Have you ever had an argument that destroyed a friendship, and then wished you'd known how to avoid it? Here is friendship advice on how you can easily avoid that situation again.
Here are some easy rules or suggestions to remember that might help avoid an argument between friends.
1) Make sure both sides of the dispute get equally heard. Too many times, one person does all of the talking. No matter how tempted you are to start talking, always be ready to listen as well, and not just half-heartedly. Understand what your friend says, just as you expect them to do when it’s your turn to talk.
2) Don't insist on having the last word or the first, all of the time. People very often become defensive and uncooperative when they feel that their words are being overrun by self-imposition of another’s. If you initiate the conversation, don’t be the one to finish it too. Cooperate with your friend and they will be more willing to cooperate with you.
3) Next, the dreaded subject of the honest opinion. First off, don't waste time trying to be nice about something that you don’t really believe to be true. Sooner or later, false words are going to come back to bite you and they often destroy bridges. So, don’t shy away from giving your honest opinion when it's asked for. But, just remember that while criticism is a good growing aid, it’s never helpful to be too critical. You should be honest, but never nasty. If you can't stand a single thing about the person, then admit that you can't be friends. However, for the sake of common courtesy, tell the other person without being rude or mean. Being complimentary and kind are favored as long as you're honest.
4) This next rule is not favored much. But nevertheless, don't insist that your opinion is the foremost and the only one. Pushy people aren't popular. On the other hand, don't be overly passive either. Make sure your friends know exactly where you stand on the issue at hand and then leave it at that. Don't force, but don't give in to any pressure to conform if the issue is something you feel strongly about.
5) Be helpful. Learn moderation. Help out when your friends need it, not just when it's convenient for you.
6) Compromise. Learn to bend at times. Be flexible. If you are able to try different things while keeping an open mind, you’ll find yourselves a lot happier with your friendship and with yourself.
7) Be understanding. Don't laugh at troubles your friend may be having and don’t get mad at them. Instead, offer them a shoulder to lean on; even if the trouble involves you. Learn to understand one another.
In conclusion, it's safe to say that people will want a friend who at least
tries to be all of the above. If you follow these few simple suggestions, you might have a friend for life.
Members
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5010754875
Monday, October 29, 2007
marriage
Marriage is built on the foundation of love, trust and commitment. A union in which two people are joined to enjoy a life-long love that endures many tests. Many people will walk into a marriage blindly with false expectations thinking that the honeymoon will never end. The true test of a marriage is having the ability and the willingness to overcome difficulties and grow from past mistakes. However, it becomes challenging when issues continually arise and compromise is almost impossible. The truth is many allow love and romance to be the determining factor for a marriage. True, you must have both for the marriage to work. But soon the newness ends and reality presents itself, and an important question arises. Are you and your partner compatible?
Compatibility is vital, yet it is something that many relationships lack. In a marriage you must know your own needs, plus the needs of your mate. If one is not satified a strain will be felt in the marriage. It is impossible to like everything your mate does, however too many different interests and tastes will weaken the bond. Those contemplating marriage need to have a two-way communication. Important matters such as whom will handle the money, where the couple will live, and what type of discipline will be used for children should be discussed prior to marriage. Couples have a tendency to wait until after marriage to talk about these matters and find themselves disagreeing.
The person you marry should be your best friend. This is the individual who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage partners should know each other inside and out: their wants, needs, interest, goals, fears, and desires. Couples that rush into marriage and do not value the friendship aspect may find themselves consulting with others about their confidential marriage issues. This lack of friendship may also lead to infidelity. Not being able or feeling uncomfortable with finding comfort in your partner will end in seeking comfort elsewhere.
Friendships that evolve into relationships are lasting. The individuals have already established a bond and have come to know each other. This is good because we tend to show our friends our true self quicker than we would someone pursuing us. Our friends see our weaknesses and faults, as well as our strengths and virtues. Friends know our background and the reason we may behave a certain way.
Compatibility will never be perfect. We are all imperfect and have faults. Some of these faults we see early and others not until later. The couple that is truly compatible and have developed a friendship will deal with problems accordingly. The love must be strong enough to endure and the good must outweigh the bad. This results in a strong, solid marriage foundation.
Compatibility is vital, yet it is something that many relationships lack. In a marriage you must know your own needs, plus the needs of your mate. If one is not satified a strain will be felt in the marriage. It is impossible to like everything your mate does, however too many different interests and tastes will weaken the bond. Those contemplating marriage need to have a two-way communication. Important matters such as whom will handle the money, where the couple will live, and what type of discipline will be used for children should be discussed prior to marriage. Couples have a tendency to wait until after marriage to talk about these matters and find themselves disagreeing.
The person you marry should be your best friend. This is the individual who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage partners should know each other inside and out: their wants, needs, interest, goals, fears, and desires. Couples that rush into marriage and do not value the friendship aspect may find themselves consulting with others about their confidential marriage issues. This lack of friendship may also lead to infidelity. Not being able or feeling uncomfortable with finding comfort in your partner will end in seeking comfort elsewhere.
Friendships that evolve into relationships are lasting. The individuals have already established a bond and have come to know each other. This is good because we tend to show our friends our true self quicker than we would someone pursuing us. Our friends see our weaknesses and faults, as well as our strengths and virtues. Friends know our background and the reason we may behave a certain way.
Compatibility will never be perfect. We are all imperfect and have faults. Some of these faults we see early and others not until later. The couple that is truly compatible and have developed a friendship will deal with problems accordingly. The love must be strong enough to endure and the good must outweigh the bad. This results in a strong, solid marriage foundation.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Marriage and partner’s behaviour:
Marriage and partner’s behaviour:
Each person has own character and quality, the individuality identifies when reflected through communication and practice. Major characters which effect married life are Negative/ Positive, Introverted/ extroverted and strong/ weak, these characters control us. In some negative dominates and in some positive dominates, and what dominates reveals through reaction. As I observed, there is almost no house where wife says my husband is perfect also the opinion of husband is same for his wife. So one has to agree as no one is perfect, need an endeavour to work for the objective of marriage. Strength of marriage lies on how you understand and react to the partner’s behaviour. If both partners understand each other, react in accordance would avoid clashes and violence. In each house there is opinion differences; to manage is the quality of both partners:
To extinguish fire, water or other cool substance is the solution. To be cool when find possibility of arguments and settle the mater in right environment. Arguments become clash and then differences in the partnership only accelerates distasteful married life, is one of the reasons of infidelity.
Many couples do not like each other’s odour rather can not stand, in such cases during sleep any important discussion may result to arguments. Because is already irritated by the distaste of odour to give positive response.
Many small-pity incidences like he/she does not dress well, very slow, does not clean well, does not smile, talk too much or too serious and etc, etc, together form a big consolidated issue, when minded and stored in self stimulates dislike towards partner.
In many houses, beginning of arguments cursing each other for not doing this or done that, is normally stimulated by development of dislike of prior incidences. In such families dominant person’s ego of being efficient and intelligent pursues partner to act accordingly. Such characters are too extroverted and negative which prevents them calculating others mind. They have a feeling what they think is right. No one is same and each one has intelligence but in different forms, one is good at kitchen and other in arranging. Avoiding comparison softens relation.
Women are more emotional than men. Women use heart to think and Men use brain. So women need emotional touch up, attention and presence recognized.
Each person has own character and quality, the individuality identifies when reflected through communication and practice. Major characters which effect married life are Negative/ Positive, Introverted/ extroverted and strong/ weak, these characters control us. In some negative dominates and in some positive dominates, and what dominates reveals through reaction. As I observed, there is almost no house where wife says my husband is perfect also the opinion of husband is same for his wife. So one has to agree as no one is perfect, need an endeavour to work for the objective of marriage. Strength of marriage lies on how you understand and react to the partner’s behaviour. If both partners understand each other, react in accordance would avoid clashes and violence. In each house there is opinion differences; to manage is the quality of both partners:
To extinguish fire, water or other cool substance is the solution. To be cool when find possibility of arguments and settle the mater in right environment. Arguments become clash and then differences in the partnership only accelerates distasteful married life, is one of the reasons of infidelity.
Many couples do not like each other’s odour rather can not stand, in such cases during sleep any important discussion may result to arguments. Because is already irritated by the distaste of odour to give positive response.
Many small-pity incidences like he/she does not dress well, very slow, does not clean well, does not smile, talk too much or too serious and etc, etc, together form a big consolidated issue, when minded and stored in self stimulates dislike towards partner.
In many houses, beginning of arguments cursing each other for not doing this or done that, is normally stimulated by development of dislike of prior incidences. In such families dominant person’s ego of being efficient and intelligent pursues partner to act accordingly. Such characters are too extroverted and negative which prevents them calculating others mind. They have a feeling what they think is right. No one is same and each one has intelligence but in different forms, one is good at kitchen and other in arranging. Avoiding comparison softens relation.
Women are more emotional than men. Women use heart to think and Men use brain. So women need emotional touch up, attention and presence recognized.
4 Major Reasons Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by Paul Jones
4 Major Reasons Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by Paul Jones
No one gets married expecting to get divorced. Why bother in the first place? We are filled with hope when we say "I Do" to that other person. But the cold reality is that, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high and is rising every day.
Many people think they have to watch out for the infamous seven-year itch that comes about after seven years of marriage. Today, couples need to watch out for the two-year itch. Dissatisfaction in marriages happens earlier and earlier as people become more disillusioned with their dreams when they don't become reality as quickly as they think it should. And now, a divorce is easier to get than a driver's license.
Think it's a travesty? Maybe it is. But it's reality. So why do marriages fail? While the answers to that question are many, there is a growing body of research to suggest there are four negative risk factors that create barriers to oneness in marriage and increase a couple's chances for marital failure.
The First, negative behavior patterns can have a hugely negative impact on a marriage. This occurs when partners respond negatively to each other continually upping the ante so the conversation gets more and more hostile.
When a conversation escalates into an argument, this creates tension that can eat away at a marriage. Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight.
Frequently there are threats to end the relationship. Over time those angry words damage oneness, and angry threats to leave begin to seem like prophecy. Once negative comments are made, they are hard to take back and drive a knife into the partner's heart.
The second next negative factor that contributes to the erosion of marriage is invalidation. Invalidation is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings, or character of the other.
Invalidation can take many forms. Sometimes it can be caustic, in which one partner (or both) attacks the other person verbally. You can hear, and even feel, the contempt one partner has for another.
Sarcastic phrases like "Well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you" or "I forgot how lucky I am to be married to you" can cut like a knife. These are attacks on the person's character and personality that easily destroy a marriage. Research has found that invalidation is one of the best predictors of future problems and failure of a marriage.
Negative interpretations are the third risk factor toward a failing marriage. Negative interpretations occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case.
Such behavior can be a very destructive pattern in a relationship, and quickly erode intimacy and oneness in a marriage. A wife may believe that her husband does not like her parents. As a result, she may attack him anytime he is not overly enthusiastic about visiting them. He may be concerned with the financial cost of going home for Christmas or about whether he has enough vacation time. She, in turn, considers his behavior as disliking her parents.
When a relationship becomes more distressed, the negative interpretations mount and help create an environment of hopelessness. The attacked partner gives up trying to make himself or herself clear and becomes demoralized.
Finally, there is withdrawal and avoidance. These are two different manifestations of the problem wherein a partner is unwilling to get in or stay in a discussion that is too threatening.
Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as 'turning off' or 'shutting down' during an argument. The withdrawer often tends to get quiet during an argument, look away, or agree quickly to a partner's suggestion just to end the conversation, with no real intention of following through
Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to get into certain discussions, with more emphasis on the attempt to not let the conversation happen in the first place. A person prone to avoidance would prefer that the topic not come up and, if it does, may manifest the signs of withdrawal just described.
The research shows that couples that want a good marriage need to eliminate these risk factors from their marriage, or else the negative factors will overwhelm the positive aspects of the marriage. It is never too late to put your marriage back on track.
No one gets married expecting to get divorced. Why bother in the first place? We are filled with hope when we say "I Do" to that other person. But the cold reality is that, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high and is rising every day.
Many people think they have to watch out for the infamous seven-year itch that comes about after seven years of marriage. Today, couples need to watch out for the two-year itch. Dissatisfaction in marriages happens earlier and earlier as people become more disillusioned with their dreams when they don't become reality as quickly as they think it should. And now, a divorce is easier to get than a driver's license.
Think it's a travesty? Maybe it is. But it's reality. So why do marriages fail? While the answers to that question are many, there is a growing body of research to suggest there are four negative risk factors that create barriers to oneness in marriage and increase a couple's chances for marital failure.
The First, negative behavior patterns can have a hugely negative impact on a marriage. This occurs when partners respond negatively to each other continually upping the ante so the conversation gets more and more hostile.
When a conversation escalates into an argument, this creates tension that can eat away at a marriage. Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight.
Frequently there are threats to end the relationship. Over time those angry words damage oneness, and angry threats to leave begin to seem like prophecy. Once negative comments are made, they are hard to take back and drive a knife into the partner's heart.
The second next negative factor that contributes to the erosion of marriage is invalidation. Invalidation is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings, or character of the other.
Invalidation can take many forms. Sometimes it can be caustic, in which one partner (or both) attacks the other person verbally. You can hear, and even feel, the contempt one partner has for another.
Sarcastic phrases like "Well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you" or "I forgot how lucky I am to be married to you" can cut like a knife. These are attacks on the person's character and personality that easily destroy a marriage. Research has found that invalidation is one of the best predictors of future problems and failure of a marriage.
Negative interpretations are the third risk factor toward a failing marriage. Negative interpretations occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case.
Such behavior can be a very destructive pattern in a relationship, and quickly erode intimacy and oneness in a marriage. A wife may believe that her husband does not like her parents. As a result, she may attack him anytime he is not overly enthusiastic about visiting them. He may be concerned with the financial cost of going home for Christmas or about whether he has enough vacation time. She, in turn, considers his behavior as disliking her parents.
When a relationship becomes more distressed, the negative interpretations mount and help create an environment of hopelessness. The attacked partner gives up trying to make himself or herself clear and becomes demoralized.
Finally, there is withdrawal and avoidance. These are two different manifestations of the problem wherein a partner is unwilling to get in or stay in a discussion that is too threatening.
Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as 'turning off' or 'shutting down' during an argument. The withdrawer often tends to get quiet during an argument, look away, or agree quickly to a partner's suggestion just to end the conversation, with no real intention of following through
Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to get into certain discussions, with more emphasis on the attempt to not let the conversation happen in the first place. A person prone to avoidance would prefer that the topic not come up and, if it does, may manifest the signs of withdrawal just described.
The research shows that couples that want a good marriage need to eliminate these risk factors from their marriage, or else the negative factors will overwhelm the positive aspects of the marriage. It is never too late to put your marriage back on track.
how to overcome jealousy in your relationship or marriage.
how to overcome jealousy in your relationship or marriage.
This, and the other lessons to follow on overcoming jealousy,
are sample lessons and based on the information you'll find
in our best selling book and audio program called "No More
Jealousy."
In this lessons, we suggest that you begin focusing and
celebrating on what is "right" or good in your relationship
and ask your partner to do the same.
Begin focusing on what is working and what you want
Essentially, we're suggesting that you take some time and
intentionally find the good in yourself, in your partner
and in your relationship--and talk with each other about
what you discover.
This is important because very often people spend a lot of
time focusing on what's going wrong in their relationships
and not on what's "going right." They spend a lot of time
focusing on jealousy or any other challenge but not on the
love that is or once was between them.
In life and in your relationships, whatever you focus on, you
attract more of. We're suggesting that if you want more joy,
connection and love in your life--and to heal your jealousy--
that you spend more time focusing on these things than the
things you want less of or want to eliminate.
This is a simple, yet powerful message that most of us know
but forget. Everyone knows that when we have positive thoughts
and give positive feedback to those in our life, everybody
feels better.
But what do most of us do? We continue to dwell on negative
thoughts and give negative feedback to our loved ones.
Start today to bring more love into your life by appreciating
what is going right.
Many blessings to you,
This, and the other lessons to follow on overcoming jealousy,
are sample lessons and based on the information you'll find
in our best selling book and audio program called "No More
Jealousy."
In this lessons, we suggest that you begin focusing and
celebrating on what is "right" or good in your relationship
and ask your partner to do the same.
Begin focusing on what is working and what you want
Essentially, we're suggesting that you take some time and
intentionally find the good in yourself, in your partner
and in your relationship--and talk with each other about
what you discover.
This is important because very often people spend a lot of
time focusing on what's going wrong in their relationships
and not on what's "going right." They spend a lot of time
focusing on jealousy or any other challenge but not on the
love that is or once was between them.
In life and in your relationships, whatever you focus on, you
attract more of. We're suggesting that if you want more joy,
connection and love in your life--and to heal your jealousy--
that you spend more time focusing on these things than the
things you want less of or want to eliminate.
This is a simple, yet powerful message that most of us know
but forget. Everyone knows that when we have positive thoughts
and give positive feedback to those in our life, everybody
feels better.
But what do most of us do? We continue to dwell on negative
thoughts and give negative feedback to our loved ones.
Start today to bring more love into your life by appreciating
what is going right.
Many blessings to you,
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Marital Depression & How to avoid it
Marital Depression & How to avoid it
If you suffer depression, please find help at Love-Sessions
Weddings are considered the most special events that will take place in anyone’s life. As true as that is, it is also a fact that many people find themselves suffering from marital depression soon after the wedding and honeymoon takes place. Though this may be common, it is still something the majority of people cannot understand or are even aware of.
So what is marital depression and what are the responsible reasons behind it? Though marital depression can carry many different reasons behind, there is one common reason that almost every single person shares, and that reason is disorganization. This means that most people do not organize, as a couple, what will take place after the wedding and honeymoon pass through. Both men and women can suffer from marital depression, but it is more common in women, for the reason that women become more deeply involved in making their whole wedding experience “perfect”. From the beginning of their relationship, women have a tendency to start creating a fantasy world in their minds of how they would like their lives to be with their partners. It is a fantasy they plan out so detailed and carefully, that it actually becomes a subconscious reality to them, setting them for marital depression ahead.
When most people think of marriage, they mostly think about the type of wedding celebration they would like to have, and where they would like to experience their honeymoon. It usually stops here, which is why many disappointments come to surface later. Even though a couple may have invested many years together before deciding to take that big step into marriage, it still requires a lot of planning, teamwork and agreements on many things regarding how things will be handled once they get settled into their new marriage together. One fantasy you must get out of your head is that your marriage will be like one big romantic date where things will always run smoothly without any problems. The truth is, as wonderful as marriage really can be; it also carries its share of challenges and obstacles. The truth is, whether you want to hear it or not, your marriage will not be picture perfect all the time. There will be times you and your spouse will disagree and find yourselves facing a challenge you both feel can even be impossible to get through.
Marital Depression & How to avoid it (Part 2) for part 1 - click here
For relationship help at Love-Sessions
Your marriage may suffer from occasional problems, but it does not need to end in marital depression or unsolved conflicts. The key to maintaining a healthy yet realistic marriage is to use direct communication before and after your wedding takes place. Do not make the wedding ceremony and honeymoon the most important priority to you. Instead of focusing too much on the wedding and honeymoon, focus on preparing your marriage. Together with your partner, discuss what you will do once you come home from the honeymoon, and what patterns you plan to follow and what your expectations from marriage. This will avoid any misunderstandings or unpleasant surprises down the road. It is also essential to keep in mind, that maintaining the romance and sexual department is just as important as it was before you got married. Continue to go out on dates and plan special activities together, as well as being occasionally spontaneous.
Accepting that married life is not a fairytale book that takes its own perfect course will keep you from getting marital depression. Accept the fact that although you may be life partners, you are still individuals who will think and feel differently at times- and it does not mean that you are incompatible, just human beings with your own beliefs and personalities. Practicing is not a bad idea either. For instance, create a situation where you feel things are not going so great and where you feel things are not picture perfect- and where you and your partner are disagreeing. Once you have done that, come up with several methods on how you could handle such situations if they were to come to surface. By becoming familiar with conflicts ahead of time and practicing how you would handle them, you will prepare yourself with the knowledge and strength on accepting the realities of marriages, and how to deal with those realities when they come to you, so you can live a healthy and depression-free marriage together.
If you suffer depression, please find help at Love-Sessions
Weddings are considered the most special events that will take place in anyone’s life. As true as that is, it is also a fact that many people find themselves suffering from marital depression soon after the wedding and honeymoon takes place. Though this may be common, it is still something the majority of people cannot understand or are even aware of.
So what is marital depression and what are the responsible reasons behind it? Though marital depression can carry many different reasons behind, there is one common reason that almost every single person shares, and that reason is disorganization. This means that most people do not organize, as a couple, what will take place after the wedding and honeymoon pass through. Both men and women can suffer from marital depression, but it is more common in women, for the reason that women become more deeply involved in making their whole wedding experience “perfect”. From the beginning of their relationship, women have a tendency to start creating a fantasy world in their minds of how they would like their lives to be with their partners. It is a fantasy they plan out so detailed and carefully, that it actually becomes a subconscious reality to them, setting them for marital depression ahead.
When most people think of marriage, they mostly think about the type of wedding celebration they would like to have, and where they would like to experience their honeymoon. It usually stops here, which is why many disappointments come to surface later. Even though a couple may have invested many years together before deciding to take that big step into marriage, it still requires a lot of planning, teamwork and agreements on many things regarding how things will be handled once they get settled into their new marriage together. One fantasy you must get out of your head is that your marriage will be like one big romantic date where things will always run smoothly without any problems. The truth is, as wonderful as marriage really can be; it also carries its share of challenges and obstacles. The truth is, whether you want to hear it or not, your marriage will not be picture perfect all the time. There will be times you and your spouse will disagree and find yourselves facing a challenge you both feel can even be impossible to get through.
Marital Depression & How to avoid it (Part 2) for part 1 - click here
For relationship help at Love-Sessions
Your marriage may suffer from occasional problems, but it does not need to end in marital depression or unsolved conflicts. The key to maintaining a healthy yet realistic marriage is to use direct communication before and after your wedding takes place. Do not make the wedding ceremony and honeymoon the most important priority to you. Instead of focusing too much on the wedding and honeymoon, focus on preparing your marriage. Together with your partner, discuss what you will do once you come home from the honeymoon, and what patterns you plan to follow and what your expectations from marriage. This will avoid any misunderstandings or unpleasant surprises down the road. It is also essential to keep in mind, that maintaining the romance and sexual department is just as important as it was before you got married. Continue to go out on dates and plan special activities together, as well as being occasionally spontaneous.
Accepting that married life is not a fairytale book that takes its own perfect course will keep you from getting marital depression. Accept the fact that although you may be life partners, you are still individuals who will think and feel differently at times- and it does not mean that you are incompatible, just human beings with your own beliefs and personalities. Practicing is not a bad idea either. For instance, create a situation where you feel things are not going so great and where you feel things are not picture perfect- and where you and your partner are disagreeing. Once you have done that, come up with several methods on how you could handle such situations if they were to come to surface. By becoming familiar with conflicts ahead of time and practicing how you would handle them, you will prepare yourself with the knowledge and strength on accepting the realities of marriages, and how to deal with those realities when they come to you, so you can live a healthy and depression-free marriage together.
Top things man ' Hate ' about woman
Top things man ' Hate ' about woman
Men always find women attractive and try their best to woo her. A woman always needs to be loved and taken care of. In today’s society women have taken up powerful corporate and social positions and are making headlines. Carly Fiorina of ex. HP CEO and Indra Nooyi of Pepsi are just two examples. A woman, no matter how powerful, always needs support from a man and vice versa. Men have always lent their shoulders for her to rest on. On the flip side, men have certain complaints about her and we are here to discuss that.
Imagine you are busy in an important meeting and the phone keeps on ringing, even though you disconnected it a couple of times. Certainly you would find it dislikable, and this is one point that men find annoying in a woman. Women sometimes fail to understand that her partner or husband have other work apart from answering her calls and tending to her constantly- it makes them seem too needy, which usually a big turn off for a man. Many men find it quite irritating when their partners shout at them because the shirt is not at the proper place or the trousers are lying on the ground, for example- because it comes off as a nagging attitude. A Man always wants his woman to take active interest in his work and indifference in that aspect definitely annoys him, because he feels she does not care if interest in not genuinely expressed.
These factors do not really cause a dent in a relationship necessarily, but definitely small ripples are created. A man and a woman should be careful of not invading into each other’s personal space too much. Men sometimes do not like the self centered attitude of women. Women are sometimes so worried about themselves that they forget there are other people around. Over possessiveness, jealously and undue interest in other men are certain traits that a man dislikes in a woman.
Imagine you both having a coffee and suddenly a good looking man walks in. Your girlfriend suddenly starts to talk about him and gives undue attention and starts comparing you. Is this something that you would appreciate? Certainly not! After all we all have our own feelings and being compared to another man without any justification surely hurts.
There are several other factors that can turn off a man’s feeling towards a woman. If a woman tries to exhibit too much of manliness that can definitely turn off a man. Women often fail to take care of their physical appearance after child birth or after being with their partner for a while. This is something that bothers men, as they are visual creatures. While women do not and should torture themselves to look a certain way and be a certain size, a woman should invest her best efforts in staying in healthy physical shape- for herself and to please her partner. There is nothing wrong with men and women doing things to please each other, as long as it is done in a healthy manner and no one is being criticized in a hurtful way or having unrealistic expectations put on them.
Some Women are too worried about the materialistic things in life. They forget the finer points in a relationship and become too worried about that big car or a big house. This fact sometimes annoys men, especially if he is not able to fulfill her requirements or it seems like she is never pleased. To maintain a happy relationship, a woman should always try to understand the parameters of her partner and not push him too hard for materialistic things. Spending too much money on jewelry, clothing and ignoring the needs of her partner sometimes disturb men and make him think of the relationship with doubt.
Another important factor that can play spoilsport in a relationship is the lack of interest in sex. After a certain period in relationship women tend to lose interest in sex. This is something that bothers her partner and leaves him confused. If there is a genuine reason it should be discussed between the partners to enjoy the bliss of togetherness.
Some of the factors mentioned above are truly disturbing for men. The silver lining is all this can be sorted out if the partners try to accommodate each other and share their opinions. A woman should always discuss her problems in a relationship with her partner, rather than gossiping with friends or keeping it all inside, assuming he will figure it out. This may further deepen the dent in a relationship. Every man craves for a certain amount of importance from his partner. He feels good if he gets priority in the finer things in life from his partner. It is always important for a woman to display her feminine characteristics to the best of her ability. This, along with team work can make a man happy and drive a relationship to the pinnacle of happiness.
Men always find women attractive and try their best to woo her. A woman always needs to be loved and taken care of. In today’s society women have taken up powerful corporate and social positions and are making headlines. Carly Fiorina of ex. HP CEO and Indra Nooyi of Pepsi are just two examples. A woman, no matter how powerful, always needs support from a man and vice versa. Men have always lent their shoulders for her to rest on. On the flip side, men have certain complaints about her and we are here to discuss that.
Imagine you are busy in an important meeting and the phone keeps on ringing, even though you disconnected it a couple of times. Certainly you would find it dislikable, and this is one point that men find annoying in a woman. Women sometimes fail to understand that her partner or husband have other work apart from answering her calls and tending to her constantly- it makes them seem too needy, which usually a big turn off for a man. Many men find it quite irritating when their partners shout at them because the shirt is not at the proper place or the trousers are lying on the ground, for example- because it comes off as a nagging attitude. A Man always wants his woman to take active interest in his work and indifference in that aspect definitely annoys him, because he feels she does not care if interest in not genuinely expressed.
These factors do not really cause a dent in a relationship necessarily, but definitely small ripples are created. A man and a woman should be careful of not invading into each other’s personal space too much. Men sometimes do not like the self centered attitude of women. Women are sometimes so worried about themselves that they forget there are other people around. Over possessiveness, jealously and undue interest in other men are certain traits that a man dislikes in a woman.
Imagine you both having a coffee and suddenly a good looking man walks in. Your girlfriend suddenly starts to talk about him and gives undue attention and starts comparing you. Is this something that you would appreciate? Certainly not! After all we all have our own feelings and being compared to another man without any justification surely hurts.
There are several other factors that can turn off a man’s feeling towards a woman. If a woman tries to exhibit too much of manliness that can definitely turn off a man. Women often fail to take care of their physical appearance after child birth or after being with their partner for a while. This is something that bothers men, as they are visual creatures. While women do not and should torture themselves to look a certain way and be a certain size, a woman should invest her best efforts in staying in healthy physical shape- for herself and to please her partner. There is nothing wrong with men and women doing things to please each other, as long as it is done in a healthy manner and no one is being criticized in a hurtful way or having unrealistic expectations put on them.
Some Women are too worried about the materialistic things in life. They forget the finer points in a relationship and become too worried about that big car or a big house. This fact sometimes annoys men, especially if he is not able to fulfill her requirements or it seems like she is never pleased. To maintain a happy relationship, a woman should always try to understand the parameters of her partner and not push him too hard for materialistic things. Spending too much money on jewelry, clothing and ignoring the needs of her partner sometimes disturb men and make him think of the relationship with doubt.
Another important factor that can play spoilsport in a relationship is the lack of interest in sex. After a certain period in relationship women tend to lose interest in sex. This is something that bothers her partner and leaves him confused. If there is a genuine reason it should be discussed between the partners to enjoy the bliss of togetherness.
Some of the factors mentioned above are truly disturbing for men. The silver lining is all this can be sorted out if the partners try to accommodate each other and share their opinions. A woman should always discuss her problems in a relationship with her partner, rather than gossiping with friends or keeping it all inside, assuming he will figure it out. This may further deepen the dent in a relationship. Every man craves for a certain amount of importance from his partner. He feels good if he gets priority in the finer things in life from his partner. It is always important for a woman to display her feminine characteristics to the best of her ability. This, along with team work can make a man happy and drive a relationship to the pinnacle of happiness.
Changing the way you look at yourself
Changing the way you look at yourself
For Advice from an expert at Love-Sessions
Day by day, the majority of us have a painful war with ourselves. It is a constant fight that includes constant criticism, pressure, anger, sadness and endless cruel comparisons. It is an everyday struggle that gets in the way and keeps you from seeing yourself for who you really are and achieving your true purposes in life. Where did this war begin and why?
The answer to that question can be answered in a well-known and very often used word: Self-Esteem. What exactly does self-esteem mean? Self-Esteem is the way you look at and feel about yourself. The word "esteem" itself, means to value something or someone, thinking and believing that that something or someone is of great importance. If you are always fighting with yourself and feeding yourself thoughts that make you feel less valuable or not as important or attractive as other people, then you are suffering from Low Self-Esteem. Unfortunately, most people suffer from this, but the good news is, you can kick low self-esteem out of your life, inviting and living a high self-esteem instead.
Living a life of great confidence can be challenging, but can be done. You might have even tried giving your self-esteem a boost, but were later disappointed to see that it did not quite work out the way you imagined. If this is true, do not run away just yet! This behavior is very common. Like every other person, you have probably adapted and grown to believe that feeling insecure and feeling that you are not good enough is normal and impossible to beat; therefore you just accept it and set an subconscious rule that you need to and deserve to feel badly and poorly when you look at yourself. This is where you need to take a few steps back. The thing about low self-esteem is, that is cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.
Accomplishing high self-esteem will not happen in an instant. It requires hard work and constant reassurance. When working on achieving high self-esteem, know that it can never and will never be achieved as long as you keep negative ingredients involved, such as giving up. This is one of the biggest reasons you look at yourself in such a valueless manner. Yes, it will be hard to get rid of, especially because "giving up" is partnered with another negative ingredient named "laziness". The truth is, you do wish to change the way you look at and feel about yourself, but you have grown to become too lazy to do anything about it. Why? For the factual reason that you find it easier to stay in the place and position that you are already in. It does not matter if it is an extremely negative position or place. What does matter and needs to be realized is that you have chosen to stay in negativity for so long, that you have become so comfortable with the fact that you do not like yourself. You may not have noticed, as most of the other low self-esteemed don't, that you now crave and need to feel sorry for yourself and subconsciously enjoy victimizing yourself and grabbing negative attention from others. This is exactly why terminating low self-esteem is difficult. You handed over all of your power and strength to it, allowing it to dictate your being and the way you handle life.
For Advice from an expert at Love-Sessions
Day by day, the majority of us have a painful war with ourselves. It is a constant fight that includes constant criticism, pressure, anger, sadness and endless cruel comparisons. It is an everyday struggle that gets in the way and keeps you from seeing yourself for who you really are and achieving your true purposes in life. Where did this war begin and why?
The answer to that question can be answered in a well-known and very often used word: Self-Esteem. What exactly does self-esteem mean? Self-Esteem is the way you look at and feel about yourself. The word "esteem" itself, means to value something or someone, thinking and believing that that something or someone is of great importance. If you are always fighting with yourself and feeding yourself thoughts that make you feel less valuable or not as important or attractive as other people, then you are suffering from Low Self-Esteem. Unfortunately, most people suffer from this, but the good news is, you can kick low self-esteem out of your life, inviting and living a high self-esteem instead.
Living a life of great confidence can be challenging, but can be done. You might have even tried giving your self-esteem a boost, but were later disappointed to see that it did not quite work out the way you imagined. If this is true, do not run away just yet! This behavior is very common. Like every other person, you have probably adapted and grown to believe that feeling insecure and feeling that you are not good enough is normal and impossible to beat; therefore you just accept it and set an subconscious rule that you need to and deserve to feel badly and poorly when you look at yourself. This is where you need to take a few steps back. The thing about low self-esteem is, that is cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.
Accomplishing high self-esteem will not happen in an instant. It requires hard work and constant reassurance. When working on achieving high self-esteem, know that it can never and will never be achieved as long as you keep negative ingredients involved, such as giving up. This is one of the biggest reasons you look at yourself in such a valueless manner. Yes, it will be hard to get rid of, especially because "giving up" is partnered with another negative ingredient named "laziness". The truth is, you do wish to change the way you look at and feel about yourself, but you have grown to become too lazy to do anything about it. Why? For the factual reason that you find it easier to stay in the place and position that you are already in. It does not matter if it is an extremely negative position or place. What does matter and needs to be realized is that you have chosen to stay in negativity for so long, that you have become so comfortable with the fact that you do not like yourself. You may not have noticed, as most of the other low self-esteemed don't, that you now crave and need to feel sorry for yourself and subconsciously enjoy victimizing yourself and grabbing negative attention from others. This is exactly why terminating low self-esteem is difficult. You handed over all of your power and strength to it, allowing it to dictate your being and the way you handle life.
Changing the way you look at Yourself (Part 2)
Changing the way you look at Yourself (Part 2)
For Advice from an expert at Love-Sessions
Once you have realized and accepted these facts, you can begin your boosting process. Begin by becoming a best friend to yourself instead of an enemy. With this best friend, you, stand up for yourself and face that low self-esteem in the face, along with all the fears that come with it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you do not feel sorry for yourself anymore and that you have the power and strength to feel and be happy, confident and successful, and you will do it because you are valuable and deserve it, just as anyone else would. Reassuring yourself is a big key to staying focused and improving the way you feel about yourself and the life you live. So do not be afraid to face yourself, and every time you do look at yourself and observe the things that go on around you, take notes of the positive things and the things you do like and admire about yourself.
Another essential thing you must stop doing is comparing yourself to others. You are you and not anyone else, and never will be anyone else. People are different and are created with different packages and talents. You are different and unique and hold talents and qualities that no one else has and will never have, and that is something to take pride in and love about you. Concentrate on learning and knowing that you are special, loveable, capable and very much acceptable. It all begins with accepting yourself, and you are the most important person to receive acceptance from. Once you have received official approval and acceptance from yourself, everything and everyone else around you will do the same and follow.
Living a life of great confidence can be challenging, but can be done. You might have even tried giving your self-esteem a boost, but were later disappointed to see that it did not quite work out the way you imagined. If this is true, do not run away just yet! This behavior is very common. Like every other person, you have probably adapted and grown to believe that feeling insecure and feeling that you are not good enough is normal and impossible to beat; therefore you just accept it and set an subconscious rule that you need to and deserve to feel badly and poorly when you look at yourself. This is where you need to take a few steps back. The thing about low self-esteem is, that is cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.
When you do come to times where you are not satisfied with the way you look or the things you have done, shift your mind and soul over to a positive side, pointing out the things you are happy with and feel great about, and always reward yourself for it. Treat yourself to something special that you will enjoy and feel fabulous about, and remind yourself that tomorrow is another day, which comes with brand new opportunities and more chances. Lastly, make your presence appear only around other positive people and other positive energies. Maintaining a healthy and high self-esteem will be successful if you continue to motivate and encourage it. So get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start changing the way you feel about and look at yourself. You deserve to happy and confident, because you are a fantastic and very special individual. You can do it…and you know you can!
For Advice from an expert at Love-Sessions
Once you have realized and accepted these facts, you can begin your boosting process. Begin by becoming a best friend to yourself instead of an enemy. With this best friend, you, stand up for yourself and face that low self-esteem in the face, along with all the fears that come with it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you do not feel sorry for yourself anymore and that you have the power and strength to feel and be happy, confident and successful, and you will do it because you are valuable and deserve it, just as anyone else would. Reassuring yourself is a big key to staying focused and improving the way you feel about yourself and the life you live. So do not be afraid to face yourself, and every time you do look at yourself and observe the things that go on around you, take notes of the positive things and the things you do like and admire about yourself.
Another essential thing you must stop doing is comparing yourself to others. You are you and not anyone else, and never will be anyone else. People are different and are created with different packages and talents. You are different and unique and hold talents and qualities that no one else has and will never have, and that is something to take pride in and love about you. Concentrate on learning and knowing that you are special, loveable, capable and very much acceptable. It all begins with accepting yourself, and you are the most important person to receive acceptance from. Once you have received official approval and acceptance from yourself, everything and everyone else around you will do the same and follow.
Living a life of great confidence can be challenging, but can be done. You might have even tried giving your self-esteem a boost, but were later disappointed to see that it did not quite work out the way you imagined. If this is true, do not run away just yet! This behavior is very common. Like every other person, you have probably adapted and grown to believe that feeling insecure and feeling that you are not good enough is normal and impossible to beat; therefore you just accept it and set an subconscious rule that you need to and deserve to feel badly and poorly when you look at yourself. This is where you need to take a few steps back. The thing about low self-esteem is, that is cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.
When you do come to times where you are not satisfied with the way you look or the things you have done, shift your mind and soul over to a positive side, pointing out the things you are happy with and feel great about, and always reward yourself for it. Treat yourself to something special that you will enjoy and feel fabulous about, and remind yourself that tomorrow is another day, which comes with brand new opportunities and more chances. Lastly, make your presence appear only around other positive people and other positive energies. Maintaining a healthy and high self-esteem will be successful if you continue to motivate and encourage it. So get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start changing the way you feel about and look at yourself. You deserve to happy and confident, because you are a fantastic and very special individual. You can do it…and you know you can!
Flirting tips to help you Succeed in the Dating World
Flirting tips to help you Succeed in the Dating World
Ladies: Flirting 101
Every woman has a sexy flirt inside of her capable of getting a man’s attention. However, not all women carry the self confidence or know-how on bringing this flirtatious side out. Flirting plays a big part in the dating world. In fact, you cannot score a date with any man unless you give them the green light- a sign that expresses that we are interested in them. After all, women are not the only ones struggling with doubts and insecurities about themselves. Men also feel insecure and unsure on how to put themselves out there. They are afraid of reading a woman wrong, fear getting rejected and are also intimidated by women they find very attractive. So, if you see a man you think is attractive and you want to get the communication started, you have to help the boy out a little! By helping him out, you will help yourself out too- because you like him and want to talk to him, so let the flirting begin…
Flirting does not have to be very aggressive. It depends on your personality. If you naturally a shyer person, then you will want to be quieter with your flirting, but still send out a strong message. If you are not all that shy and you have a more aggressive personality, then you can be more obvious and vocal with your flirting. Here are some flirting tips you can use the next time you see a guy you want to acquaint and get to know better.
Shy Girls:
1. Make eye contact with a smile.
If you come across a man that catches your eye, look at him in the eyes and give him a gentle smile. The smile is an invitation, letting him know that you are open to be friendly with him.
2. If he smiles back, Turn Around!
Once you make contact and smile at him, the ball is in his court. He smiles back, keep walking. After a few second, slowly turn around and smile at him again. He most likely will be checking you out if he finds you attractive, so he will see this and will smile back at you again. If he has the courage, he will come up to you and start talking- and you can take it from there.
3. Swirl your feet
If you are sitting down when you see a man you like, then give him a friendly smile and swirl one of your feet around slowly if you are wearing a skirt. The smile and eye contact will let him know you are into him, but swirling your foot will draw his attention to your legs and he will be even more curious about you. Remember, men are visual creatures, so make sure he sees your physical qualities. If you are sitting but are not wearing a skirt, then you can do something else to draw his attention to your physical sexiness! For example, you could tilt your head slightly upwards and rub your neck a little, as if you do not know he is looking, but in fact he will be watching you rub your sexy neck!
Not so Shy Girls:
1. Stare and Speak!
When you see a man you like, the eye contact rule still applies, since eye contact is the most powerful tool when trying to connect with someone. However, if you are not that shy and do not mind taking a bolder step, you can also speak to him as he walks by, or as you walk by him. You can flirtingly say hello in a soft voice and smile as he says hello back, gently looking him up and down. This will make it obvious to him that you are interested, without being too aggressive and over doing it- but definitely flirty enough!
2. Start Conversation
If you are willing to make the first move and make your intentions even more obvious, without actually throwing yourself at him, you can start a conversation with him. Come up with an excuse to talk, such as asking for directions, an opinion on something- or even to borrow his pen- whatever it takes to get the two of you talking. If he is interested in you as well, you will not have to work too hard, because he will be friendly and flirty right back at you! You two can talk and then take it from there.
3. Give or Ask for Digits!
Face it- if you just ran into this guy by chance- then there I a high chance you may not see him again- unless one of you take a bold move. If you do not have a problem making bold moves, you can ask him for his phone number (if he does not beat you to it first), or you could write down your number and hand it to him with a smile. If there really is chemistry between you, then he will want to be in touch with you again- as soon as possible!
Remember: Regardless of whether you are shy or more aggressive, one of the most important and most attractive thing a woman can do is Smile! It gives a friendly vibe and shows him that you are a happy, non-threatening flirting woman. Plus, smiling brightens your face and gives him a chance to see your real beauty!
Ladies: Flirting 101
Every woman has a sexy flirt inside of her capable of getting a man’s attention. However, not all women carry the self confidence or know-how on bringing this flirtatious side out. Flirting plays a big part in the dating world. In fact, you cannot score a date with any man unless you give them the green light- a sign that expresses that we are interested in them. After all, women are not the only ones struggling with doubts and insecurities about themselves. Men also feel insecure and unsure on how to put themselves out there. They are afraid of reading a woman wrong, fear getting rejected and are also intimidated by women they find very attractive. So, if you see a man you think is attractive and you want to get the communication started, you have to help the boy out a little! By helping him out, you will help yourself out too- because you like him and want to talk to him, so let the flirting begin…
Flirting does not have to be very aggressive. It depends on your personality. If you naturally a shyer person, then you will want to be quieter with your flirting, but still send out a strong message. If you are not all that shy and you have a more aggressive personality, then you can be more obvious and vocal with your flirting. Here are some flirting tips you can use the next time you see a guy you want to acquaint and get to know better.
Shy Girls:
1. Make eye contact with a smile.
If you come across a man that catches your eye, look at him in the eyes and give him a gentle smile. The smile is an invitation, letting him know that you are open to be friendly with him.
2. If he smiles back, Turn Around!
Once you make contact and smile at him, the ball is in his court. He smiles back, keep walking. After a few second, slowly turn around and smile at him again. He most likely will be checking you out if he finds you attractive, so he will see this and will smile back at you again. If he has the courage, he will come up to you and start talking- and you can take it from there.
3. Swirl your feet
If you are sitting down when you see a man you like, then give him a friendly smile and swirl one of your feet around slowly if you are wearing a skirt. The smile and eye contact will let him know you are into him, but swirling your foot will draw his attention to your legs and he will be even more curious about you. Remember, men are visual creatures, so make sure he sees your physical qualities. If you are sitting but are not wearing a skirt, then you can do something else to draw his attention to your physical sexiness! For example, you could tilt your head slightly upwards and rub your neck a little, as if you do not know he is looking, but in fact he will be watching you rub your sexy neck!
Not so Shy Girls:
1. Stare and Speak!
When you see a man you like, the eye contact rule still applies, since eye contact is the most powerful tool when trying to connect with someone. However, if you are not that shy and do not mind taking a bolder step, you can also speak to him as he walks by, or as you walk by him. You can flirtingly say hello in a soft voice and smile as he says hello back, gently looking him up and down. This will make it obvious to him that you are interested, without being too aggressive and over doing it- but definitely flirty enough!
2. Start Conversation
If you are willing to make the first move and make your intentions even more obvious, without actually throwing yourself at him, you can start a conversation with him. Come up with an excuse to talk, such as asking for directions, an opinion on something- or even to borrow his pen- whatever it takes to get the two of you talking. If he is interested in you as well, you will not have to work too hard, because he will be friendly and flirty right back at you! You two can talk and then take it from there.
3. Give or Ask for Digits!
Face it- if you just ran into this guy by chance- then there I a high chance you may not see him again- unless one of you take a bold move. If you do not have a problem making bold moves, you can ask him for his phone number (if he does not beat you to it first), or you could write down your number and hand it to him with a smile. If there really is chemistry between you, then he will want to be in touch with you again- as soon as possible!
Remember: Regardless of whether you are shy or more aggressive, one of the most important and most attractive thing a woman can do is Smile! It gives a friendly vibe and shows him that you are a happy, non-threatening flirting woman. Plus, smiling brightens your face and gives him a chance to see your real beauty!
Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality
Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality
For Advice on all relationship topics at Love-Sessions
Sexual expression plays a huge role in relationships. It is way for people to show their lovers what they feel about them through passionate and intimate ways. As wonderful as sexuality can be, it is often misunderstood, which is why the average couple faces sexual conflicts and challenges at some point during their relationship. This is no way is a generalization of men and women, but the truth is, men and women handle their sexuality differently- on an average. If couples spend some time to truly learn and understand their partner’s sexuality, they can build a happier and healthier sex life together, instead of facing the conflicts that stall their relationship from blossoming further.
Okay, so you now know that according for your sex life to improve, you need to understand your partner’s sexuality…but where do you start? Good question, but there is no particular area to start. You can start at any angle you wish, as long as you are learning something about your partner’s sexual behavior. Of course, the most advisable suggestion would be communication, for every counseling psychologist believes that all couple conflicts exist because of poor communication that needs to be improved. This may be true, but it is a very general suggestion- too general for you to understand where to start. You see, this is because you do not know what communication to improve. Many couples may have wonderful communication between each other and get along great, except for when it comes to making love. How can this be if you communicate so well? The answer is very simple, yet most people would not think of it. In fact, the average person sees communication as a general skill that works for all areas of life, which is why most couple gets confused when their sex life starts to lack. The answer is: You need to improve your Sexual Communication.
Fine, that sounds simple enough. So all you have to do is talk about your sex life with your lover to clear any confusion? Well, yes- talking about what is going on in your bedroom certainly helps you both understand what is going on in each others minds, but that is not the entire solution. Besides talking about it, you have got to do some research and work on your own. This means you need to make an effort to study your partner’s sexuality by learning what triggers good and bad sexual responses. This is where it can get challenging because men and women view sex differently. Though men have times they are not “in the mood” due to other things going on in their life, they usually can tune out everything when it comes to having a lovemaking session with their partner. In fact, for many men, sex is great way to help them feel better and relax- like a stress reducer. For women however, sex is a more fragile subject and involves a lot of emotion. If a woman is having a bad day or has a million things going on in her mind, it distracts her from getting involved in good sexual activity. Men take this offensively, thinking that the reason their woman does not want to have sex or is not that into it, is because she is no longer as turned on by him, or even being selfish- when this is most of the time not true. Women need to be approached in certain ways that will make them feel relaxed, safe and ready to have sex. Men too have their own preferences of ways to be approached.
For Advice on all relationship topics at Love-Sessions
Sexual expression plays a huge role in relationships. It is way for people to show their lovers what they feel about them through passionate and intimate ways. As wonderful as sexuality can be, it is often misunderstood, which is why the average couple faces sexual conflicts and challenges at some point during their relationship. This is no way is a generalization of men and women, but the truth is, men and women handle their sexuality differently- on an average. If couples spend some time to truly learn and understand their partner’s sexuality, they can build a happier and healthier sex life together, instead of facing the conflicts that stall their relationship from blossoming further.
Okay, so you now know that according for your sex life to improve, you need to understand your partner’s sexuality…but where do you start? Good question, but there is no particular area to start. You can start at any angle you wish, as long as you are learning something about your partner’s sexual behavior. Of course, the most advisable suggestion would be communication, for every counseling psychologist believes that all couple conflicts exist because of poor communication that needs to be improved. This may be true, but it is a very general suggestion- too general for you to understand where to start. You see, this is because you do not know what communication to improve. Many couples may have wonderful communication between each other and get along great, except for when it comes to making love. How can this be if you communicate so well? The answer is very simple, yet most people would not think of it. In fact, the average person sees communication as a general skill that works for all areas of life, which is why most couple gets confused when their sex life starts to lack. The answer is: You need to improve your Sexual Communication.
Fine, that sounds simple enough. So all you have to do is talk about your sex life with your lover to clear any confusion? Well, yes- talking about what is going on in your bedroom certainly helps you both understand what is going on in each others minds, but that is not the entire solution. Besides talking about it, you have got to do some research and work on your own. This means you need to make an effort to study your partner’s sexuality by learning what triggers good and bad sexual responses. This is where it can get challenging because men and women view sex differently. Though men have times they are not “in the mood” due to other things going on in their life, they usually can tune out everything when it comes to having a lovemaking session with their partner. In fact, for many men, sex is great way to help them feel better and relax- like a stress reducer. For women however, sex is a more fragile subject and involves a lot of emotion. If a woman is having a bad day or has a million things going on in her mind, it distracts her from getting involved in good sexual activity. Men take this offensively, thinking that the reason their woman does not want to have sex or is not that into it, is because she is no longer as turned on by him, or even being selfish- when this is most of the time not true. Women need to be approached in certain ways that will make them feel relaxed, safe and ready to have sex. Men too have their own preferences of ways to be approached.
Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality (2) for part 1 - click here.
Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality (2) for part 1 - click here.
Advice on all love related topics at Love-Sessions
There are many methods you can use to better understand your partner’s sexuality and improve your sex life. Begin by trying something different that you do not usually do, but also try combining that with a behavior you use often, so that your partner can still feel familiar and comfortable. Good ideas that have succeeded are giving your partner a full body massage to help them relax and open up, setting up a sexy and romantic scene in the bedroom (example: candlelight, sexy music, sexy food like chocolate strawberries, body oils and butters, champagne, etc.), having an indoor picnic at home, taking a bath and scrubbing your lovers body, taking your lover out on a date and then staying in a nice hotel for the night… and so on. One of the main reasons sex conflicts occur eventually during a relationship, is due to the fact that the sex and romance fell into “routine” or a comfort zone. To keep a sexual relationship exciting, you must take different routes and try new things and keep it creative. Knowing what works best when it comes to awakening your lover’s sexual cravings, will take time and effort, not to mention a good deal of exploration. Not that this would actually feel like work, for exploring new areas and new routines tend to always spice up a relationship and draw the two of you together. You and your partner will not only be involved in more lovemaking sessions together, but will also discover new things about each other and your relationship, which will open new doors to better communication, new ideas, as well as learning more do’s and don’ts for your relationship.
Understanding your partner’s sexuality is not as hard as you may think. All it requires is the will and patience to observe and pay attention to what makes him or her tick and respond to you in the way you find most appealing. While you are learning and using new ideas to enhance your sexual side of your relationship, you and your partner will automatically strengthen your bond, love, respect and understanding towards one another, which is what being in a relationship is all about. Remember, when trying to improve a sexual relationship, you must look at things from two points of views: yours and your partners. As long as you make the best effort to this, plus good communication on both your parts, your relationship will be maintained in the most clear and satisfying form.
Advice on all love related topics at Love-Sessions
There are many methods you can use to better understand your partner’s sexuality and improve your sex life. Begin by trying something different that you do not usually do, but also try combining that with a behavior you use often, so that your partner can still feel familiar and comfortable. Good ideas that have succeeded are giving your partner a full body massage to help them relax and open up, setting up a sexy and romantic scene in the bedroom (example: candlelight, sexy music, sexy food like chocolate strawberries, body oils and butters, champagne, etc.), having an indoor picnic at home, taking a bath and scrubbing your lovers body, taking your lover out on a date and then staying in a nice hotel for the night… and so on. One of the main reasons sex conflicts occur eventually during a relationship, is due to the fact that the sex and romance fell into “routine” or a comfort zone. To keep a sexual relationship exciting, you must take different routes and try new things and keep it creative. Knowing what works best when it comes to awakening your lover’s sexual cravings, will take time and effort, not to mention a good deal of exploration. Not that this would actually feel like work, for exploring new areas and new routines tend to always spice up a relationship and draw the two of you together. You and your partner will not only be involved in more lovemaking sessions together, but will also discover new things about each other and your relationship, which will open new doors to better communication, new ideas, as well as learning more do’s and don’ts for your relationship.
Understanding your partner’s sexuality is not as hard as you may think. All it requires is the will and patience to observe and pay attention to what makes him or her tick and respond to you in the way you find most appealing. While you are learning and using new ideas to enhance your sexual side of your relationship, you and your partner will automatically strengthen your bond, love, respect and understanding towards one another, which is what being in a relationship is all about. Remember, when trying to improve a sexual relationship, you must look at things from two points of views: yours and your partners. As long as you make the best effort to this, plus good communication on both your parts, your relationship will be maintained in the most clear and satisfying form.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Communicating With Your Spouse Respect, Love, and Good Communication in Marriage
Communicating With Your Spouse
Respect, Love, and Good Communication in Marriage
© Jean Marie Lockwood
Marriage is hard work, but if we know how to talk to each other it will be easier. Here are some tips to help know how to communicate with your spouse.
When a couple is planning a wedding, the excitement and busyness that surrounds them may drown out any potential problems, such as lack of communication. When the honeymoon is over and normal daily life together begins is when problems may be noticed- but are not taken seriously because it is all new.
Communication is the main factor in a successful marriage. If a couple is able to talk to each other about everything that concerns them, they will get through just about anything.
Here are some tips to enable you to successfully communicate as a couple.
Respect each other in your communication. Agree on things such as no name calling, even while arguing. Don't talk down to each other.
Don't use terms such as "you always", and "I never".
Be a good listener. Use body language to let your spouse know you are truly listening. Rephrasing what has been said, to make sure you are understanding what is meant can help make sure there is no misunderstanding.
Make the tough subjects easier by bringing humor into it. Talking about sex can be difficult at first, but if you use humor, it can become easier. Be honest, but keep a good sense of humor.
Don't hesitate to tell each other what you like. Too often married couples only say what they don't like. This can cause hurt feelings and make it seem like a hopeless situation. If you talk about the things that you enjoy and agree on, as much or more than the things you don't like or agree on, it creates a positive atmosphere to communicate in.
When you notice things about your spouse that you would like to see change, remember that there are things about you that he would like to see change too. If you work on changing yourself, rather than on changing your spouse- you will see big changes in your perspective.
Touching, whether holding hands, or sitting against eachother while talking, will keep you aware of how close you are to eachother, and make it less likely that you will say things you will regret later.
Keep sarcasm and a mocking tone far from your conversation. These things can cause hurt, resentment, and make it harder to talk about important things.
When you feel distance growing, say so. There is nothing wrong with telling your spouse that you need some of her time. As a matter of fact, being open about such things is what will draw you closer to each other.
Make it easy for your spouse to begin to talk by being willing and making it clear that you are in this together. When both of you are working toward the same goal - a happy, healthy, lifelong marriage - being available to each other has to come first.
On things that are strictly opinion, don't argue! Agree to disagree. If there are opinions you are not in agreement on...so what?
Opinion is a personal thing that does not make or break a relationship. Allow differences of opinion, and accept that yours may not be the only one that is alright.
Don't rehash the past. If something is in the past, has already been dealt with and resolved- leave it there. Bringing up the past is a communication killer. Don't allow things that are in the past to ruin you future.
If a couple works together, agreeing on communicating effectively - the marriage can be happy, harmonious, and healthy - for life.
Respect, Love, and Good Communication in Marriage
© Jean Marie Lockwood
Marriage is hard work, but if we know how to talk to each other it will be easier. Here are some tips to help know how to communicate with your spouse.
When a couple is planning a wedding, the excitement and busyness that surrounds them may drown out any potential problems, such as lack of communication. When the honeymoon is over and normal daily life together begins is when problems may be noticed- but are not taken seriously because it is all new.
Communication is the main factor in a successful marriage. If a couple is able to talk to each other about everything that concerns them, they will get through just about anything.
Here are some tips to enable you to successfully communicate as a couple.
Respect each other in your communication. Agree on things such as no name calling, even while arguing. Don't talk down to each other.
Don't use terms such as "you always", and "I never".
Be a good listener. Use body language to let your spouse know you are truly listening. Rephrasing what has been said, to make sure you are understanding what is meant can help make sure there is no misunderstanding.
Make the tough subjects easier by bringing humor into it. Talking about sex can be difficult at first, but if you use humor, it can become easier. Be honest, but keep a good sense of humor.
Don't hesitate to tell each other what you like. Too often married couples only say what they don't like. This can cause hurt feelings and make it seem like a hopeless situation. If you talk about the things that you enjoy and agree on, as much or more than the things you don't like or agree on, it creates a positive atmosphere to communicate in.
When you notice things about your spouse that you would like to see change, remember that there are things about you that he would like to see change too. If you work on changing yourself, rather than on changing your spouse- you will see big changes in your perspective.
Touching, whether holding hands, or sitting against eachother while talking, will keep you aware of how close you are to eachother, and make it less likely that you will say things you will regret later.
Keep sarcasm and a mocking tone far from your conversation. These things can cause hurt, resentment, and make it harder to talk about important things.
When you feel distance growing, say so. There is nothing wrong with telling your spouse that you need some of her time. As a matter of fact, being open about such things is what will draw you closer to each other.
Make it easy for your spouse to begin to talk by being willing and making it clear that you are in this together. When both of you are working toward the same goal - a happy, healthy, lifelong marriage - being available to each other has to come first.
On things that are strictly opinion, don't argue! Agree to disagree. If there are opinions you are not in agreement on...so what?
Opinion is a personal thing that does not make or break a relationship. Allow differences of opinion, and accept that yours may not be the only one that is alright.
Don't rehash the past. If something is in the past, has already been dealt with and resolved- leave it there. Bringing up the past is a communication killer. Don't allow things that are in the past to ruin you future.
If a couple works together, agreeing on communicating effectively - the marriage can be happy, harmonious, and healthy - for life.
Friendship vs. Emotional Affair Signs Your Friendship Has Crossed Into Questionable Territory
Friendship vs. Emotional Affair
Signs Your Friendship Has Crossed Into Questionable Territory
© Cherie Burbach
Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. Here are some guidelines to determine if you're having an inappropriate relationship.
Feelings of attraction:
Friendship:
Feelings for your friend are completely platonic. That means you are not attracted to your friend and couldn't imagine having sex with them.
Emotional affair:
You begin to have feelings of attraction for your friend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch your friend.
Sharing inappropriate details of your relationship:
Friendship:
Your friend is a source of support, but you make it a point not to discuss the intricacies of your relationship.
Emotional affair:
When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.
Longing for your friend instead of your partner:
Friendship:
You look forward to seeing your friend at work or out socially, but ultimately look forward to going home to your partner.
Emotional affair:
You spend more energy longing for your friend than you do your partner. When you're with your partner, you look forward to when you can get back to spending time with your friend.
Secrecy:
Friendship:
Your relationship with your friend is out in the open. Your partner knows when you meet for dinner and have lunch, and you are honest when asked how you two spent your time.
Emotional affair:
You tend to hide information on your friendship from your partner. You email or call each other in secret, and when asked how you two spent your time you have a tendency to lie.
Your friendship upsets your partner:
Friendship:
Your partner is supportive of spending time with your friend.
Emotional affair:
Something about your friendship bothers your partner, and when he or she asks you about it you get uncomfortable or defensive.
Your friend takes up your thoughts:
Friendship:
You daydream and fantasize about your new relationship, not your friend.
Emotional affair:
You dream and fantasize about your friend, not your new relationship.
You believe you'll always be closer to your friend than your partner:
Friendship:
Your friend knows you only too well, but you look forward to the day when your significant other will come to know your heart and soul even better.
Emotional affair:
You believe that no matter how great the new person in your life is, he or she will never be able to know you quite like your friend does.
You have feelings of jealousy when your friend finds love:
Friendship:
When your friend goes on a date, you are happy for them and hope they find their match.
Emotional affair:
You are jealous when your friend goes on a date. You find yourself hoping your friend will not find love and instead spend time with you.
The dangers of emotional affairs when you're dating:
Emotional affairs can be especially harmful to new relationships. When you've first started dating, things are tentative and unsure, and can be easily derailed with misunderstandings. Asking a potential partner to accept an inappropriate friendship is a sure-fire way to end your new relationship before it even starts.
If you are having an emotional affair with the opposite sex, ask yourself why you want to continue. Are you afraid of a real relationship, and therefore hold on to this emotional affair? Having a friend to fantasize about can be a crutch to hold you back from developing a healthy relationship.
Signs Your Friendship Has Crossed Into Questionable Territory
© Cherie Burbach
Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. Here are some guidelines to determine if you're having an inappropriate relationship.
Feelings of attraction:
Friendship:
Feelings for your friend are completely platonic. That means you are not attracted to your friend and couldn't imagine having sex with them.
Emotional affair:
You begin to have feelings of attraction for your friend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch your friend.
Sharing inappropriate details of your relationship:
Friendship:
Your friend is a source of support, but you make it a point not to discuss the intricacies of your relationship.
Emotional affair:
When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.
Longing for your friend instead of your partner:
Friendship:
You look forward to seeing your friend at work or out socially, but ultimately look forward to going home to your partner.
Emotional affair:
You spend more energy longing for your friend than you do your partner. When you're with your partner, you look forward to when you can get back to spending time with your friend.
Secrecy:
Friendship:
Your relationship with your friend is out in the open. Your partner knows when you meet for dinner and have lunch, and you are honest when asked how you two spent your time.
Emotional affair:
You tend to hide information on your friendship from your partner. You email or call each other in secret, and when asked how you two spent your time you have a tendency to lie.
Your friendship upsets your partner:
Friendship:
Your partner is supportive of spending time with your friend.
Emotional affair:
Something about your friendship bothers your partner, and when he or she asks you about it you get uncomfortable or defensive.
Your friend takes up your thoughts:
Friendship:
You daydream and fantasize about your new relationship, not your friend.
Emotional affair:
You dream and fantasize about your friend, not your new relationship.
You believe you'll always be closer to your friend than your partner:
Friendship:
Your friend knows you only too well, but you look forward to the day when your significant other will come to know your heart and soul even better.
Emotional affair:
You believe that no matter how great the new person in your life is, he or she will never be able to know you quite like your friend does.
You have feelings of jealousy when your friend finds love:
Friendship:
When your friend goes on a date, you are happy for them and hope they find their match.
Emotional affair:
You are jealous when your friend goes on a date. You find yourself hoping your friend will not find love and instead spend time with you.
The dangers of emotional affairs when you're dating:
Emotional affairs can be especially harmful to new relationships. When you've first started dating, things are tentative and unsure, and can be easily derailed with misunderstandings. Asking a potential partner to accept an inappropriate friendship is a sure-fire way to end your new relationship before it even starts.
If you are having an emotional affair with the opposite sex, ask yourself why you want to continue. Are you afraid of a real relationship, and therefore hold on to this emotional affair? Having a friend to fantasize about can be a crutch to hold you back from developing a healthy relationship.
The Danger of Emotional Affairs Betrayal of Trust
The Danger of Emotional Affairs
Betrayal of Trust
© Cherie
Can men and women really ever be friends? Or will a close relationship with the opposite sex be the downfall of your relationship?
There is a movement that exists in dating today that is redefining the true boundaries of infidelity. Not that cheating was ever okay on any level, but today people are more aware of limitations than ever before. It used to be that men and women were discouraged from forging friendships. As time went on, however, people began working together and close relationships followed behind. Under most circumstances, this is fine, as men and women can have perfectly platonic friendships. But there are times when the association between friends crosses the boundary of what’s acceptable.
What Is Emotional Cheating?
An emotional affair begins when one partner has an extremely close relationship with a person of the opposite sex that transforms from regular friendship to something more. Instead of just hanging around platonically, the partner begins having feelings of attraction for the other person. Generally they begin talking intimately about things they should only be discussing with their significant other. They flirt with the other person, and behave inappropriately. They may withdraw from their partner. Unlike a cyber affair they do see the other person, sometimes having lunches or dinners or even just meeting somewhere for coffee. They behave in a manner that is secretive and hurtful, keeping information from their partner and sneaking off to have private email or phone time with the other person.
Why Is It Bad?
Some may argue that since emotional affairs fall just short of physical cheating they aren’t really all that bad. But this is incorrect. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much as physical cheating and sometimes even more. When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome.
How Do Emotional Affairs Begin
Often emotional affairs start between coworkers. What may start out innocently enough as time working on a project may evolve into a deeper emotional relationship. The two see each other for long periods of time during the day and develop a strong rapport. If one partner is having troubles in their relationship they may confide in their coworker, and things develop from there. But there doesn’t have to be problems in a relationship in order for an emotional affair to happen. There may have been a previous relationship that one partner never quite got over and then decided to remain friends with the person, thereby setting themselves up for an eventual emotional affair down the road.
How To Spot Emotional Affairs
If your partner exhibits traditional signs of cheating such as sneaking around, behaving differently toward you, or flat out lying, this could be the beginning of an emotional affair. Generally emotional affairs involve emails that your partner doesn’t want you to see, or they may take a phone call in another room and shut the door without telling you what it was about. If your partner begins to pull away from you and seems distant, they may be engaging emotionally with someone else.
How To Handle Emotional Affairs
If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair you need to confront them about their behavior. Point out specific activities when bringing up your concerns. Tell your partner how the relationship they have with this person affects your feelings. Don’t be surprised if your partner gets defensive or denies they have done anything wrong. Often one partner may convince his or herself that by refraining from physical intimacy they have not crossed a line. By making your feelings clear, however, your partner will have no choice but to deal with your concerns. You both may need counseling in order to work out the issues between you. It is possible to be happy with your partner again, but it does take time and effort and is only possible when your partner understands the appropriate boundaries and works on repairing the trust issues they’ve caused for the relationship.
Betrayal of Trust
© Cherie
Can men and women really ever be friends? Or will a close relationship with the opposite sex be the downfall of your relationship?
There is a movement that exists in dating today that is redefining the true boundaries of infidelity. Not that cheating was ever okay on any level, but today people are more aware of limitations than ever before. It used to be that men and women were discouraged from forging friendships. As time went on, however, people began working together and close relationships followed behind. Under most circumstances, this is fine, as men and women can have perfectly platonic friendships. But there are times when the association between friends crosses the boundary of what’s acceptable.
What Is Emotional Cheating?
An emotional affair begins when one partner has an extremely close relationship with a person of the opposite sex that transforms from regular friendship to something more. Instead of just hanging around platonically, the partner begins having feelings of attraction for the other person. Generally they begin talking intimately about things they should only be discussing with their significant other. They flirt with the other person, and behave inappropriately. They may withdraw from their partner. Unlike a cyber affair they do see the other person, sometimes having lunches or dinners or even just meeting somewhere for coffee. They behave in a manner that is secretive and hurtful, keeping information from their partner and sneaking off to have private email or phone time with the other person.
Why Is It Bad?
Some may argue that since emotional affairs fall just short of physical cheating they aren’t really all that bad. But this is incorrect. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much as physical cheating and sometimes even more. When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome.
How Do Emotional Affairs Begin
Often emotional affairs start between coworkers. What may start out innocently enough as time working on a project may evolve into a deeper emotional relationship. The two see each other for long periods of time during the day and develop a strong rapport. If one partner is having troubles in their relationship they may confide in their coworker, and things develop from there. But there doesn’t have to be problems in a relationship in order for an emotional affair to happen. There may have been a previous relationship that one partner never quite got over and then decided to remain friends with the person, thereby setting themselves up for an eventual emotional affair down the road.
How To Spot Emotional Affairs
If your partner exhibits traditional signs of cheating such as sneaking around, behaving differently toward you, or flat out lying, this could be the beginning of an emotional affair. Generally emotional affairs involve emails that your partner doesn’t want you to see, or they may take a phone call in another room and shut the door without telling you what it was about. If your partner begins to pull away from you and seems distant, they may be engaging emotionally with someone else.
How To Handle Emotional Affairs
If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair you need to confront them about their behavior. Point out specific activities when bringing up your concerns. Tell your partner how the relationship they have with this person affects your feelings. Don’t be surprised if your partner gets defensive or denies they have done anything wrong. Often one partner may convince his or herself that by refraining from physical intimacy they have not crossed a line. By making your feelings clear, however, your partner will have no choice but to deal with your concerns. You both may need counseling in order to work out the issues between you. It is possible to be happy with your partner again, but it does take time and effort and is only possible when your partner understands the appropriate boundaries and works on repairing the trust issues they’ve caused for the relationship.
Ways to Meet New People
Ways to Meet New People
Get a Date by the Weekend
© Cherie
There are more ways to meet new people than ever before. Check out these nine ideas to expand your dating prospects.
Meeting new people can be a challenging thing for singles, especially if most of your friends are married. The good news is that there are more choices to meet new people than ever before. Check out one of the ideas below and maybe you’ll even have a date by the weekend!
Online Dating
Internet dating takes the guesswork out of meeting new people. After all, everyone on the system is looking to meet someone. There are sites for virtually every preference and situation, from single parents to pet lovers to religious beliefs. Brush up on your online dating etiquette, log on, and find a date!
Speed Dating
Got ten minutes to meet your perfect mate? Speed Dating works on the premise that with a scant few minutes and a room full of singles, you'll be able to find someone who you want to go out with. Using good conversation skills will help you determine if you'd like to see someone again. Best of all, unlike a regular date, if you don't click with someone, you're on to the next person before you know it.
Singles Activities
Dances, cruises, and golf events and the like designed especially for singles are available in cities across the country. Check your local paper and community center for event listings. Practice a few opening lines, and meet someone that shares the same interests as you.
Faith-based Activities
Churches and synagogues often run social events especially for singles. Check with your local religious organization for information. If you do meet someone, be sure to have plenty of ideas in mind to entice your new love interest with a date.
Activities Where You Are Likely to Meet the Opposite Sex
Sometimes the best way to meet new people is by taking part in a new activity. Things like cooking classes, mechanics courses, and book clubs all offer opportunities to be introduced to your next partner. Keep the conversation light and you'll have a good chance of seeing them again.
Blind Dates and Set Ups
Ask your friends if they know of anyone they could set you up with. Often singles are shy about asking friends for set ups, but sometimes our pals are just waiting for us to give the word. Always be polite to both your date and your friend. Never make your friend feel bad if things between you and a blind date don't work out. That way they're more likely to try again when they come across someone new – and that person could be the one.
Matchmaker Services
Why not let someone else do the work of finding your special someone? Matchmaking may seem like an old-fashioned idea, but the advent of other relationship options like online and speed dating have given it a renewed popularity. Matchmaking is largely a word-of-mouth type of service, but some matchmakers can be found in the yellow pages (under "dating"), online, or registered with certain community organizations in your area.
Lunch Dating
There are many top lunch dating organizations that were created especially for busy professionals. They arrange casual dates for lunch, brunch, or after-work drinks.
Ask Someone Out
Why not take matters in your own hands and ask out that cutie you've had your eye on? Be confident, and don't worry about getting turned down. After all, if they say no, at least you tried. But if they say yes, you've got yourself a date!.
Get a Date by the Weekend
© Cherie
There are more ways to meet new people than ever before. Check out these nine ideas to expand your dating prospects.
Meeting new people can be a challenging thing for singles, especially if most of your friends are married. The good news is that there are more choices to meet new people than ever before. Check out one of the ideas below and maybe you’ll even have a date by the weekend!
Online Dating
Internet dating takes the guesswork out of meeting new people. After all, everyone on the system is looking to meet someone. There are sites for virtually every preference and situation, from single parents to pet lovers to religious beliefs. Brush up on your online dating etiquette, log on, and find a date!
Speed Dating
Got ten minutes to meet your perfect mate? Speed Dating works on the premise that with a scant few minutes and a room full of singles, you'll be able to find someone who you want to go out with. Using good conversation skills will help you determine if you'd like to see someone again. Best of all, unlike a regular date, if you don't click with someone, you're on to the next person before you know it.
Singles Activities
Dances, cruises, and golf events and the like designed especially for singles are available in cities across the country. Check your local paper and community center for event listings. Practice a few opening lines, and meet someone that shares the same interests as you.
Faith-based Activities
Churches and synagogues often run social events especially for singles. Check with your local religious organization for information. If you do meet someone, be sure to have plenty of ideas in mind to entice your new love interest with a date.
Activities Where You Are Likely to Meet the Opposite Sex
Sometimes the best way to meet new people is by taking part in a new activity. Things like cooking classes, mechanics courses, and book clubs all offer opportunities to be introduced to your next partner. Keep the conversation light and you'll have a good chance of seeing them again.
Blind Dates and Set Ups
Ask your friends if they know of anyone they could set you up with. Often singles are shy about asking friends for set ups, but sometimes our pals are just waiting for us to give the word. Always be polite to both your date and your friend. Never make your friend feel bad if things between you and a blind date don't work out. That way they're more likely to try again when they come across someone new – and that person could be the one.
Matchmaker Services
Why not let someone else do the work of finding your special someone? Matchmaking may seem like an old-fashioned idea, but the advent of other relationship options like online and speed dating have given it a renewed popularity. Matchmaking is largely a word-of-mouth type of service, but some matchmakers can be found in the yellow pages (under "dating"), online, or registered with certain community organizations in your area.
Lunch Dating
There are many top lunch dating organizations that were created especially for busy professionals. They arrange casual dates for lunch, brunch, or after-work drinks.
Ask Someone Out
Why not take matters in your own hands and ask out that cutie you've had your eye on? Be confident, and don't worry about getting turned down. After all, if they say no, at least you tried. But if they say yes, you've got yourself a date!.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down
Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down by Chris Widener
"Instead of spending your time thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be!"
Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the successful life. But what happens when things go wrong? What happens when circumstances deal us a blow? We have a tendency to let our attitudes take the dive along with our state of affairs. Life deals us setbacks, both minor and major, on a regular basis, but if we are going to be successful, we need to know how to deal with them and keep our attitudes intact! We need practical tools to help us understand how we can go about keeping our attitude up, when the circumstances are down. Here are some thoughts to help us do so:
Take some time-out. I'm sure you are aware of what happens. You are going about your day and everything seems to be going well, when out of nowhere disaster strikes. All of your best-laid plans begin to tumble. Sometimes circumstances surprise us and we react. Unfortunately, this often compounds the problem because by reacting we tend to operate out of our weaknesses instead of our strengths. We make decisions that are not well thought out. We function with a bad attitude that says, "I can't believe this is happening!"
The next time circumstances turn against you, take some time to just step back from the problem and think. This will enable you to deal with the issue at hand rationally, instead of emotionally. It will allow you to put your state of mind back into its proper place. It gives you the opportunity to choose your attitude as you face the circumstances at hand. Remember that we don't have to do something right now. Go grab a cup of coffee and relax little bit. By doing this you function with you being in control and not the circumstances.
Keep your eye on the goal. A second step in keeping our attitude in the proper place is to make sure we keep the important things important. One of the biggest problems with trouble is that it gets your focus off of where it should be. When I experience difficult circumstances and people ask me how it is going, I tell them, "I am just keeping my eye on the goal." It has always been fascinating to me that when racecar drivers get into trouble, they keep their eyes straight ahead and do not move them away. There is just too much chance of wrecking that way. Instead, their eyes are on the goal, and this keeps them out of trouble. If you find yourself getting down about circumstances, sit down and write out what the goal is. Give some thought to how you can achieve that goal or others you may have.
A man was asked how he was doing and he responded, "Pretty well, under the circumstances." The other man asked, "What are you doing under the circumstances?" Good question. We shouldn't be under the circumstances we should be focused on the goal and moving forward.
Focus on solutions, not problems. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, the old saying goes. Negative circumstances don't sit idly by. They scream for our attention. When we face difficult circumstances, we tend to dwell on them. We talk about them, fret about them, and give them way too much attention. Instead of talking about problems, talk about solutions. Instead of spending your time thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be! Don't have family or staff meetings about the problems and how big they are. Have meetings on the solutions and how you will implement them. Don't let yourself or other team members complain. Encourage them to solve, with an emphasis on the positive results that will come from doing so. Then take some time to put these solutions down on paper, so you can monitor your progress.
Get some positive input. The mind tends to build on itself, so when we begin to go in one direction, i.e. worry, it can be a slippery slope. One thing we must do is get our thoughts back on track with positive ideas. When circumstances have got you against the emotional wall, get with a good friend who can encourage you. Listen to a CD by Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar or another motivational speaker. Pick up a good book and give it a read. Whatever external influence you can get to put your attitude back on the positive side of the tracks - do it! It must be one of our first goals to start plugging good things into our minds to fuel our attitudes.
Tell yourself the good. One of the greatest internal powers we have is the power to control our thoughts. Spend time dwelling on the good things about your life or job instead of the problems. Think about positive things, things you enjoy and give you a sense of happiness and peace. There is an old childhood song that says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one." That is great advice! Let your positive attitude develop from within as well as from without. This makes all the difference!
Remember that circumstances are not forever. Sometimes it seems like we are going to be up to our eyeballs in the situation forever, when in reality, this too shall pass. There will be a time in the future when circumstances will change and you will be on the mountain instead of the valley. This will give you a sense of hope as you live and work that will change your attitude, make you feel better and put you on the fast track for growth!
Some questions as we close:
Q. Do you have a habit of reflection before responding?
Q. Do you have a habit of keeping your eye on the goal?
Q. Do you focus on solutions or problems?
Q. Do you give yourself positive outside influence?
Q. Do you have a habit of telling yourself the good?
Q. Do you remind yourself that nothing is forever?
Chris Widener
"Instead of spending your time thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be!"
Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the successful life. But what happens when things go wrong? What happens when circumstances deal us a blow? We have a tendency to let our attitudes take the dive along with our state of affairs. Life deals us setbacks, both minor and major, on a regular basis, but if we are going to be successful, we need to know how to deal with them and keep our attitudes intact! We need practical tools to help us understand how we can go about keeping our attitude up, when the circumstances are down. Here are some thoughts to help us do so:
Take some time-out. I'm sure you are aware of what happens. You are going about your day and everything seems to be going well, when out of nowhere disaster strikes. All of your best-laid plans begin to tumble. Sometimes circumstances surprise us and we react. Unfortunately, this often compounds the problem because by reacting we tend to operate out of our weaknesses instead of our strengths. We make decisions that are not well thought out. We function with a bad attitude that says, "I can't believe this is happening!"
The next time circumstances turn against you, take some time to just step back from the problem and think. This will enable you to deal with the issue at hand rationally, instead of emotionally. It will allow you to put your state of mind back into its proper place. It gives you the opportunity to choose your attitude as you face the circumstances at hand. Remember that we don't have to do something right now. Go grab a cup of coffee and relax little bit. By doing this you function with you being in control and not the circumstances.
Keep your eye on the goal. A second step in keeping our attitude in the proper place is to make sure we keep the important things important. One of the biggest problems with trouble is that it gets your focus off of where it should be. When I experience difficult circumstances and people ask me how it is going, I tell them, "I am just keeping my eye on the goal." It has always been fascinating to me that when racecar drivers get into trouble, they keep their eyes straight ahead and do not move them away. There is just too much chance of wrecking that way. Instead, their eyes are on the goal, and this keeps them out of trouble. If you find yourself getting down about circumstances, sit down and write out what the goal is. Give some thought to how you can achieve that goal or others you may have.
A man was asked how he was doing and he responded, "Pretty well, under the circumstances." The other man asked, "What are you doing under the circumstances?" Good question. We shouldn't be under the circumstances we should be focused on the goal and moving forward.
Focus on solutions, not problems. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, the old saying goes. Negative circumstances don't sit idly by. They scream for our attention. When we face difficult circumstances, we tend to dwell on them. We talk about them, fret about them, and give them way too much attention. Instead of talking about problems, talk about solutions. Instead of spending your time thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be! Don't have family or staff meetings about the problems and how big they are. Have meetings on the solutions and how you will implement them. Don't let yourself or other team members complain. Encourage them to solve, with an emphasis on the positive results that will come from doing so. Then take some time to put these solutions down on paper, so you can monitor your progress.
Get some positive input. The mind tends to build on itself, so when we begin to go in one direction, i.e. worry, it can be a slippery slope. One thing we must do is get our thoughts back on track with positive ideas. When circumstances have got you against the emotional wall, get with a good friend who can encourage you. Listen to a CD by Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar or another motivational speaker. Pick up a good book and give it a read. Whatever external influence you can get to put your attitude back on the positive side of the tracks - do it! It must be one of our first goals to start plugging good things into our minds to fuel our attitudes.
Tell yourself the good. One of the greatest internal powers we have is the power to control our thoughts. Spend time dwelling on the good things about your life or job instead of the problems. Think about positive things, things you enjoy and give you a sense of happiness and peace. There is an old childhood song that says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one." That is great advice! Let your positive attitude develop from within as well as from without. This makes all the difference!
Remember that circumstances are not forever. Sometimes it seems like we are going to be up to our eyeballs in the situation forever, when in reality, this too shall pass. There will be a time in the future when circumstances will change and you will be on the mountain instead of the valley. This will give you a sense of hope as you live and work that will change your attitude, make you feel better and put you on the fast track for growth!
Some questions as we close:
Q. Do you have a habit of reflection before responding?
Q. Do you have a habit of keeping your eye on the goal?
Q. Do you focus on solutions or problems?
Q. Do you give yourself positive outside influence?
Q. Do you have a habit of telling yourself the good?
Q. Do you remind yourself that nothing is forever?
Chris Widener
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Affairs, Infidelity, Cheating and Moving Past the Broken Trust
Affairs, Infidelity, Cheating and Moving Past the Broken Trust
Affairs are not one night stands. Cheating can be a one night stand, a short lived infraction, or a habit. In either case, cheating or affair, the result is a show of disrespect for one's partner. Infidelity can occur for many reasons. Boredom, unfulfilled psyche issues, addiction, revenge, emotional insecurity ( immaturity ), and poor judgment during times of inhibition, to name a few. Affairs usually begin with emotional bonding, then proceed to physical intimacy. Affairs of the heart usually start as friendships, progress to emotionally connected, then develop a chemistry. Somewhere between friendship and emotionally connected, something dangerous occurs and the individuals develop a common bond. It can be a common bond of dissatisfaction at home or with their significant other. The individuals involved somehow find a common thread in which they can share discussions, listening, problem solving. In most cases, when the individuals are of the opposite sex, and involved with other people, this starts a recipe for an affair. As the friendship bond progresses and strengthens, a potential progression of this bonding brings with it the danger of progressing physical intimacy. If either of the individuals involved are experiencing home based relationship issues which are causing dissatisfaction, then the risk of affair is higher.
The damage of an affair?
The most damaging part of an affair is that which is experienced by the person that was victimized by the cheating. If your are a spouse or significant other that has been on the receiving end of infidelity, then the most damaging part of this situation is the lack of self trust. Most persons are able to come to grips with the infraction, however, resolving the potential of possible future infractions is where most people have damaging psychological effects. The internal conflict that arises is "How can a person, the victim, that has shown poor character analysis, trust themselves not to engage in another future relationship that will end the same way?" This lack of self trust often plays itself out in "control" issues, especially in first relationship that occurs immediately following a failed relationship.
Can couples recover from an affair?
First the question of why the person cheated needs to be answered? If the cheating is part of a sexual addiction, recovery is difficult. People also need to recognize the health dangers of this behavior. Some couples are known to have agreements that condone multiple sexual partners. This raises the question about why they are a committed couple in the first place. Some couples proceed through life "trolling" while others like to "chum" for sharks. In either case these behaviors not only carry a health risk, but they also carry the risk of a chemical bond being created with another person. Studies on brain chemistry and hormonal responses support the notion that the early courtship period, years 1-3, are bolstered with the ignition of heated biochemical reactions. These reactions, much like the brain's response to chocolate, create a biochemical glue that supports a couple's early years. After several years, the relationship needs more than just chemistry to survive. If no mutual respect has developed, or the relationship doesn't have any other dimensions, the relationship will most likely fail. Without a strong respect and common ground, then no "glue" exists, except common history, to hold the relationship together while work is done to repair it. And be assured this repair takes focus and hard work. However, if a person has an addiction to the biochemical reactions, then it is a good bet that further acts of cheating will follow. Recovering a relationship from infidelity, or simply recovering from being victimized by a cheater takes time. If a couple decides to repair their relationship then the single most important thing to focus on is a persons actions. If a person has been cheated on, and they are willing to move past it and repair the relationship, then the real test of a person is their credibility. Credibility never developed out of talking. It only develops out of actions that support one's verbal intentions. If the cheater is unable to overcompensate for a period of time, by being overly accountable for their actions, then the credibility that is necessary to repair the broken trust will not develop. Without this trust, no respect develops, and the "glue" necessary fails to lend itself to the repair of the relationship.
Affairs are not one night stands. Cheating can be a one night stand, a short lived infraction, or a habit. In either case, cheating or affair, the result is a show of disrespect for one's partner. Infidelity can occur for many reasons. Boredom, unfulfilled psyche issues, addiction, revenge, emotional insecurity ( immaturity ), and poor judgment during times of inhibition, to name a few. Affairs usually begin with emotional bonding, then proceed to physical intimacy. Affairs of the heart usually start as friendships, progress to emotionally connected, then develop a chemistry. Somewhere between friendship and emotionally connected, something dangerous occurs and the individuals develop a common bond. It can be a common bond of dissatisfaction at home or with their significant other. The individuals involved somehow find a common thread in which they can share discussions, listening, problem solving. In most cases, when the individuals are of the opposite sex, and involved with other people, this starts a recipe for an affair. As the friendship bond progresses and strengthens, a potential progression of this bonding brings with it the danger of progressing physical intimacy. If either of the individuals involved are experiencing home based relationship issues which are causing dissatisfaction, then the risk of affair is higher.
The damage of an affair?
The most damaging part of an affair is that which is experienced by the person that was victimized by the cheating. If your are a spouse or significant other that has been on the receiving end of infidelity, then the most damaging part of this situation is the lack of self trust. Most persons are able to come to grips with the infraction, however, resolving the potential of possible future infractions is where most people have damaging psychological effects. The internal conflict that arises is "How can a person, the victim, that has shown poor character analysis, trust themselves not to engage in another future relationship that will end the same way?" This lack of self trust often plays itself out in "control" issues, especially in first relationship that occurs immediately following a failed relationship.
Can couples recover from an affair?
First the question of why the person cheated needs to be answered? If the cheating is part of a sexual addiction, recovery is difficult. People also need to recognize the health dangers of this behavior. Some couples are known to have agreements that condone multiple sexual partners. This raises the question about why they are a committed couple in the first place. Some couples proceed through life "trolling" while others like to "chum" for sharks. In either case these behaviors not only carry a health risk, but they also carry the risk of a chemical bond being created with another person. Studies on brain chemistry and hormonal responses support the notion that the early courtship period, years 1-3, are bolstered with the ignition of heated biochemical reactions. These reactions, much like the brain's response to chocolate, create a biochemical glue that supports a couple's early years. After several years, the relationship needs more than just chemistry to survive. If no mutual respect has developed, or the relationship doesn't have any other dimensions, the relationship will most likely fail. Without a strong respect and common ground, then no "glue" exists, except common history, to hold the relationship together while work is done to repair it. And be assured this repair takes focus and hard work. However, if a person has an addiction to the biochemical reactions, then it is a good bet that further acts of cheating will follow. Recovering a relationship from infidelity, or simply recovering from being victimized by a cheater takes time. If a couple decides to repair their relationship then the single most important thing to focus on is a persons actions. If a person has been cheated on, and they are willing to move past it and repair the relationship, then the real test of a person is their credibility. Credibility never developed out of talking. It only develops out of actions that support one's verbal intentions. If the cheater is unable to overcompensate for a period of time, by being overly accountable for their actions, then the credibility that is necessary to repair the broken trust will not develop. Without this trust, no respect develops, and the "glue" necessary fails to lend itself to the repair of the relationship.
"What To Do When A Strong Issue Becomes Divisive"
"What To Do When A Strong Issue Becomes
Divisive"
By Susie and Otto Collins
A few days ago we received a question from a
woman that reminded us of a big chance at
"fame" that we passed up a year or so ago when
we were asked to be on a TV show called "Wife
Swap."
If you're not familiar with the show, "Wife Swap" is
an unscripted reality TV show that airs weekly on
the ABC Television Network where each week
from across the country, two families with very
different values are chosen to take part in a
two-week long challenge. The wives from these
two families exchange husbands, children and
lives (but not bedrooms) to discover just what it's
like to live another woman's life.
As you can imagine, it didn't take us long to decline
their offer because it simply isn't in alignment with
what we are all about or want for our lives and our
relationship.
Which brings us back to this woman's question...
She wrote that her husband says that he still
loves her but wants to do "wife swapping." She
doesn't want to and is feeling a great deal of
pressure from him to do it. He told her that she
has "issues" about the topic that he doesn't.
She said that she feels that she's not enough.
Her question to us--which is one that we receive
every day from people about all sorts of topics--
is this...
"Am I right to feel the way I do?"
Whether the relationship challenge is about wife
swapping, jealousy over someone at work, helping
with child care, housework, or any other conflict,
the nagging question that many people have is
the one this woman had. It just manifests itself in
different forms for different people and with different
issues.
So with that in mind, we'll answer her question "Am
I right to feel the way I do?" in this way...
In our opinion, one of the biggest relationship
questions we should all be asking ourselves (and our
partner) all the time is-- "Will this (whatever the
"this" is AND it could be anything) move us closer
together or move us further apart?
We've found that what everyone really wants in
relationship is connection. You can call it many
names and it can manifest in different ways but
we all crave connection.
That being said, in our relationship the two of us
are always looking at how we are together and
what requests we make of each other through the
filter of this question...
"Will this make our relationship stronger or will it
move us further apart."
Since our love and connection is the most important
thing in the world to us, then we only want to do
things that bring us closer together.
In this woman's situation, it's not really about her
"issues" about wife swapping that keep her from
wanting to participate. In our opinion, it's really about
what's good for the growth of their relationship. It's
about whether he's feeling into her and seeing whether
what he's suggesting will serve her and their
relationship or not.
Just for the purpose of this moment... set aside any
personal, religious or social judgments you might have
about whether this situation is right or wrong and
consider this...
If the husband wants to do wife swapping and she
doesn't, it's pretty clear that it won't serve their
relationship.
If he still insists on doing it after talking with her
and finding out "she's not interested," it is more
for his own gratification, pleasure and desire for
the next big adventure than it is about what will bring
the two of them closer together.
In situations like these where there's a big emotional
charge and one person is made to feel "less than"
because he or she won't go along with the other one's
desires or ideas, here are a few of our suggestions...
1. Both people need to pay attention to and not dismiss
their feelings, attitudes, values and desires. Does that
mean that you can't expand or change? Certainly not,
but it does mean that if something feels "right" or "wrong"
to you, you need to pay attention.
2. Listen to each other with an open heart. Find out
why you each feel the way you do. In this woman's
case, find out what it is about doing the swapping
that appeals to her husband. What is it about this that
appeals and excites him? Approach this from a place
of genuine curiosity and then see what he shares with
you.
Is this easy? Of course not. But if you want to keep
a relationship together or at least give it a chance
when challenges like this happen, this is a crucial
step.
3. If the answer is something like he's only trying to
add some new excitement because he's bored
(or some similar reason), you have an opportunity
to openly and honestly talk about how you can
bring more excitement into the relationship without
doing something that will weaken or destroy the
relationship, your connection and go against your
values.
4. If the he/she insists on doing whatever is the
challenge and it feels detrimental to the health of
the relationship, the other partner needs to practice
setting and keeping boundaries.
As for feeling that you are not enough...
If this is your challenge, make the decision to act
like you are enough.
Not feeling like you are enough is just one or more of
those old (or current) programs that you continue
replaying in your head. Make a different program that
says you are enough.
One thing you can count on is this-- when you believe
and act like you are enough, that's the way other people
will treat you.
These kinds of challenges can wake up a marriage or
relationship--or can separate the people in them.
How you move through them and how open you are
to yourself and to each other determines the future
health and vitality of the relationship.
sending positve energy your way!!!!!!!!!!
Divisive"
By Susie and Otto Collins
A few days ago we received a question from a
woman that reminded us of a big chance at
"fame" that we passed up a year or so ago when
we were asked to be on a TV show called "Wife
Swap."
If you're not familiar with the show, "Wife Swap" is
an unscripted reality TV show that airs weekly on
the ABC Television Network where each week
from across the country, two families with very
different values are chosen to take part in a
two-week long challenge. The wives from these
two families exchange husbands, children and
lives (but not bedrooms) to discover just what it's
like to live another woman's life.
As you can imagine, it didn't take us long to decline
their offer because it simply isn't in alignment with
what we are all about or want for our lives and our
relationship.
Which brings us back to this woman's question...
She wrote that her husband says that he still
loves her but wants to do "wife swapping." She
doesn't want to and is feeling a great deal of
pressure from him to do it. He told her that she
has "issues" about the topic that he doesn't.
She said that she feels that she's not enough.
Her question to us--which is one that we receive
every day from people about all sorts of topics--
is this...
"Am I right to feel the way I do?"
Whether the relationship challenge is about wife
swapping, jealousy over someone at work, helping
with child care, housework, or any other conflict,
the nagging question that many people have is
the one this woman had. It just manifests itself in
different forms for different people and with different
issues.
So with that in mind, we'll answer her question "Am
I right to feel the way I do?" in this way...
In our opinion, one of the biggest relationship
questions we should all be asking ourselves (and our
partner) all the time is-- "Will this (whatever the
"this" is AND it could be anything) move us closer
together or move us further apart?
We've found that what everyone really wants in
relationship is connection. You can call it many
names and it can manifest in different ways but
we all crave connection.
That being said, in our relationship the two of us
are always looking at how we are together and
what requests we make of each other through the
filter of this question...
"Will this make our relationship stronger or will it
move us further apart."
Since our love and connection is the most important
thing in the world to us, then we only want to do
things that bring us closer together.
In this woman's situation, it's not really about her
"issues" about wife swapping that keep her from
wanting to participate. In our opinion, it's really about
what's good for the growth of their relationship. It's
about whether he's feeling into her and seeing whether
what he's suggesting will serve her and their
relationship or not.
Just for the purpose of this moment... set aside any
personal, religious or social judgments you might have
about whether this situation is right or wrong and
consider this...
If the husband wants to do wife swapping and she
doesn't, it's pretty clear that it won't serve their
relationship.
If he still insists on doing it after talking with her
and finding out "she's not interested," it is more
for his own gratification, pleasure and desire for
the next big adventure than it is about what will bring
the two of them closer together.
In situations like these where there's a big emotional
charge and one person is made to feel "less than"
because he or she won't go along with the other one's
desires or ideas, here are a few of our suggestions...
1. Both people need to pay attention to and not dismiss
their feelings, attitudes, values and desires. Does that
mean that you can't expand or change? Certainly not,
but it does mean that if something feels "right" or "wrong"
to you, you need to pay attention.
2. Listen to each other with an open heart. Find out
why you each feel the way you do. In this woman's
case, find out what it is about doing the swapping
that appeals to her husband. What is it about this that
appeals and excites him? Approach this from a place
of genuine curiosity and then see what he shares with
you.
Is this easy? Of course not. But if you want to keep
a relationship together or at least give it a chance
when challenges like this happen, this is a crucial
step.
3. If the answer is something like he's only trying to
add some new excitement because he's bored
(or some similar reason), you have an opportunity
to openly and honestly talk about how you can
bring more excitement into the relationship without
doing something that will weaken or destroy the
relationship, your connection and go against your
values.
4. If the he/she insists on doing whatever is the
challenge and it feels detrimental to the health of
the relationship, the other partner needs to practice
setting and keeping boundaries.
As for feeling that you are not enough...
If this is your challenge, make the decision to act
like you are enough.
Not feeling like you are enough is just one or more of
those old (or current) programs that you continue
replaying in your head. Make a different program that
says you are enough.
One thing you can count on is this-- when you believe
and act like you are enough, that's the way other people
will treat you.
These kinds of challenges can wake up a marriage or
relationship--or can separate the people in them.
How you move through them and how open you are
to yourself and to each other determines the future
health and vitality of the relationship.
sending positve energy your way!!!!!!!!!!
Getting Money Right – What You Deserve by Jeffery Combs
Getting Money Right – What You Deserve by Jeffery Combs
Isn't it about time that you got right with money? When I say "right" what I am talking about is getting money right emotionally. Money is a very controversial subject in our society. Mention money to almost anyone and it will bring out a certain level of discomfort because almost everyone lacks money. Statistics say that 97% of our population works for 3% of society. Only around 4% to 5 % achieve a six figure income and one-twentieth of 1% of society achieve a seven figure income. "Why is it," I ask, "that so many people struggle when we are living in a world with so many opportunities to create wealth?" In this information I will be presenting what I believe to be the reasons that hold so many people from receiving the money they deserve.
I have personally coached hundreds of great people in the last six years whose struggles with money issues have caused them to sabotage themselves over and over. One of the first questions to ask when it comes to money is, "Who was my role model when it comes to money, prosperity, finance, and abundance?" For most of us it was our parents and for them it was their parents. Let's also state that this information is not about blaming anyone. You are now a grownup and your perception of money is now up to you.
The next question to ask is, "What did I learn in my education about money?" Typical high school curriculum includes courses about economics and government but nothing about how to attract money or how to have a healthy relationship with money. Traditional education teaches how to acquire job skills, and prepares students to get paid what a particular job is worth, not what the individual is worth. Making more money requires education about free enterprise and how to get paid what the free market bears; getting paid on your terms and your time frame, and learning about service and value. The more valuable you become through the service you provide, the more you make. This is not about working hard because if that were the case, then all of the world laborers would be millionaires.
Over the centuries money has gotten a bad rap by being associated with corruption, greed, pain, and the misuse of power. A perception grew that somehow the rich deprived the poor and that wealthy people were bad people, were not loveable, were disconnected from love, and were greedy. The sad fact is that most people just don't believe they deserve to have money freedom or peace of mind. I believe that you can be rich, spiritual, and prosperous, and that with your abundance you can create love and compassion using your wealth to assist others strengthen their skills so that they too have the opportunity to be prosperous in life's ways.
Most of us have been taught that "Money is the root of all evil," but the actual quotation from the Bible is, "The love of money is the root of all evil." Money itself is neutral – not good or bad. It is paper and metal that symbolizes an exchange of goods and services. Money is an energy that you either attract or repel. It is the negative emotions around money such as greed, obsession, and power that can bring negative experiences, and that keep most people from it.
In the last several centuries there has been radical change in opportunity, philosophy, and ways to create wealth. Many courageous forerunners paved the way for new thoughts and ideas about prosperity, abundance, self sufficiency, and enlightenment. Just in the last hundred years brilliant writers and speakers have emerged like Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Earnest Holmes, Katherine Ponder, Florence Scovel Schinn, Earl Nightingale, Louise Hay, Jim Rohn and Tony Robbins, to name a few of my favorites that have assisted me with my enlightenment. A whole consciousness of self-help and personal development has become available to the masses. Bookstores and coffee bars are now as popular as some of the old traditional night spots, and we now have access to coaches and mentors to be emotionally, financially, and spiritually fit.
People now realize that they are responsible for their own empowerment. They see that assuming responsibility can bring them prosperity and allow them to become more and to do more. For this to happen, people have to have belief in themselves and grasp the idea that they can control their lives. In our me-too, microwave, lottery-mentality society very few people ever put the proper thoughts and proper actions together at the same time to provoke the results they deserve. Plain and simple, most people don't believe they deserve prosperity and abundance. They want, wish, like to, if only, pray for a miracle, and most of all want for change to happen. Sorry, it doesn't operate that way. Too many people tiptoe quietly to their graves looking back only to say – "I wish I would have!"
Still, don't lose heart for it can officially become "Now O'clock" at any minute. There are 86,400 seconds in every single day; 1,440 minutes, 24 hours, one day, one week, one month, one year, one lifetime. We can change at any moment. Is it hard or is it easy? You are one thought away from success or one thought away from failure. It is a choice we have the opportunity to make every single day.
I believe God wants us to be rich, prosperous, and free. God did not create fear, it is manmade. Fear overrides most people's dreams and objectives. Most people aren't even able to identify what they are afraid of. All they know is they are struggling just to keep up with the other sheep in the pasture. You have to get past the thoughts that money is bad and will somehow taint you. Abundance is natural and spiritual. Money will not deprive you but could actually enlighten you. Many of the great teachers have given credence to the idea that abundance is spiritual and that it is the power of your thoughts that creates abundance for you.
If you are wealthy more often than not you will be dispersing your money commercially and charitably, supporting many people around you and adding to the velocity of overall wealth. There are literally trillions of dollars passing about electronically on any given day, and those signals are literally passing by you at all times. If you stop and think about it, there are millions of dollars flowing through your body at the moment. Imagine making a slight flick of the wrist in order to stop some of that money in transit so it sticks with you. A flick of the mind is a flick of the wrist. Money can be good – greed is not good. There are no reasons why you can't be very rich, very rich in fact, and still be a very valuable generous spiritual person with a huge heart and compassion for everyone.
Jeff Combs
Jeffery Combs is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker, and author in the Network Marketing & Direct Sales Industry. He is the author of the highly inspiring books More Heart Than Talent and Psychologically Unemployable as well as over fourteen other motivational and personal development products.
Isn't it about time that you got right with money? When I say "right" what I am talking about is getting money right emotionally. Money is a very controversial subject in our society. Mention money to almost anyone and it will bring out a certain level of discomfort because almost everyone lacks money. Statistics say that 97% of our population works for 3% of society. Only around 4% to 5 % achieve a six figure income and one-twentieth of 1% of society achieve a seven figure income. "Why is it," I ask, "that so many people struggle when we are living in a world with so many opportunities to create wealth?" In this information I will be presenting what I believe to be the reasons that hold so many people from receiving the money they deserve.
I have personally coached hundreds of great people in the last six years whose struggles with money issues have caused them to sabotage themselves over and over. One of the first questions to ask when it comes to money is, "Who was my role model when it comes to money, prosperity, finance, and abundance?" For most of us it was our parents and for them it was their parents. Let's also state that this information is not about blaming anyone. You are now a grownup and your perception of money is now up to you.
The next question to ask is, "What did I learn in my education about money?" Typical high school curriculum includes courses about economics and government but nothing about how to attract money or how to have a healthy relationship with money. Traditional education teaches how to acquire job skills, and prepares students to get paid what a particular job is worth, not what the individual is worth. Making more money requires education about free enterprise and how to get paid what the free market bears; getting paid on your terms and your time frame, and learning about service and value. The more valuable you become through the service you provide, the more you make. This is not about working hard because if that were the case, then all of the world laborers would be millionaires.
Over the centuries money has gotten a bad rap by being associated with corruption, greed, pain, and the misuse of power. A perception grew that somehow the rich deprived the poor and that wealthy people were bad people, were not loveable, were disconnected from love, and were greedy. The sad fact is that most people just don't believe they deserve to have money freedom or peace of mind. I believe that you can be rich, spiritual, and prosperous, and that with your abundance you can create love and compassion using your wealth to assist others strengthen their skills so that they too have the opportunity to be prosperous in life's ways.
Most of us have been taught that "Money is the root of all evil," but the actual quotation from the Bible is, "The love of money is the root of all evil." Money itself is neutral – not good or bad. It is paper and metal that symbolizes an exchange of goods and services. Money is an energy that you either attract or repel. It is the negative emotions around money such as greed, obsession, and power that can bring negative experiences, and that keep most people from it.
In the last several centuries there has been radical change in opportunity, philosophy, and ways to create wealth. Many courageous forerunners paved the way for new thoughts and ideas about prosperity, abundance, self sufficiency, and enlightenment. Just in the last hundred years brilliant writers and speakers have emerged like Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie, Earnest Holmes, Katherine Ponder, Florence Scovel Schinn, Earl Nightingale, Louise Hay, Jim Rohn and Tony Robbins, to name a few of my favorites that have assisted me with my enlightenment. A whole consciousness of self-help and personal development has become available to the masses. Bookstores and coffee bars are now as popular as some of the old traditional night spots, and we now have access to coaches and mentors to be emotionally, financially, and spiritually fit.
People now realize that they are responsible for their own empowerment. They see that assuming responsibility can bring them prosperity and allow them to become more and to do more. For this to happen, people have to have belief in themselves and grasp the idea that they can control their lives. In our me-too, microwave, lottery-mentality society very few people ever put the proper thoughts and proper actions together at the same time to provoke the results they deserve. Plain and simple, most people don't believe they deserve prosperity and abundance. They want, wish, like to, if only, pray for a miracle, and most of all want for change to happen. Sorry, it doesn't operate that way. Too many people tiptoe quietly to their graves looking back only to say – "I wish I would have!"
Still, don't lose heart for it can officially become "Now O'clock" at any minute. There are 86,400 seconds in every single day; 1,440 minutes, 24 hours, one day, one week, one month, one year, one lifetime. We can change at any moment. Is it hard or is it easy? You are one thought away from success or one thought away from failure. It is a choice we have the opportunity to make every single day.
I believe God wants us to be rich, prosperous, and free. God did not create fear, it is manmade. Fear overrides most people's dreams and objectives. Most people aren't even able to identify what they are afraid of. All they know is they are struggling just to keep up with the other sheep in the pasture. You have to get past the thoughts that money is bad and will somehow taint you. Abundance is natural and spiritual. Money will not deprive you but could actually enlighten you. Many of the great teachers have given credence to the idea that abundance is spiritual and that it is the power of your thoughts that creates abundance for you.
If you are wealthy more often than not you will be dispersing your money commercially and charitably, supporting many people around you and adding to the velocity of overall wealth. There are literally trillions of dollars passing about electronically on any given day, and those signals are literally passing by you at all times. If you stop and think about it, there are millions of dollars flowing through your body at the moment. Imagine making a slight flick of the wrist in order to stop some of that money in transit so it sticks with you. A flick of the mind is a flick of the wrist. Money can be good – greed is not good. There are no reasons why you can't be very rich, very rich in fact, and still be a very valuable generous spiritual person with a huge heart and compassion for everyone.
Jeff Combs
Jeffery Combs is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker, and author in the Network Marketing & Direct Sales Industry. He is the author of the highly inspiring books More Heart Than Talent and Psychologically Unemployable as well as over fourteen other motivational and personal development products.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
fired from my job-HOW TO HANDLE IT
Career
By Michael Mayne
I was recently fired from my job, and I'm still very upset since I've always worked hard and thought I would retire from this organization, which I helped to build. I feel totally deflated and demoralized - certainly not what I expected at this stage in my career. What should I do? Any ideas?
Job loss, especially if it comes unexpectedly, is always a shock. Many of us naturally place a great deal of our self-worth into what we do for a living, but it's critical to think beyond the immediate, and look at the longer term. The following steps should assist you during this transitionary period.
1. Take Some Time to Think
Maintain your dignity and professionalism throughout this trying period. You should allow yourself to grieve for something you lost, but don't wallow in self-pity. Instead, select two or three "safe" confidants for airing your feelings. It is critically important that you carefully maintain your public image as a competent professional who can roll with the punches. Behaving negatively, or like a "victim" can only hurt your future opportunities.
2. Evaluate Your Severance Offer
Severance pay is not a reward for long or loyal service. It is a reasonable bridge to future employment, and is based on your:
level within the organization
length of service
age
anticipated re-employability
industry
Your severance should also provide some coverage for benefits and, preferably, some re-employment assistance (Outplacement).
If you are concerned with the fairness of your settlement, discuss your offer with an employment lawyer, but resist the urge to sue. Your new focus in on your future, and you will usually get a better result by seeking an amicable resolution through polite, informal negotiation.
3. Arrange your Finances
You need a clear picture of:
your net worth
what you owe
what you need per month to maintain your present lifestyle
Then, work with other family members to prepare a conservative but realistic budget for the next 6-12 months.
4. Don't Leap into a Job Search Immediately
Resist the temptation to immediately send out resumés, rush out to interviews or to "grab anything". When you have just been terminated, your hurt or anger will show in interviews. Career decisions are too important to be made when you are still off balance.
5. Take Stock of Yourself
Take this opportunity to reassess who you are, determine your most marketable strengths, and work towards a "good fit" situation. This will permit a planned, strategic approach to the next step in your career. While you may feel stigmatized as "unemployed", there is not generally a stigma in the marketplace with unemployment, and it can even provide benefits to you over the competition.
6. Upgrade Your Job Search Techniques
Bring your job search strategy up to your present level, and the current market. Mailing out 200 resumés or registering with a dozen headhunters may have worked for you fifteen years ago, but these strategies are no longer effective or appropriate.
7. Educate Yourself
Undertake to understand the major changes in the work world (the "New Normal") and how best you can fit in. You will then have more control over your future career.
8. Maintain as Normal a Lifestyle as Possible
Your current job is to find your next job. While this should be a full-time job (at least 35 hours a week), it should not be a 24-hour-a-day obsession. You and your family need to socialize and make time for recreation and play, to give you the energy for the period ahead.
9. Look to the Future
For many of our clients, the benefit of hindsight has shown them that the loss of their previous job was the best thing that could have happened to them, even if they had to go through some rather rough and uncertain times to get there. Your attitude during your transition can make the difference between long-term unemployment or a fulfilling job that you enjoy.
By Michael Mayne
I was recently fired from my job, and I'm still very upset since I've always worked hard and thought I would retire from this organization, which I helped to build. I feel totally deflated and demoralized - certainly not what I expected at this stage in my career. What should I do? Any ideas?
Job loss, especially if it comes unexpectedly, is always a shock. Many of us naturally place a great deal of our self-worth into what we do for a living, but it's critical to think beyond the immediate, and look at the longer term. The following steps should assist you during this transitionary period.
1. Take Some Time to Think
Maintain your dignity and professionalism throughout this trying period. You should allow yourself to grieve for something you lost, but don't wallow in self-pity. Instead, select two or three "safe" confidants for airing your feelings. It is critically important that you carefully maintain your public image as a competent professional who can roll with the punches. Behaving negatively, or like a "victim" can only hurt your future opportunities.
2. Evaluate Your Severance Offer
Severance pay is not a reward for long or loyal service. It is a reasonable bridge to future employment, and is based on your:
level within the organization
length of service
age
anticipated re-employability
industry
Your severance should also provide some coverage for benefits and, preferably, some re-employment assistance (Outplacement).
If you are concerned with the fairness of your settlement, discuss your offer with an employment lawyer, but resist the urge to sue. Your new focus in on your future, and you will usually get a better result by seeking an amicable resolution through polite, informal negotiation.
3. Arrange your Finances
You need a clear picture of:
your net worth
what you owe
what you need per month to maintain your present lifestyle
Then, work with other family members to prepare a conservative but realistic budget for the next 6-12 months.
4. Don't Leap into a Job Search Immediately
Resist the temptation to immediately send out resumés, rush out to interviews or to "grab anything". When you have just been terminated, your hurt or anger will show in interviews. Career decisions are too important to be made when you are still off balance.
5. Take Stock of Yourself
Take this opportunity to reassess who you are, determine your most marketable strengths, and work towards a "good fit" situation. This will permit a planned, strategic approach to the next step in your career. While you may feel stigmatized as "unemployed", there is not generally a stigma in the marketplace with unemployment, and it can even provide benefits to you over the competition.
6. Upgrade Your Job Search Techniques
Bring your job search strategy up to your present level, and the current market. Mailing out 200 resumés or registering with a dozen headhunters may have worked for you fifteen years ago, but these strategies are no longer effective or appropriate.
7. Educate Yourself
Undertake to understand the major changes in the work world (the "New Normal") and how best you can fit in. You will then have more control over your future career.
8. Maintain as Normal a Lifestyle as Possible
Your current job is to find your next job. While this should be a full-time job (at least 35 hours a week), it should not be a 24-hour-a-day obsession. You and your family need to socialize and make time for recreation and play, to give you the energy for the period ahead.
9. Look to the Future
For many of our clients, the benefit of hindsight has shown them that the loss of their previous job was the best thing that could have happened to them, even if they had to go through some rather rough and uncertain times to get there. Your attitude during your transition can make the difference between long-term unemployment or a fulfilling job that you enjoy.
Dating Tips & Advice "Fear of Intimacy"
"Fear of Intimacy" by Susie and Otto Collins
Daphne was everybody's friend. She was the life of any party and when someone needed help, she was always there. She helped organize events at work which were over and above her normal duties. She even helped take care of her ailing father when her siblings wouldn't or couldn't help. She kept busy all of the time.
Everyone agreed that she was a great person and yet Daphne had an empty feeling inside herself and secretly wondered if there was something more to life. Although she couldn't quite put her finger on it, she felt like something was missing.
Although no one could have guessed, at the bottom of Daphne's "empty" feelings was a fear of intimacy. While we are in no way saying that there is a problem with being of service to others, we are saying that "busyness" is one way people sabotage connections with others.
This is not only true of intimate relationships but also with co-workers, family members, and friends. There also can be a fear of intimacy with yourself.
Besides "busyness," here are some other ways that the fear of intimacy might show itself:
--pointing an accusatory finger outward, judging the other person instead of looking within
--displaying anger or hostility to keep people away
--cutting, sarcastic remarks that are supposedly meant to be humorous or "kidding"
--being sexual while closing down to a true connection and intimacy
--adopting a superior attitude
The list could go on and on but we think you probably have the idea...
What we have discovered is however the outward behavior shows itself, there is a survival need that's not being met.
We have found that when we are strong within ourselves, our survival needs are not in question and we are open to a deep connection with others.
We are certainly aware that fear of intimacy can also be a "red flag" telling you that this relationship isn't right for you.
So how do you know when to move past the fear and open yourself further into the relationship--or when to use your fear as a signal that being intimate in this relationship is not very wise?
We suggest that you open to love no matter what. To us, this means loving the person while maintaining boundaries that are healthy for you. It doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with the other person but it does mean honoring them and holding them in compassion.
It doesn't mean being in the type of relationship that the other person wants. True intimacy is opening to love in every moment.
With that being said, here are 5 ways to help you to move past your fears and open more to intimacy with the people in your life...
1. Don't confuse busyness with connection. If you are like Daphne and feel like there's something missing in your life, start looking at all the things that keep you busy. Start slowing down and taking time to connect with people even with a smile or a kind word.
2. Don't confuse listening and giving advice with listening from your heart. True intimacy begins with listening with an open heart and not from your frame of reference. True intimacy begins with understanding the other person's frame of reference.
3. Don't confuse giving love and kindness with true intimacy. True intimacy comes from giving love from deep inside. This might be something entirely different than doing the things that you consider are being loving. True intimacy asks that you learn to receive as well as to give.
4. Always take time to support and nurture yourself. If you don't allow an intimate connection with yourself, how can you expect to have one with another person? Take the time to be introspective and love yourself. If that means getting a massage, do it. Whatever supporting yourself means to you, do it.
5. Speak your truth in ways that others can hear. Unfinished business and words left unsaid build up walls that keep intimacy out. Although your truth may be difficult to say, talk to the other person from a place of pure love.
Fear of intimacy can be the result of many different things going on inside of you. What's so interesting about "fear of intimacy" is that until you let go of the fear of getting hurt (or the fear of whatever is keeping you from being more intimate) then, you'll never have the kind of love, depth and connection that we know is possible.
Opening your heart and letting go of your fears can be difficult. If your fears of intimacy are keeping you from having the best possible relationship, we encourage you to work through whatever is causing you to be fearful. More love and closer and more connected relationships await when you do.
Daphne was everybody's friend. She was the life of any party and when someone needed help, she was always there. She helped organize events at work which were over and above her normal duties. She even helped take care of her ailing father when her siblings wouldn't or couldn't help. She kept busy all of the time.
Everyone agreed that she was a great person and yet Daphne had an empty feeling inside herself and secretly wondered if there was something more to life. Although she couldn't quite put her finger on it, she felt like something was missing.
Although no one could have guessed, at the bottom of Daphne's "empty" feelings was a fear of intimacy. While we are in no way saying that there is a problem with being of service to others, we are saying that "busyness" is one way people sabotage connections with others.
This is not only true of intimate relationships but also with co-workers, family members, and friends. There also can be a fear of intimacy with yourself.
Besides "busyness," here are some other ways that the fear of intimacy might show itself:
--pointing an accusatory finger outward, judging the other person instead of looking within
--displaying anger or hostility to keep people away
--cutting, sarcastic remarks that are supposedly meant to be humorous or "kidding"
--being sexual while closing down to a true connection and intimacy
--adopting a superior attitude
The list could go on and on but we think you probably have the idea...
What we have discovered is however the outward behavior shows itself, there is a survival need that's not being met.
We have found that when we are strong within ourselves, our survival needs are not in question and we are open to a deep connection with others.
We are certainly aware that fear of intimacy can also be a "red flag" telling you that this relationship isn't right for you.
So how do you know when to move past the fear and open yourself further into the relationship--or when to use your fear as a signal that being intimate in this relationship is not very wise?
We suggest that you open to love no matter what. To us, this means loving the person while maintaining boundaries that are healthy for you. It doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with the other person but it does mean honoring them and holding them in compassion.
It doesn't mean being in the type of relationship that the other person wants. True intimacy is opening to love in every moment.
With that being said, here are 5 ways to help you to move past your fears and open more to intimacy with the people in your life...
1. Don't confuse busyness with connection. If you are like Daphne and feel like there's something missing in your life, start looking at all the things that keep you busy. Start slowing down and taking time to connect with people even with a smile or a kind word.
2. Don't confuse listening and giving advice with listening from your heart. True intimacy begins with listening with an open heart and not from your frame of reference. True intimacy begins with understanding the other person's frame of reference.
3. Don't confuse giving love and kindness with true intimacy. True intimacy comes from giving love from deep inside. This might be something entirely different than doing the things that you consider are being loving. True intimacy asks that you learn to receive as well as to give.
4. Always take time to support and nurture yourself. If you don't allow an intimate connection with yourself, how can you expect to have one with another person? Take the time to be introspective and love yourself. If that means getting a massage, do it. Whatever supporting yourself means to you, do it.
5. Speak your truth in ways that others can hear. Unfinished business and words left unsaid build up walls that keep intimacy out. Although your truth may be difficult to say, talk to the other person from a place of pure love.
Fear of intimacy can be the result of many different things going on inside of you. What's so interesting about "fear of intimacy" is that until you let go of the fear of getting hurt (or the fear of whatever is keeping you from being more intimate) then, you'll never have the kind of love, depth and connection that we know is possible.
Opening your heart and letting go of your fears can be difficult. If your fears of intimacy are keeping you from having the best possible relationship, we encourage you to work through whatever is causing you to be fearful. More love and closer and more connected relationships await when you do.
Focus On Key Result Areas
Focus On Key Result Areas
By: Brian Tracy
The Key Question for You to Ask
Why are you on the payroll? This is one of the most important questions you ever ask and answer, over and over again, throughout your career.
As it happens, most people are not sure exactly why they are on the payroll. But if you are not crystal clear about why it is that you are on the payroll and what results you have been hired to accomplish, it is very hard for you to perform at your best and get paid more and promoted faster.
Determine the Results Expected of You
In its simplest terms, you have been hired to get specific results. A wage or a salary is a payment for a specific quality and quantity of work that can be combined with the work of others to create a product or service that customers are willing to pay for.
Define Your Key Result Areas
Each job can be broken down into about five to seven key result areas, seldom more. These are the results that you absolutely, positively have to get to fulfill your responsibilities and make your maximum contribution to your organization. Your failure to perform in a critical result area of your work can lead to failure at your job. There is essential knowledge and skill that you must have for your job. These demands are constantly changing. There are core competencies that you have developed that make it possible for you to do your job in the first place. But there are always key results that are central to your work and which determine your success or failure in your job.
You Are Responsible
A key result area is defined as something for which you are completely responsible. This means that if you don't do it, it doesn't get done. A key result area is an activity that is under your control. It is an output of your work that becomes an input or a contributing factor to the work of others.
Give Yourself A Grade
Once you have determined your key result areas, the second step is for you to grade yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each of those areas. Where are you strong and where are you weak? Where are you getting excellent results and where are you under performing?
Here's the rule: Your weakest key result area sets the height at which you can use all your other skills and abilities.
This rule says that you could be exceptional in six out of seven key result areas but really poor in the seventh. And your poor performance in the seventh area will hold you back and determine how much you achieve with all your other skills. This weakness will act as a drag on your effectiveness and be a constant source of friction and frustration.
Decide to Become Excellent
The fact is that everybody has both strengths and weaknesses. Refuse to rationalize, justify or defend your areas of weakness. Instead, identify them clearly. Set a goal and make a plan to become very good in each of those areas. Just think! You may be only one critical skill away from top performance at your job.
Here is one of the greatest questions you will ever ask and answer: "What one skill, if I developed and did it in an excellent fashion, would have the greatest positive impact on my career?"
You should use this question to guide your career for the rest of your life. Look into yourself for the answer. You usually know what it is.
Action Exercises
First, identify the key result areas of your work. What are they? Write down the key results you have to get to do your job in an excellent fashion. Give yourself a grade from 1-10 on each one. And then determine the one key skill that, if you did it in an excellent manner, would help you the most in your work.
Second, make a habit of doing this analysis regularly for the rest of your career. Never stop improving. This decision alone can change your life.
By: Brian Tracy
The Key Question for You to Ask
Why are you on the payroll? This is one of the most important questions you ever ask and answer, over and over again, throughout your career.
As it happens, most people are not sure exactly why they are on the payroll. But if you are not crystal clear about why it is that you are on the payroll and what results you have been hired to accomplish, it is very hard for you to perform at your best and get paid more and promoted faster.
Determine the Results Expected of You
In its simplest terms, you have been hired to get specific results. A wage or a salary is a payment for a specific quality and quantity of work that can be combined with the work of others to create a product or service that customers are willing to pay for.
Define Your Key Result Areas
Each job can be broken down into about five to seven key result areas, seldom more. These are the results that you absolutely, positively have to get to fulfill your responsibilities and make your maximum contribution to your organization. Your failure to perform in a critical result area of your work can lead to failure at your job. There is essential knowledge and skill that you must have for your job. These demands are constantly changing. There are core competencies that you have developed that make it possible for you to do your job in the first place. But there are always key results that are central to your work and which determine your success or failure in your job.
You Are Responsible
A key result area is defined as something for which you are completely responsible. This means that if you don't do it, it doesn't get done. A key result area is an activity that is under your control. It is an output of your work that becomes an input or a contributing factor to the work of others.
Give Yourself A Grade
Once you have determined your key result areas, the second step is for you to grade yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each of those areas. Where are you strong and where are you weak? Where are you getting excellent results and where are you under performing?
Here's the rule: Your weakest key result area sets the height at which you can use all your other skills and abilities.
This rule says that you could be exceptional in six out of seven key result areas but really poor in the seventh. And your poor performance in the seventh area will hold you back and determine how much you achieve with all your other skills. This weakness will act as a drag on your effectiveness and be a constant source of friction and frustration.
Decide to Become Excellent
The fact is that everybody has both strengths and weaknesses. Refuse to rationalize, justify or defend your areas of weakness. Instead, identify them clearly. Set a goal and make a plan to become very good in each of those areas. Just think! You may be only one critical skill away from top performance at your job.
Here is one of the greatest questions you will ever ask and answer: "What one skill, if I developed and did it in an excellent fashion, would have the greatest positive impact on my career?"
You should use this question to guide your career for the rest of your life. Look into yourself for the answer. You usually know what it is.
Action Exercises
First, identify the key result areas of your work. What are they? Write down the key results you have to get to do your job in an excellent fashion. Give yourself a grade from 1-10 on each one. And then determine the one key skill that, if you did it in an excellent manner, would help you the most in your work.
Second, make a habit of doing this analysis regularly for the rest of your career. Never stop improving. This decision alone can change your life.
Monday, October 8, 2007
The Key to Charisma
The Key to Charisma
By: Brian Tracy
There is a close association between personal charisma and success in life. Probably 85 percent of your success and happiness will come from your relationships and interactions with others. The more positively others respond to you, the easier it will be for you to get the things you want.
The Law of Attraction
In essence, when we discuss charisma, we are talking about the law of attraction. This law has been stated in many different ways down through the centuries, but it basically says that you inevitably attract into your life the people and circumstances that harmonize with your dominant thoughts.
You Are A Living Magnet
In a sense, you are a living magnet, and you are constantly radiating thought waves, like a radio station radiates sound waves, that are picked up by other people. Your thoughts, intensified by your emotions, as radio waves are intensified by electric impulses, go out from you and are picked up by anyone who is tuned in to a similar wavelength. You then attract into your life people, ideas, opportunities, resources, circumstances and anything else that is consistent with your dominant frame of mind.
The law of attraction also explains how you can build up your levels of charisma so that you can have a greater and more positive impact on the people whose cooperation, support and affection you desire.
Perception is Everything
The critical thing to remember about charisma is that it is largely based on perception. It is based on what people think about you. It is not so much reality as it is what people perceive you to be. For example, one person can create charisma in another person by speaking in glowing terms about that person to a third party. If you believe that you are about to meet an outstanding and important person, that person will tend to have charisma for you.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
One of the most charismatic people in the world was Mother Teresa of Calcutta. In a physical sense, she was a quiet, elderly, frail woman in poor health, and she wore a modest nun's habit. She might have been ignored by a person passing her on the street, were it not for the tremendous charisma she developed and for the fact that her appearance was so well-known to so many people as a result.
How Would You Feel?
If someone told you that he was going to introduce you to a brilliant, self-made millionaire who was very quiet and unassuming about his success, you would almost naturally imbue that person with charisma, and in his presence, you would not act the same as you would if you had been told nothing at all. Charisma begins largely in the mind of the beholder.
Lasting charisma depends more upon the person you really are than upon just the things you do.
Continually look for ways to improve other's perceptions of you so that you can be more influential with them. Be a living magnet.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, be clear about the messages you are sending and the perceptions you are creating in others. Are these perceptions consistent with the impressions you want to make?
Second, see yourself and imagine yourself every day as an important powerful and charming person. Treat others as you would if you were already strong, famous and influential.
Fake it until you make it!
By: Brian Tracy
There is a close association between personal charisma and success in life. Probably 85 percent of your success and happiness will come from your relationships and interactions with others. The more positively others respond to you, the easier it will be for you to get the things you want.
The Law of Attraction
In essence, when we discuss charisma, we are talking about the law of attraction. This law has been stated in many different ways down through the centuries, but it basically says that you inevitably attract into your life the people and circumstances that harmonize with your dominant thoughts.
You Are A Living Magnet
In a sense, you are a living magnet, and you are constantly radiating thought waves, like a radio station radiates sound waves, that are picked up by other people. Your thoughts, intensified by your emotions, as radio waves are intensified by electric impulses, go out from you and are picked up by anyone who is tuned in to a similar wavelength. You then attract into your life people, ideas, opportunities, resources, circumstances and anything else that is consistent with your dominant frame of mind.
The law of attraction also explains how you can build up your levels of charisma so that you can have a greater and more positive impact on the people whose cooperation, support and affection you desire.
Perception is Everything
The critical thing to remember about charisma is that it is largely based on perception. It is based on what people think about you. It is not so much reality as it is what people perceive you to be. For example, one person can create charisma in another person by speaking in glowing terms about that person to a third party. If you believe that you are about to meet an outstanding and important person, that person will tend to have charisma for you.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
One of the most charismatic people in the world was Mother Teresa of Calcutta. In a physical sense, she was a quiet, elderly, frail woman in poor health, and she wore a modest nun's habit. She might have been ignored by a person passing her on the street, were it not for the tremendous charisma she developed and for the fact that her appearance was so well-known to so many people as a result.
How Would You Feel?
If someone told you that he was going to introduce you to a brilliant, self-made millionaire who was very quiet and unassuming about his success, you would almost naturally imbue that person with charisma, and in his presence, you would not act the same as you would if you had been told nothing at all. Charisma begins largely in the mind of the beholder.
Lasting charisma depends more upon the person you really are than upon just the things you do.
Continually look for ways to improve other's perceptions of you so that you can be more influential with them. Be a living magnet.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, be clear about the messages you are sending and the perceptions you are creating in others. Are these perceptions consistent with the impressions you want to make?
Second, see yourself and imagine yourself every day as an important powerful and charming person. Treat others as you would if you were already strong, famous and influential.
Fake it until you make it!
"5 master qualities of extraordinary achievers."
5 master qualities of extraordinary achievers.
- by Emmanuel SEGUI
You can be a master achiever by developing the same
qualities of those who seem to achieve more than others.
Here are 5 qualities you need to master in order to become
a successful person in your chosen field and in your life.
1. Achievers are creative.
Creativity is a fundamental quality of a visionary leader.
Creativity is also essential for problem-solving, conflict
resolution, crisis and change management.
As they are extensively goal and result oriented, achievers
need to come up with many solutions to reach their goals,
therefore they need to be more creative than others.
An effective method for you to be more creative in problem
resolution is:
first, sit down in a comfortable chair and think about all
the ways to resolve the problem, even if it may be absurd.
This is not the time to be critical, but the time to think
without any judgment. Come up with at least 20 solutions.
The first eight solutions will be obvious, the second eight
solutions will require some effort and therefore
creativity.
You will see that the last two solutions will be the hardest
to find, but the most creative. And they will surely be the
ones that you will stick to.
Second, act out in your head the movie of how you would
implement each solution. And third, be critical as far as
each solution is concerned. This is an effective way to
resolve problems used by effective leaders and managers.
2. Develop the Habit of Courage.
They have developed the habit of courage. Courage to wake up
earlier and go to bed later. They've developed self-
discipline. Self-discipline is astering yourself, your
actions, thinking and emotions. They know that in order to
become leaders for others, they need to become a leader for
themslves first.
It takes courage to have self-discipline but it is
learnable. They take action even if it is uncomfortable.
They go out of their comfort zone, and go for opportunities.
Talk about courage! An effective method to develop the habit
of courage is to see opportunities to grow and evolve in
every challenge you face. Face your fears and learn from
them. There is always a positive intention behind every fear
you feel.
3. Top People are Committed to contribute.
Finally, they take action. High achievers are result and
action-oriented. They are committed to action. As they make
precise plan for what they really want, they go for it and
are committed to reach the goal. An effective way for you to
be committed to action is to set goals. Work every day on
these plans and evaluate very week where you are.
4. Continuous Learning.
High achievers are lifelong learners who subscribe
to the process of continuous improvement. They view mistakes
as learning opportunities. "There is no failure, only
feedback" is always their motto. They know they need to
improve, take risks, make mistakes and view these mistakes
as opportunities to bounce back.
An effective way for you to develop this habit is to first,
read each day a book in your chosen field.
Second, listen to educational audiotapes in your car and go
to seminars given by experts in your field.
By doing that, you will be ahead of your competitors and you
will become more educated, therefore, you will earn more in
your life.
5. They are Responsible.
High achievers know that they are 100% responsible for
what's happening to them. They don't blame anybody else.
They look themselves in the mirror and say "You can do it,
it's only up to you dude!" You have the ability to respond
in every situation you find yourself. Your response is up to
you.
Creativity, courage, commitment, learning and responsibility
are at the heart of every great achievement.
Success is not always easy. People may be in your way. You
may face discouragement. Problems may appear. But by
learning how to be responsible, you will find solutions that
others won't think of. You will find the courage to
change your life and commit to excellence.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Develop a vision for your life and career will help
you be at peace, happy and get far more than you could ever
imagine.
sending postive energy your way!!!1
- by Emmanuel SEGUI
You can be a master achiever by developing the same
qualities of those who seem to achieve more than others.
Here are 5 qualities you need to master in order to become
a successful person in your chosen field and in your life.
1. Achievers are creative.
Creativity is a fundamental quality of a visionary leader.
Creativity is also essential for problem-solving, conflict
resolution, crisis and change management.
As they are extensively goal and result oriented, achievers
need to come up with many solutions to reach their goals,
therefore they need to be more creative than others.
An effective method for you to be more creative in problem
resolution is:
first, sit down in a comfortable chair and think about all
the ways to resolve the problem, even if it may be absurd.
This is not the time to be critical, but the time to think
without any judgment. Come up with at least 20 solutions.
The first eight solutions will be obvious, the second eight
solutions will require some effort and therefore
creativity.
You will see that the last two solutions will be the hardest
to find, but the most creative. And they will surely be the
ones that you will stick to.
Second, act out in your head the movie of how you would
implement each solution. And third, be critical as far as
each solution is concerned. This is an effective way to
resolve problems used by effective leaders and managers.
2. Develop the Habit of Courage.
They have developed the habit of courage. Courage to wake up
earlier and go to bed later. They've developed self-
discipline. Self-discipline is astering yourself, your
actions, thinking and emotions. They know that in order to
become leaders for others, they need to become a leader for
themslves first.
It takes courage to have self-discipline but it is
learnable. They take action even if it is uncomfortable.
They go out of their comfort zone, and go for opportunities.
Talk about courage! An effective method to develop the habit
of courage is to see opportunities to grow and evolve in
every challenge you face. Face your fears and learn from
them. There is always a positive intention behind every fear
you feel.
3. Top People are Committed to contribute.
Finally, they take action. High achievers are result and
action-oriented. They are committed to action. As they make
precise plan for what they really want, they go for it and
are committed to reach the goal. An effective way for you to
be committed to action is to set goals. Work every day on
these plans and evaluate very week where you are.
4. Continuous Learning.
High achievers are lifelong learners who subscribe
to the process of continuous improvement. They view mistakes
as learning opportunities. "There is no failure, only
feedback" is always their motto. They know they need to
improve, take risks, make mistakes and view these mistakes
as opportunities to bounce back.
An effective way for you to develop this habit is to first,
read each day a book in your chosen field.
Second, listen to educational audiotapes in your car and go
to seminars given by experts in your field.
By doing that, you will be ahead of your competitors and you
will become more educated, therefore, you will earn more in
your life.
5. They are Responsible.
High achievers know that they are 100% responsible for
what's happening to them. They don't blame anybody else.
They look themselves in the mirror and say "You can do it,
it's only up to you dude!" You have the ability to respond
in every situation you find yourself. Your response is up to
you.
Creativity, courage, commitment, learning and responsibility
are at the heart of every great achievement.
Success is not always easy. People may be in your way. You
may face discouragement. Problems may appear. But by
learning how to be responsible, you will find solutions that
others won't think of. You will find the courage to
change your life and commit to excellence.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Develop a vision for your life and career will help
you be at peace, happy and get far more than you could ever
imagine.
sending postive energy your way!!!1
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
