Affairs, Infidelity, Cheating and Moving Past the Broken Trust

Affairs, Infidelity, Cheating and Moving Past the Broken Trust



Affairs are not one night stands. Cheating can be a one night stand, a short lived infraction, or a habit. In either case, cheating or affair, the result is a show of disrespect for one's partner. Infidelity can occur for many reasons. Boredom, unfulfilled psyche issues, addiction, revenge, emotional insecurity ( immaturity ), and poor judgment during times of inhibition, to name a few. Affairs usually begin with emotional bonding, then proceed to physical intimacy. Affairs of the heart usually start as friendships, progress to emotionally connected, then develop a chemistry. Somewhere between friendship and emotionally connected, something dangerous occurs and the individuals develop a common bond. It can be a common bond of dissatisfaction at home or with their significant other. The individuals involved somehow find a common thread in which they can share discussions, listening, problem solving. In most cases, when the individuals are of the opposite sex, and involved with other people, this starts a recipe for an affair. As the friendship bond progresses and strengthens, a potential progression of this bonding brings with it the danger of progressing physical intimacy. If either of the individuals involved are experiencing home based relationship issues which are causing dissatisfaction, then the risk of affair is higher.

The damage of an affair?

The most damaging part of an affair is that which is experienced by the person that was victimized by the cheating. If your are a spouse or significant other that has been on the receiving end of infidelity, then the most damaging part of this situation is the lack of self trust. Most persons are able to come to grips with the infraction, however, resolving the potential of possible future infractions is where most people have damaging psychological effects. The internal conflict that arises is "How can a person, the victim, that has shown poor character analysis, trust themselves not to engage in another future relationship that will end the same way?" This lack of self trust often plays itself out in "control" issues, especially in first relationship that occurs immediately following a failed relationship.

Can couples recover from an affair?

First the question of why the person cheated needs to be answered? If the cheating is part of a sexual addiction, recovery is difficult. People also need to recognize the health dangers of this behavior. Some couples are known to have agreements that condone multiple sexual partners. This raises the question about why they are a committed couple in the first place. Some couples proceed through life "trolling" while others like to "chum" for sharks. In either case these behaviors not only carry a health risk, but they also carry the risk of a chemical bond being created with another person. Studies on brain chemistry and hormonal responses support the notion that the early courtship period, years 1-3, are bolstered with the ignition of heated biochemical reactions. These reactions, much like the brain's response to chocolate, create a biochemical glue that supports a couple's early years. After several years, the relationship needs more than just chemistry to survive. If no mutual respect has developed, or the relationship doesn't have any other dimensions, the relationship will most likely fail. Without a strong respect and common ground, then no "glue" exists, except common history, to hold the relationship together while work is done to repair it. And be assured this repair takes focus and hard work. However, if a person has an addiction to the biochemical reactions, then it is a good bet that further acts of cheating will follow. Recovering a relationship from infidelity, or simply recovering from being victimized by a cheater takes time. If a couple decides to repair their relationship then the single most important thing to focus on is a persons actions. If a person has been cheated on, and they are willing to move past it and repair the relationship, then the real test of a person is their credibility. Credibility never developed out of talking. It only develops out of actions that support one's verbal intentions. If the cheater is unable to overcompensate for a period of time, by being overly accountable for their actions, then the credibility that is necessary to repair the broken trust will not develop. Without this trust, no respect develops, and the "glue" necessary fails to lend itself to the repair of the relationship.