needs to show a man that although she is capable of going it alone, she has a burning desire to share love with the man in her life.
5.Show him you’re interested in him for who he is and not what he can do for you.
I’ve asked men what would be the one thing they would like to know most about a woman before they marry her. Overwhelmingly men said “to be certain that the woman loved them for themselves and not as a means to an end. This is understandable. No man likes to feel that a woman chose him because he is a good provider, a model citizen or a potentially good father; all of these things are also important to men. But a man is happier when he knows that his woman chooses him because he is her best friend; someone she would want by her side no matter what his situation may be. So how do you let him know you want him primarily for the person he is?
Show interest in his life, his likes and dislikes and his values. Talk about his career, but pay more attention of how personally rewarding it is for him instead of how economically lucrative it may be. Tell him what attracted you to him in the first place, e.g. “There was something about the way you smile”
6.Do not play games to get him to pursue you.
Men are fully aware of the games some women play to get their attention. They may even be intrigued by the challenge and do whatever it takes to win you but may never commit to you. Flirting with other guys to make him jealous or manipulating him so that he chases after you may seem to work for a while. But how could he trust you if he thinks you’re a manipulator. Even if he is fascinated by you, a man would be afraid to commit to a woman if he has the slightest doubt about her trustworthiness.
7.Let him know you have no intention of changing him
If a man feels committing to a woman will drastically change his lifestyle he will aggressively resist commitment even when he thinks he loves her. You don’t have to fit in every part of his life so even if there are some areas of incompatibility let him understand that you can compromise. Let him know you have no objection to him spending a night watching football with his friends instead of being with you. Don’t make him feel that he has to make the best of his time now because his life would change (of course for the better) once you become a couple.
8.Always maintain your femininity with special emphasis on physical appearance.
Men like women who can fit in with their friends; women who they feel can be almost like one of the boys. So having a great sense of humor, socializing without getting bogged down with too much detail makes you extremely desirable, but be careful; Men also want women who are particular about their femininity which includes being kind, loving, gentle and always conscious of their physical appearance. So being one of the boys should not be confused with looking like them. And even though it may seem like men are not overly concerned with your looks, never let your guard down.
Now we’re not talking catwalk model material here, but we expect you to look as if you’ve taken time with your appearance. This means using clothing that bring out your best qualities, maintain proper posture, (your mother was right) tastefully manicured hands and feet and regular use of mouthwash especially if you smoke or drink beer.
9. Don’t rush or appear to rush the relationship.
You may think he is taking too long to make up his mind about you. Relax! This may be a good thing; maybe he wants to be certain he’s making a sound decision.
Don’t give him the impression you’re impatient, cheerfully carry on with your normal routine. Don’t suggest he takes you to meet his parents or invite him to meet yours, unless he asks, it’s better to let him make such decisions on his own. Remember your goal is to provide him with the information he needs to make up his mind and at the same time give him all the space he requires while doing so. And if you believe he’s truly the man for you and followed the suggestions outlined in this article, you would not have to wait very long.
And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.
It’s true, today more than ever men are in no hurry to commit to long term relationships with women. And while some women continue to seek ways to get men to commit to them, others are simply fed up and are no longer trying. These women have taken the stand, “it’s a man’s issue, let them deal with it, and we as women have to get on with our lives with or without men.”
Many women are convinced it’s just a man’s thing to experiment with different sexual partners until well into their thirties before settling down in a committed relationship; but it’s more complicated than that. And if women were to pay close attention to what men say and do, they may understand how wrong some of their assumptions about men are. For example, although men like to sow their wild oats, they soon grow tired and long to settle down with a single partner.
In 2002 a Psychological Studies report put out by the University of Southern California showed 99% of college men and women said they wanted to have a committed relationship in the future. Most of the men however said they would like to put off commitment typically for a period of five years. This variation from tradition is typical among young men of all walks of life today. In times past men began to consider marriage soon after graduating from college, trade schools or apprenticeships and were gainfully employed.
So what social change has brought about this new behavior in men? Why are men not anxious to rush out and find the woman of their dreams so they can get married and settle down? The short answer is because they don’t have to. When asked, men gave several reasons why they were not ready for a committed relationship. But I believe there are four factors which significantly influence modern men’s attitude toward commitment.
1.Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them. Why: Simply because men can get sex (the number one reason why men married in the past) from a number of readily available sources, in many cases with no strings attached.
2.Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. The emotional suffering caused by a break up could be devastating to men, but they express more concern for the risk of financial losses they may suffer if and when confronted with divorce proceedings.
3.It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. And although men have always been aware of the changes that marriage brings, they accepted them as part of the territory; “when a man marries his troubles begin.” But whether or not today’s men are aware of this old saying, one thing is certain. They are not ready to be plucked from their comfort zones and thrown into a life of responsibility, compromise and sacrifice. And by their own admissions this is the life they believe awaits them whenever they decide to take what they consider the final plunge.
4.Before they take that final plunge however they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice. As one man puts it “Imagine how I would feel if someone better comes along and I’m already in a committed relationship?”
How to get your man to happily commit to you
Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you. When given a choice most people do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest. A man will not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced he will get what he wants now, with reasonable expectations he will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want.
So finding the way to a man’s heart might be easier than you think. A word of caution though; this does not relate to women who are fully aware that their chances of getting their man to commit are slim to none, such as:
1. Women who remained too long in relationships with men who do not have and never had any intentions to commit to them.
2. Relationships of convenience where the woman feels trapped, but is afraid to bring up the subject of commitment for fear of loosing the man forever.
3. The woman who gets the feeling the man is ready to commit possibly with someone else, but not to her.
These suggestions refer to relationships where men want to commit but are genuinely fearful. Pay little attention to the previously well-publicized strategies that promise to motivate your man to commit to you; they do not work and men are weary of them. Anyway, if you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is ready. And sometimes the way he perceives you can give him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind.
Nine ways to win your man’s heart so he will want to commit to you
1.Be reasonably certain he is the kind of man with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life.
The thought of commitment should not enter your mind unless you are convinced he is the one for you. You have to know him well enough to determine: He is able to commit; He possesses many of the qualities you’ve always looked for in a man; you can’t help but to respect and admire him; He has already passed your test for honesty, integrity and consideration for others, and you must be reasonably certain he is falling in love with you.
2.Always be who you are. And don’t be afraid to express yourself the way you’re accustomed to.
This is probably the most important quality men look for in a woman. Ninety-nine percent of men in numerous surveys said so, and women whose character changed after marriage ranked number one on the list of causes for marriage break ups. Resist the urge to try to make a man feel important by conforming and not voicing your true opinions or laughing at his jokes when they are not funny. If for no other reason, consider the possibility he may be testing you
3.Show him you’re independent.
Men are weary of women who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. Let him know although you welcome his input in many ways, you are perfectly capable of doing things without him; in fact sometimes you prefer to do things on your own. For example you may want to see a certain movie, but he’s too busy to go with you. Instead of sulking, cheerfully tell him you’ll go by yourself, and do it.
Until he commits to you, do not make major changes in your life with a view of accommodating him. If you had plans to purchase your new condominium go ahead as if he was not in the picture. It may seem wise to hold off on your plans pending a commitment from him. Don’t, he may get the impression you’re not as independent as he thought. If you mention your plans to him do so only for the purpose of information and not as a means of forcing him to make a decision to commit to you. The purpose here is to genuinely show him that your life goes on with or without him.
4.Show him you are a kind and loving person.
As surprising as it may seem, a man needs someone who loves him and whom he could love in return. This may seem obvious to many, but the more women are becoming empowered by their independence the more intolerant they are becoming with men who are slow to adapt. Men see these women as insensitive and most likely incapable of love. So in her own way a woman needs to show a man that although she is capable of going it alone, she has a burning desire to share love with the man in her life.
5.Show him you’re interested in him for who he is and not what he can do for you.
I’ve asked men what would be the one thing they would like to know most about a woman before they marry her. Overwhelmingly men said “to be certain that the woman loved them for themselves and not as a means to an end. This is understandable. No man likes to feel that a woman chose him because he is a good provider, a model citizen or a potentially good father; all of these things are also important to men. But a man is happier when he knows that his woman chooses him because he is her best friend; someone she would want by her side no matter what his situation may be. So how do you let him know you want him primarily for the person he is?
Show interest in his life, his likes and dislikes and his values. Talk about his career, but pay more attention of how personally rewarding it is for him instead of how economically lucrative it may be. Tell him what attracted you to him in the first place, e.g. “There was something about the way you smile”
6.Do not play games to get him to pursue you.
Men are fully aware of the games some women play to get their attention. They may even be intrigued by the challenge and do whatever it takes to win you but may never commit to you. Flirting with other guys to make him jealous or manipulating him so that he chases after you may seem to work for a while. But how could he trust you if he thinks you’re a manipulator. Even if he is fascinated by you, a man would be afraid to commit to a woman if he has the slightest doubt about her trustworthiness.
7.Let him know you have no intention of changing him
If a man feels committing to a woman will drastically change his lifestyle he will aggressively resist commitment even when he thinks he loves her. You don’t have to fit in every part of his life so even if there are some areas of incompatibility let him understand that you can compromise. Let him know you have no objection to him spending a night watching football with his friends instead of being with you. Don’t make him feel that he has to make the best of his time now because his life would change (of course for the better) once you become a couple.
8.Always maintain your femininity with special emphasis on physical appearance.
Men like women who can fit in with their friends; women who they feel can be almost like one of the boys. So having a great sense of humor, socializing without getting bogged down with too much detail makes you extremely desirable, but be careful; Men also want women who are particular about their femininity which includes being kind, loving, gentle and always conscious of their physical appearance. So being one of the boys should not be confused with looking like them. And even though it may seem like men are not overly concerned with your looks, never let your guard down.
Now we’re not talking catwalk model material here, but we expect you to look as if you’ve taken time with your appearance. This means using clothing that bring out your best qualities, maintain proper posture, (your mother was right) tastefully manicured hands and feet and regular use of mouthwash especially if you smoke or drink beer.
9. Don’t rush or appear to rush the relationship.
You may think he is taking too long to make up his mind about you. Relax! This may be a good thing; maybe he wants to be certain he’s making a sound decision.
Don’t give him the impression you’re impatient, cheerfully carry on with your normal routine. Don’t suggest he takes you to meet his parents or invite him to meet yours, unless he asks, it’s better to let him make such decisions on his own. Remember your goal is to provide him with the information he needs to make up his mind and at the same time give him all the space he requires while doing so. And if you believe he’s truly the man for you and followed the suggestions outlined in this article, you would not have to wait very long.
Why men delay marriage. And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.
Why men delay marriage.
And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.
It’s true, today more than ever men are in no hurry to commit to long term relationships with women. And while some women continue to seek ways to get men to commit to them, others are simply fed up and are no longer trying. These women have taken the stand, “it’s a man’s issue, let them deal with it, and we as women have to get on with our lives with or without men.”
Many women are convinced it’s just a man’s thing to experiment with different sexual partners until well into their thirties before settling down in a committed relationship; but it’s more complicated than that. And if women were to pay close attention to what men say and do, they may understand how wrong some of their assumptions about men are. For example, although men like to sow their wild oats, they soon grow tired and long to settle down with a single partner.
In 2002 a Psychological Studies report put out by the University of Southern California showed 99% of college men and women said they wanted to have a committed relationship in the future. Most of the men however said they would like to put off commitment typically for a period of five years. This variation from tradition is typical among young men of all walks of life today. In times past men began to consider marriage soon after graduating from college, trade schools or apprenticeships and were gainfully employed.
So what social change has brought about this new behavior in men? Why are men not anxious to rush out and find the woman of their dreams so they can get married and settle down? The short answer is because they don’t have to. When asked, men gave several reasons why they were not ready for a committed relationship. But I believe there are four factors which significantly influence modern men’s attitude toward commitment.
1.Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them. Why: Simply because men can get sex (the number one reason why men married in the past) from a number of readily available sources, in many cases with no strings attached.
2.Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. The emotional suffering caused by a break up could be devastating to men, but they express more concern for the risk of financial losses they may suffer if and when confronted with divorce proceedings.
3.It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. And although men have always been aware of the changes that marriage brings, they accepted them as part of the territory; “when a man marries his troubles begin.” But whether or not today’s men are aware of this old saying, one thing is certain. They are not ready to be plucked from their comfort zones and thrown into a life of responsibility, compromise and sacrifice. And by their own admissions this is the life they believe awaits them whenever they decide to take what they consider the final plunge.
4.Before they take that final plunge however they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice. As one man puts it “Imagine how I would feel if someone better comes along and I’m already in a committed relationship?”
How to get your man to happily commit to you
Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you. When given a choice most people do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest. A man will not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced he will get what he wants now, with reasonable expectations he will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want.
So finding the way to a man’s heart might be easier than you think. A word of caution though; this does not relate to women who are fully aware that their chances of getting their man to commit are slim to none, such as:
1. Women who remained too long in relationships with men who do not have and never had any intentions to commit to them.
2. Relationships of convenience where the woman feels trapped, but is afraid to bring up the subject of commitment for fear of loosing the man forever.
3. The woman who gets the feeling the man is ready to commit possibly with someone else, but not to her.
These suggestions refer to relationships where men want to commit but are genuinely fearful. Pay little attention to the previously well-publicized strategies that promise to motivate your man to commit to you; they do not work and men are weary of them. Anyway, if you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is ready. And sometimes the way he perceives you can give him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind.
Nine ways to win your man’s heart so he will want to commit to you
1.Be reasonably certain he is the kind of man with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life.
The thought of commitment should not enter your mind unless you are convinced he is the one for you. You have to know him well enough to determine: He is able to commit; He possesses many of the qualities you’ve always looked for in a man; you can’t help but to respect and admire him; He has already passed your test for honesty, integrity and consideration for others, and you must be reasonably certain he is falling in love with you.
2.Always be who you are. And don’t be afraid to express yourself the way you’re accustomed to.
This is probably the most important quality men look for in a woman. Ninety-nine percent of men in numerous surveys said so, and women whose character changed after marriage ranked number one on the list of causes for marriage break ups. Resist the urge to try to make a man feel important by conforming and not voicing your true opinions or laughing at his jokes when they are not funny. If for no other reason, consider the possibility he may be testing you
3.Show him you’re independent.
Men are weary of women who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. Let him know although you welcome his input in many ways, you are perfectly capable of doing things without him; in fact sometimes you prefer to do things on your own. For example you may want to see a certain movie, but he’s too busy to go with you. Instead of sulking, cheerfully tell him you’ll go by yourself, and do it.
Until he commits to you, do not make major changes in your life with a view of accommodating him. If you had plans to purchase your new condominium go ahead as if he was not in the picture. It may seem wise to hold off on your plans pending a commitment from him. Don’t, he may get the impression you’re not as independent as he thought. If you mention your plans to him do so only for the purpose of information and not as a means of forcing him to make a decision to commit to you. The purpose here is to genuinely show him that your life goes on with or without him.
4.Show him you are a kind and loving person.
As surprising as it may seem, a man needs someone who loves him and whom he could love in return. This may seem obvious to many, but the more women are becoming empowered by their independence the more intolerant they are becoming with men who are slow to adapt. Men see these women as insensitive and most likely incapable of love. So in her own way a woman needs to show a man that although she is capable of going it alone, she has a burning desire to share love with the man in her life.
5.Show him you’re interested in him for who he is and not what he can do for you.
I’ve asked men what would be the one thing they would like to know most about a woman before they marry her. Overwhelmingly men said “to be certain that the woman loved them for themselves and not as a means to an end. This is understandable. No man likes to feel that a woman chose him because he is a good provider, a model citizen or a potentially good father; all of these things are also important to men. But a man is happier when he knows that his woman chooses him because he is her best friend; someone she would want by her side no matter what his situation may be. So how do you let him know you want him primarily for the person he is?
Show interest in his life, his likes and dislikes and his values. Talk about his career, but pay more attention of how personally rewarding it is for him instead of how economically lucrative it may be. Tell him what attracted you to him in the first place, e.g. “There was something about the way you smile”
6.Do not play games to get him to pursue you.
Men are fully aware of the games some women play to get their attention. They may even be intrigued by the challenge and do whatever it takes to win you but may never commit to you. Flirting with other guys to make him jealous or manipulating him so that he chases after you may seem to work for a while. But how could he trust you if he thinks you’re a manipulator. Even if he is fascinated by you, a man would be afraid to commit to a woman if he has the slightest doubt about her trustworthiness.
7.Let him know you have no intention of changing him
If a man feels committing to a woman will drastically change his lifestyle he will aggressively resist commitment even when he thinks he loves her. You don’t have to fit in every part of his life so even if there are some areas of incompatibility let him understand that you can compromise. Let him know you have no objection to him spending a night watching football with his friends instead of being with you. Don’t make him feel that he has to make the best of his time now because his life would change (of course for the better) once you become a couple.
8.Always maintain your femininity with special emphasis on physical appearance.
Men like women who can fit in with their friends; women who they feel can be almost like one of the boys. So having a great sense of humor, socializing without getting bogged down with too much detail makes you extremely desirable, but be careful; Men also want women who are particular about their femininity which includes being kind, loving, gentle and always conscious of their physical appearance. So being one of the boys should not be confused with looking like them. And even though it may seem like men are not overly concerned with your looks, never let your guard down.
Now we’re not talking catwalk model material here, but we expect you to look as if you’ve taken time with your appearance. This means using clothing that bring out your best qualities, maintain proper posture, (your mother was right) tastefully manicured hands and feet and regular use of mouthwash especially if you smoke or drink beer.
9. Don’t rush or appear to rush the relationship.
You may think he is taking too long to make up his mind about you. Relax! This may be a good thing; maybe he wants to be certain he’s making a sound decision.
Don’t give him the impression you’re impatient, cheerfully carry on with your normal routine. Don’t suggest he takes you to meet his parents or invite him to meet yours, unless he asks, it’s better to let him make such decisions on his own. Remember your goal is to provide him with the information he needs to make up his mind and at the same time give him all the space he requires while doing so. And if you believe he’s truly the man for you and followed the suggestions outlined in this article, you would not have to wait very long.
And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.
It’s true, today more than ever men are in no hurry to commit to long term relationships with women. And while some women continue to seek ways to get men to commit to them, others are simply fed up and are no longer trying. These women have taken the stand, “it’s a man’s issue, let them deal with it, and we as women have to get on with our lives with or without men.”
Many women are convinced it’s just a man’s thing to experiment with different sexual partners until well into their thirties before settling down in a committed relationship; but it’s more complicated than that. And if women were to pay close attention to what men say and do, they may understand how wrong some of their assumptions about men are. For example, although men like to sow their wild oats, they soon grow tired and long to settle down with a single partner.
In 2002 a Psychological Studies report put out by the University of Southern California showed 99% of college men and women said they wanted to have a committed relationship in the future. Most of the men however said they would like to put off commitment typically for a period of five years. This variation from tradition is typical among young men of all walks of life today. In times past men began to consider marriage soon after graduating from college, trade schools or apprenticeships and were gainfully employed.
So what social change has brought about this new behavior in men? Why are men not anxious to rush out and find the woman of their dreams so they can get married and settle down? The short answer is because they don’t have to. When asked, men gave several reasons why they were not ready for a committed relationship. But I believe there are four factors which significantly influence modern men’s attitude toward commitment.
1.Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them. Why: Simply because men can get sex (the number one reason why men married in the past) from a number of readily available sources, in many cases with no strings attached.
2.Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. The emotional suffering caused by a break up could be devastating to men, but they express more concern for the risk of financial losses they may suffer if and when confronted with divorce proceedings.
3.It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. And although men have always been aware of the changes that marriage brings, they accepted them as part of the territory; “when a man marries his troubles begin.” But whether or not today’s men are aware of this old saying, one thing is certain. They are not ready to be plucked from their comfort zones and thrown into a life of responsibility, compromise and sacrifice. And by their own admissions this is the life they believe awaits them whenever they decide to take what they consider the final plunge.
4.Before they take that final plunge however they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice. As one man puts it “Imagine how I would feel if someone better comes along and I’m already in a committed relationship?”
How to get your man to happily commit to you
Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you. When given a choice most people do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest. A man will not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced he will get what he wants now, with reasonable expectations he will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want.
So finding the way to a man’s heart might be easier than you think. A word of caution though; this does not relate to women who are fully aware that their chances of getting their man to commit are slim to none, such as:
1. Women who remained too long in relationships with men who do not have and never had any intentions to commit to them.
2. Relationships of convenience where the woman feels trapped, but is afraid to bring up the subject of commitment for fear of loosing the man forever.
3. The woman who gets the feeling the man is ready to commit possibly with someone else, but not to her.
These suggestions refer to relationships where men want to commit but are genuinely fearful. Pay little attention to the previously well-publicized strategies that promise to motivate your man to commit to you; they do not work and men are weary of them. Anyway, if you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is ready. And sometimes the way he perceives you can give him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind.
Nine ways to win your man’s heart so he will want to commit to you
1.Be reasonably certain he is the kind of man with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life.
The thought of commitment should not enter your mind unless you are convinced he is the one for you. You have to know him well enough to determine: He is able to commit; He possesses many of the qualities you’ve always looked for in a man; you can’t help but to respect and admire him; He has already passed your test for honesty, integrity and consideration for others, and you must be reasonably certain he is falling in love with you.
2.Always be who you are. And don’t be afraid to express yourself the way you’re accustomed to.
This is probably the most important quality men look for in a woman. Ninety-nine percent of men in numerous surveys said so, and women whose character changed after marriage ranked number one on the list of causes for marriage break ups. Resist the urge to try to make a man feel important by conforming and not voicing your true opinions or laughing at his jokes when they are not funny. If for no other reason, consider the possibility he may be testing you
3.Show him you’re independent.
Men are weary of women who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. Let him know although you welcome his input in many ways, you are perfectly capable of doing things without him; in fact sometimes you prefer to do things on your own. For example you may want to see a certain movie, but he’s too busy to go with you. Instead of sulking, cheerfully tell him you’ll go by yourself, and do it.
Until he commits to you, do not make major changes in your life with a view of accommodating him. If you had plans to purchase your new condominium go ahead as if he was not in the picture. It may seem wise to hold off on your plans pending a commitment from him. Don’t, he may get the impression you’re not as independent as he thought. If you mention your plans to him do so only for the purpose of information and not as a means of forcing him to make a decision to commit to you. The purpose here is to genuinely show him that your life goes on with or without him.
4.Show him you are a kind and loving person.
As surprising as it may seem, a man needs someone who loves him and whom he could love in return. This may seem obvious to many, but the more women are becoming empowered by their independence the more intolerant they are becoming with men who are slow to adapt. Men see these women as insensitive and most likely incapable of love. So in her own way a woman needs to show a man that although she is capable of going it alone, she has a burning desire to share love with the man in her life.
5.Show him you’re interested in him for who he is and not what he can do for you.
I’ve asked men what would be the one thing they would like to know most about a woman before they marry her. Overwhelmingly men said “to be certain that the woman loved them for themselves and not as a means to an end. This is understandable. No man likes to feel that a woman chose him because he is a good provider, a model citizen or a potentially good father; all of these things are also important to men. But a man is happier when he knows that his woman chooses him because he is her best friend; someone she would want by her side no matter what his situation may be. So how do you let him know you want him primarily for the person he is?
Show interest in his life, his likes and dislikes and his values. Talk about his career, but pay more attention of how personally rewarding it is for him instead of how economically lucrative it may be. Tell him what attracted you to him in the first place, e.g. “There was something about the way you smile”
6.Do not play games to get him to pursue you.
Men are fully aware of the games some women play to get their attention. They may even be intrigued by the challenge and do whatever it takes to win you but may never commit to you. Flirting with other guys to make him jealous or manipulating him so that he chases after you may seem to work for a while. But how could he trust you if he thinks you’re a manipulator. Even if he is fascinated by you, a man would be afraid to commit to a woman if he has the slightest doubt about her trustworthiness.
7.Let him know you have no intention of changing him
If a man feels committing to a woman will drastically change his lifestyle he will aggressively resist commitment even when he thinks he loves her. You don’t have to fit in every part of his life so even if there are some areas of incompatibility let him understand that you can compromise. Let him know you have no objection to him spending a night watching football with his friends instead of being with you. Don’t make him feel that he has to make the best of his time now because his life would change (of course for the better) once you become a couple.
8.Always maintain your femininity with special emphasis on physical appearance.
Men like women who can fit in with their friends; women who they feel can be almost like one of the boys. So having a great sense of humor, socializing without getting bogged down with too much detail makes you extremely desirable, but be careful; Men also want women who are particular about their femininity which includes being kind, loving, gentle and always conscious of their physical appearance. So being one of the boys should not be confused with looking like them. And even though it may seem like men are not overly concerned with your looks, never let your guard down.
Now we’re not talking catwalk model material here, but we expect you to look as if you’ve taken time with your appearance. This means using clothing that bring out your best qualities, maintain proper posture, (your mother was right) tastefully manicured hands and feet and regular use of mouthwash especially if you smoke or drink beer.
9. Don’t rush or appear to rush the relationship.
You may think he is taking too long to make up his mind about you. Relax! This may be a good thing; maybe he wants to be certain he’s making a sound decision.
Don’t give him the impression you’re impatient, cheerfully carry on with your normal routine. Don’t suggest he takes you to meet his parents or invite him to meet yours, unless he asks, it’s better to let him make such decisions on his own. Remember your goal is to provide him with the information he needs to make up his mind and at the same time give him all the space he requires while doing so. And if you believe he’s truly the man for you and followed the suggestions outlined in this article, you would not have to wait very long.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
How To Stop jealousy in Your Relationship or Marriage...
How To Stop jealousy in Your Relationship or Marriage...
Hi all
So let's get started with today's lesson...
One thing that we've discovered in helping people like you with
jealousy issues in their lives is that it takes two to create this
situation and both people have to take responsibility for having
jealousy as an issue in the relationship.
It's been our experience that both people need to make
the commitment to heal the issue in order for the relationship to
become all it can be.
We know what you're saying right now...
"I know it's a problem but it's his/her problem--not mine."
While it is true that you are not the jealous one, it is a problem
in your life and you probably want it to change or you wouldn't be
reading these messages. Even though you aren't the jealous one, you
have to take responsibility and make the commitment to healing it in
your life.
After working with hundreds of individuals and couples to help them
overcome jealousy, we can absolutely tell you one thing about
overcoming jealousy...
Without taking responsibility for having the issue and making the
commitment to healing it, your partner's jealousy will never go away.
It will just continue to hurt like pouring salt into an open wound
until you make the decision to once and for all do something about it.
Today's "assignment" is to write down how you can take
responsibility for helping to create this situation.
In your "bird's eye view" exploration and looking at your
feelings and actions, did you see anything that you could do
differently when your partner
becomes jealous?
This certainly is not to "blame" you for the jealousy but to simply
begin looking at how you can begin to make changes that will help
heal your relationship.
In the coming lessons, we'll be giving you specific ways to make
changes in your relationship but for now, decide to take your share
of the responsibility for your relationship.
Again, thanks for requesting these sample lessons on overcoming
jealousy and know that by choosing to go through this material, you
have taken a big step toward making positive changes in your life!
Blessings,
Susie and Otto Collins
Hi all
So let's get started with today's lesson...
One thing that we've discovered in helping people like you with
jealousy issues in their lives is that it takes two to create this
situation and both people have to take responsibility for having
jealousy as an issue in the relationship.
It's been our experience that both people need to make
the commitment to heal the issue in order for the relationship to
become all it can be.
We know what you're saying right now...
"I know it's a problem but it's his/her problem--not mine."
While it is true that you are not the jealous one, it is a problem
in your life and you probably want it to change or you wouldn't be
reading these messages. Even though you aren't the jealous one, you
have to take responsibility and make the commitment to healing it in
your life.
After working with hundreds of individuals and couples to help them
overcome jealousy, we can absolutely tell you one thing about
overcoming jealousy...
Without taking responsibility for having the issue and making the
commitment to healing it, your partner's jealousy will never go away.
It will just continue to hurt like pouring salt into an open wound
until you make the decision to once and for all do something about it.
Today's "assignment" is to write down how you can take
responsibility for helping to create this situation.
In your "bird's eye view" exploration and looking at your
feelings and actions, did you see anything that you could do
differently when your partner
becomes jealous?
This certainly is not to "blame" you for the jealousy but to simply
begin looking at how you can begin to make changes that will help
heal your relationship.
In the coming lessons, we'll be giving you specific ways to make
changes in your relationship but for now, decide to take your share
of the responsibility for your relationship.
Again, thanks for requesting these sample lessons on overcoming
jealousy and know that by choosing to go through this material, you
have taken a big step toward making positive changes in your life!
Blessings,
Susie and Otto Collins
Friday, November 9, 2007
Let Go of What Let Go of What's Holding You Back
Let Go of What Let Go of What's Holding You Back
It was wonderful meeting so many of you on The Energy Bus National Tour this summer. Thank you to all those who came to our events. You made every mile worthwhile.
I have to say, it was a long journey. 30 cites and thousands of miles. Much harder than I thought it would be, but more rewarding too!
At one point on the journey I looked in the rearview mirror and realized I had all this stuff on my bus that I didn't need. Why did I travel with all these bags of useless stuff for so long, I wondered?
I believe every one of us can say the same about our life journey. We hold on to bags that only weigh us down. We simply carry too many bags around with us. For some it’s the bags of "the past” or the bags of disappointment. For others it’s bags of distrust, fear, burden and pain.
The truth is that every one of us has at least one bag that holds us back from greater success, joy, love and prosperity. It holds us back, slows us down, and drains our positive energy—keeping us from the success and life we desire.
You know which bags I'm talking about. I don’t have to tell you what they are. They affect your work, your life and your relationships. Just as I looked in the rearview mirror of my bus and knew which bags needed to go, you can look in the rear view mirror of your life and know which bags need to be left behind.
Then you can do what I did. I didn’t want to drive heavy. I wanted to travel light. So I let the bags off the bus. You can do the same.
As author Max Lucado says, in his amazing book “Traveling Light” you can release the burdens you were never meant to carry.
I remember the moment I let the bags off my bus. I was somewhere past Phoenix driving through the dessert. I found a big trash can and put the bags where they belonged. I got back in the bus with the past behind me and a road full of daylight ahead. A big smile came upon my face. I was now free to enjoy the ride.
I hope you'll do the same.
Share this newsletter with a co-worker or friend and encourage them to let go of what is holding them back.
Sending Positive Energy Your Way!
It was wonderful meeting so many of you on The Energy Bus National Tour this summer. Thank you to all those who came to our events. You made every mile worthwhile.
I have to say, it was a long journey. 30 cites and thousands of miles. Much harder than I thought it would be, but more rewarding too!
At one point on the journey I looked in the rearview mirror and realized I had all this stuff on my bus that I didn't need. Why did I travel with all these bags of useless stuff for so long, I wondered?
I believe every one of us can say the same about our life journey. We hold on to bags that only weigh us down. We simply carry too many bags around with us. For some it’s the bags of "the past” or the bags of disappointment. For others it’s bags of distrust, fear, burden and pain.
The truth is that every one of us has at least one bag that holds us back from greater success, joy, love and prosperity. It holds us back, slows us down, and drains our positive energy—keeping us from the success and life we desire.
You know which bags I'm talking about. I don’t have to tell you what they are. They affect your work, your life and your relationships. Just as I looked in the rearview mirror of my bus and knew which bags needed to go, you can look in the rear view mirror of your life and know which bags need to be left behind.
Then you can do what I did. I didn’t want to drive heavy. I wanted to travel light. So I let the bags off the bus. You can do the same.
As author Max Lucado says, in his amazing book “Traveling Light” you can release the burdens you were never meant to carry.
I remember the moment I let the bags off my bus. I was somewhere past Phoenix driving through the dessert. I found a big trash can and put the bags where they belonged. I got back in the bus with the past behind me and a road full of daylight ahead. A big smile came upon my face. I was now free to enjoy the ride.
I hope you'll do the same.
Share this newsletter with a co-worker or friend and encourage them to let go of what is holding them back.
Sending Positive Energy Your Way!
How to Get Help From Your Intuition
How to Get Help from Your Intuition
So just how do you get your intuition to help you when you need it
the most?
How do you get your intuition to help you make the right decision,
find something that is missing, get a new job, meet the right
partner, start the right business, make the right investment, buy
the right house, or help you create the life you want?
Your intuition can help you achieve anything you want - anything.
Here are a few simple steps that you can follow.
First decide what it is you want, be very clear and specific and
set a time frame.
In our case - we wanted to make a decision about our car - yes you
can ask for help making a decision.
Next - tell yourself that you have what you want right now. In the
case of making a decision - tell yourself that you have made the
right decisions.
Picture it, see it in your hand, or see it in your life, or see the
event unfold as you want and tell yourself that you have what you
want right now.
With our car we were very specific and clear and outlined all of
the options.
Finally, let go and trust that you will have what you want at the
right time or you will get something better.
We let go when we accepted that we may keep the car or sell it and
get a new one.
You let go when you accept that your happiness is not dependant on
the outcome of a particular event, or having something that you
feel you really need.
Understand that your intuition is at work for you all the time and
if you don't get what you want; your intuition will provide you
with something even better.
I know that may be hard to believe - but when you accept it you
will discover just how caring and powerful your intuition really is.
When you follow the steps I just outlined your intuition will help
you get what you want and more.
You can make the right decisions.
You can find something that is missing.
You can get what you want when you work with your intuition.
So just how do you get your intuition to help you when you need it
the most?
How do you get your intuition to help you make the right decision,
find something that is missing, get a new job, meet the right
partner, start the right business, make the right investment, buy
the right house, or help you create the life you want?
Your intuition can help you achieve anything you want - anything.
Here are a few simple steps that you can follow.
First decide what it is you want, be very clear and specific and
set a time frame.
In our case - we wanted to make a decision about our car - yes you
can ask for help making a decision.
Next - tell yourself that you have what you want right now. In the
case of making a decision - tell yourself that you have made the
right decisions.
Picture it, see it in your hand, or see it in your life, or see the
event unfold as you want and tell yourself that you have what you
want right now.
With our car we were very specific and clear and outlined all of
the options.
Finally, let go and trust that you will have what you want at the
right time or you will get something better.
We let go when we accepted that we may keep the car or sell it and
get a new one.
You let go when you accept that your happiness is not dependant on
the outcome of a particular event, or having something that you
feel you really need.
Understand that your intuition is at work for you all the time and
if you don't get what you want; your intuition will provide you
with something even better.
I know that may be hard to believe - but when you accept it you
will discover just how caring and powerful your intuition really is.
When you follow the steps I just outlined your intuition will help
you get what you want and more.
You can make the right decisions.
You can find something that is missing.
You can get what you want when you work with your intuition.
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