WOMEN FOR WOMEN

WHY TRUE INTIMACY TAKES GUTS AND GOOD SEX NEEDS GOOD COMMUNICATION

2007-11-16T00:54:00.001-05:00

WHY TRUE INTIMACY TAKES GUTS AND GOOD SEX NEEDS GOOD COMMUNICATION

By Dr Janet Hall

"What's wrong with me Dr Jan?" Why am I so anxious now that I have the man of my dreams? I feel like an idiot. Two years ago I was in here complaining that I was desperate because I couldn't meet anyone. Now I have been in the relationship seven months and yet I seem to be looking for an escape clause. It just doesn't make sense!"

Jenny certainly was agitated and I could understand why. She had first consulted with me two years before, because she was unhappy with single life and complained bitterly about how difficult it was for her to meet a partner. She became so confused about her inability to find her ideal relationship with a man, that she decided she may even be gay and she should pursue that scene to find out if she was really meant to be with a woman.

Jenny had joined a gay social group and even dated and had sex with several women over a year, but decided that she wasn't gay after all and it wasn't fair of her to lead someone on. (After all, she had experienced that herself in several relationships with men in the past, so she didn't want to perpetuate the pattern).

Back on the heterosexual market, Jenny was amazed to find that she met Mr Ideal when she least expected it! She went to a girlfriend's party one night as a last resort because she had nothing to do. The friend had just moved into a new neighborhood and had invited her new neighbours to the party as insurance against them complaining about the party noise.

To Jenny's amazement, she found herself hitting it off with Craig, from next door.
To her even greater amazement, she found herself going home with Craig and having the best sex ever! She didn't even feel guilty because she had had sex on her first night!

Craig and Jenny had been dating ever since, and he wanted to move in together now but Jenny had cold feet.

Jenny explained that Craig seemed really ideal in every way. He was a good listener and was putting up with the bad moods which Jenny was well known for. What had stopped working for Jenny was the sex.
She described it like this. "At first we couldn't keep our hands off each other and everything he did turned me on. But gradually I started to get bored with his routine techniques. He never took his time to make sure that I was feeling satisfied but seemed to take it for granted that if I didn't complain, it had been good for me too. Well it often wasn't!"

Jenny continued "After a few minutes of foreplay, he would assume the missionary position and get himself off. I asked him to consider oral sex because I know from being with women in the past, that oral sex is the best and quickest way for me to orgasm.
So he agreed that he would give me oral and went down for a good two minutes and hasn't done it since!"

Jenny's story is very common. Don't think I am having a go at men who are bad lovers though, as the story could just as well have been in reverse roles. Many men complain that their women would have sex swinging from the chandelier when they first got together, but now couldn't seem to care less if they never had sex again.

So what happens to make a couple who seem to initially have so much going for them, to lose their spark? I believe that the answer is in two parts -a left-brain or logical part and a right-brain or emotional part.

1. The left-brain reason for couples who lose the lust.
The biggest reason for couples losing their initial hots for each other is ignorance about their sexual needs. Typically, the man keeps up his initial speed -horny and hard and fast.
He forgets that women usually need a lot more physical stimulation and certainly needs to feel an emotional and often intellectual connection. The woman doesn't know how to communicate with him about what's happening and usually waits until she is so frustrated that she tells him when she's angry. He feels that his ego is under attack and withdraws his penis and his desire and the result is no sex-life at all.

2. The right-brain reason for couples who lose their lust.
This reason is typically only true for one member of the couple, but it sure is enough to stifle the good sex. The irony is, that with someone like Jenny, the perpetrator is not even aware that they are causing the problem, because it is an unconscious emotion.
What is it? It's the commitment phobia bug.

Jenny had always been able to have good sex when she started a relationship -be it heterosexual or bisexual. It was only when she began to truly plan a life with Craig that she began to turn off him.
Of course she made this easier for herself by blaming it on his lack of consideration for her needs during sex. Indeed, Craig needed some sexual coaching, but he was willing and able when she asked nicely and repeatedly. He just needed her to be patient, persistent and give him lots of praise for his best attempts.
Because Jenny "spat the dummy" about sex, Craig felt ripped off and didn't know how to meet her needs. All he knew was that she wasn't happy with him, yet she said that he was the best guy she had ever known in every other area.

So what does all this mean for people who want good sex to continue?
Be prepared to learn about male/female sexual needs and preferences and study the fine art of pleasing your partner before you please yourself.

For men, this means truly accepting that women do not usually get off on the "big bang".
In fact, probably only about 33% of women can orgasm with intercourse alone, and that means that most need direct stimulation of their clitoris and g-spot with tongue and fingers (and maybe vibrator, lubricant, feather….your imagination is your limitation here).

For women, it means learning that men love quickies and need to be gently encouraged to take their time if you want them to make sex last. Give them heaps of praise and shower them with compliments about their technical expertise as a lover. Give them lots of little noises of pleasure during sex too, so they know they are doing it right for you.

For everyone, it means learning that sex is very important in a relationship, but that real intimacy in a committed relationship takes time, honest and regular communication and will always have its ups and downs, so needs realistic understanding.
We are all different, regarding our sexual preferences, and a truly intimate relationship requires guts and good sex needs good communication!

Taking the Risk to Love Again

2007-11-16T00:52:00.000-05:00

Taking the Risk to Love Again

© February, 2002
By: Ruth Bridgewood
Relationship Coach

Fans of the pop duo Savage Garden may remember some of the words from the hit song "Affirmations" – "I believe you can’t appreciate real love till you’ve been burnt".

Haven’t we all been "burnt" by love at one time or another? At the time, it can feel like the worst thing that has ever happened to us. The feelings of loss, rejection or loneliness can be very difficult to cope with and we feel like we’re the only one who has ever felt this way. I think it can be a great help if we remember that most people in the world have experienced this feeling at some time in their lives (some more often than others!). Unfortunately, many put up emotional walls around themselves in the belief that by denying themselves love and a fulfilling relationship; they will never have to go through that pain again. But by doing so they are also denying themselves the joy and fulfilment that only comes from truly connecting with another person on an intimate level.

A person I met recently hasn’t had a relationship for over 10 years. When I spoke to mutual friends, they say she was hurt so badly from a relationship many years ago that she refuses to go out and meet people. Her life is now so lacking in interest and excitement that she has actually said that she will kill herself if things don’t improve by the time she is 50. Unfortunately she doesn’t realise that she is the only person who can change her life for the better. She needs to get out of her comfort zone and take some risks before anything is likely to improve.

People, who are successful in life, whether in business, relationships, sport etc., are those who have been prepared to take a risk. It is the same with taking the risk to let down those walls and let love in again. There are no guarantees in life – there’s always a chance that the relationship won’t work and you may be hurt again, but there is a saying "That, which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger". Any adversity or painful experience gives us strength, because once we realise that we can handle it (after all, it didn’t kill you) we can learn from the experience and go on to make positive changes. When we do get back on our feet (financially, romantically, in health or whatever), we have more appreciation of life and love and all the wonderful things in the world.

There are also a number of things you can do, or things to you need to remember, to ease the pain of a broken relationship and to break down those walls:

Don’t look at a relationship that didn’t work out as a failure. Often it’s an imagined "failure" that fuels you to the success you’ve always dreamed of. .
Don’t dwell on the past – look toward your future. As Anthony Robbins said "Your past does not equal your future. Sometimes after a separation, we find ourselves dwelling on the past; our thoughts consumed with that other person. You will begin to heal when you start thinking and writing about what you want for your life".
Understand and acknowledge your part in the break up. It is easy to place all the blame on your "ex", but until you take responsibility for at least some part of the break up, you are unlikely to have fulfilling relationships in the future
Barbara De Angelis PHD, a US relationship expert, says "The emotions that you feel and express, you can heal. You can’t heal feelings that you stuff inside you. We need to actually go back in there, say the things we never said, cry the tears we never cried, get angry about the things we never got angry about, so that we don’t need to protect ourselves with those walls any more". So, have a good cry, rant and rave, punch the pillows and get it all out of you!
Read books, hire a coach or therapist, go to workshops and seminars, find articles on the internet that teach you about letting go of the past and be sure to apply the lessons.

It does take courage to take the risk to love again, but remember "Great love requires great courage". When you love deeply, with courage and commitment, your relationships and life will be filled with joy and happiness.

Why men delay marriage. And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.

2007-11-16T00:00:00.001-05:00

Why men delay marriage.
And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.

It’s true, today more than ever men are in no hurry to commit to long term relationships with women. And while some women continue to seek ways to get men to commit to them, others are simply fed up and are no longer trying. These women have taken the stand, “it’s a man’s issue, let them deal with it, and we as women have to get on with our lives with or without men.”

Many women are convinced it’s just a man’s thing to experiment with different sexual partners until well into their thirties before settling down in a committed relationship; but it’s more complicated than that. And if women were to pay close attention to what men say and do, they may understand how wrong some of their assumptions about men are. For example, although men like to sow their wild oats, they soon grow tired and long to settle down with a single partner.

In 2002 a Psychological Studies report put out by the University of Southern California showed 99% of college men and women said they wanted to have a committed relationship in the future. Most of the men however said they would like to put off commitment typically for a period of five years. This variation from tradition is typical among young men of all walks of life today. In times past men began to consider marriage soon after graduating from college, trade schools or apprenticeships and were gainfully employed.

So what social change has brought about this new behavior in men? Why are men not anxious to rush out and find the woman of their dreams so they can get married and settle down? The short answer is because they don’t have to. When asked, men gave several reasons why they were not ready for a committed relationship. But I believe there are four factors which significantly influence modern men’s attitude toward commitment.

1.Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them. Why: Simply because men can get sex (the number one reason why men married in the past) from a number of readily available sources, in many cases with no strings attached.

2.Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. The emotional suffering caused by a break up could be devastating to men, but they express more concern for the risk of financial losses they may suffer if and when confronted with divorce proceedings.

3.It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. And although men have always been aware of the changes that marriage brings, they accepted them as part of the territory; “when a man marries his troubles begin.” But whether or not today’s men are aware of this old saying, one thing is certain. They are not ready to be plucked from their comfort zones and thrown into a life of responsibility, compromise and sacrifice. And by their own admissions this is the life they believe awaits them whenever they decide to take what they consider the final plunge.

4.Before they take that final plunge however they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice. As one man puts it “Imagine how I would feel if someone better comes along and I’m already in a committed relationship?”

How to get your man to happily commit to you

Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you. When given a choice most people do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest. A man will not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced he will get what he wants now, with reasonable expectations he will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want.

So finding the way to a man’s heart might be easier than you think. A word of caution though; this does not relate to women who are fully aware that their chances of getting their man to commit are slim to none, such as:

1. Women who remained too long in relationships with men who do not have and never had any intentions to commit to them.
2. Relationships of convenience where the woman feels trapped, but is afraid to bring up the subject of commitment for fear of loosing the man forever.
3. The woman who gets the feeling the man is ready to commit possibly with someone else, but not to her.

These suggestions refer to relationships where men want to commit but are genuinely fearful. Pay little attention to the previously well-publicized strategies that promise to motivate your man to commit to you; they do not work and men are weary of them. Anyway, if you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is ready. And sometimes the way he perceives you can give him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind.

Nine ways to win your man’s heart so he will want to commit to you

1.Be reasonably certain he is the kind of man with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life.

The thought of commitment should not enter your mind unless you are convinced he is the one for you. You have to know him well enough to determine: He is able to commit; He possesses many of the qualities you’ve always looked for in a man; you can’t help but to respect and admire him; He has already passed your test for honesty, integrity and consideration for others, and you must be reasonably certain he is falling in love with you.

2.Always be who you are. And don’t be afraid to express yourself the way you’re accustomed to.

This is probably the most important quality men look for in a woman. Ninety-nine percent of men in numerous surveys said so, and women whose character changed after marriage ranked number one on the list of causes for marriage break ups. Resist the urge to try to make a man feel important by conforming and not voicing your true opinions or laughing at his jokes when they are not funny. If for no other reason, consider the possibility he may be testing you

3.Show him you’re independent.

Men are weary of women who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. Let him know although you welcome his input in many ways, you are perfectly capable of doing things without him; in fact sometimes you prefer to do things on your own. For example you may want to see a certain movie, but he’s too busy to go with you. Instead of sulking, cheerfully tell him you’ll go by yourself, and do it.

Until he commits to you, do not make major changes in your life with a view of accommodating him. If you had plans to purchase your new condominium go ahead as if he was not in the picture. It may seem wise to hold off on your plans pending a commitment from him. Don’t, he may get the impression you’re not as independent as he thought. If you mention your plans to him do so only for the purpose of information and not as a means of forcing him to make a decision to commit to you. The purpose here is to genuinely show him that your life goes on with or without him.

4.Show him you are a kind and loving person.

As surprising as it may seem, a man needs someone who loves him and whom he could love in return. This may seem obvious to many, but the more women are becoming empowered by their independence the more intolerant they are becoming with men who are slow to adapt. Men see these women as insensitive and most likely incapable of love. So in her own way a woman needs to show a man that although she is capable of going it alone, she has a burning desire to share love with the man in her life.

5.Show him you’re interested in him for who he is and not what he can do for you.

I’ve asked men what would be the one thing they would like to know most about a woman before they marry her. Overwhelmingly men said “to be certain that the woman loved them for themselves and not as a means to an end. This is understandable. No man likes to feel that a woman chose him because he is a good provider, a model citizen or a potentially good father; all of these things are also important to men. But a man is happier when he knows that his woman chooses him because he is her best friend; someone she would want by her side no matter what his situation may be. So how do you let him know you want him primarily for the person he is?

Show interest in his life, his likes and dislikes and his values. Talk about his career, but pay more attention of how personally rewarding it is for him instead of how economically lucrative it may be. Tell him what attracted you to him in the first place, e.g. “There was something about the way you smile”

6.Do not play games to get him to pursue you.

Men are fully aware of the games some women play to get their attention. They may even be intrigued by the challenge and do whatever it takes to win you but may never commit to you. Flirting with other guys to make him jealous or manipulating him so that he chases after you may seem to work for a while. But how could he trust you if he thinks you’re a manipulator. Even if he is fascinated by you, a man would be afraid to commit to a woman if he has the slightest doubt about her trustworthiness.

7.Let him know you have no intention of changing him

If a man feels committing to a woman will drastically change his lifestyle he will aggressively resist commitment even when he thinks he loves her. You don’t have to fit in every part of his life so even if there are some areas of incompatibility let him understand that you can compromise. Let him know you have no objection to him spending a night watching football with his friends instead of being with you. Don’t make him feel that he has to make the best of his time now because his life would change (of course for the better) once you become a couple.

8.Always maintain your femininity with special emphasis on physical appearance.

Men like women who can fit in with their friends; women who they feel can be almost like one of the boys. So having a great sense of humor, socializing without getting bogged down with too much detail makes you extremely desirable, but be careful; Men also want women who are particular about their femininity which includes being kind, loving, gentle and always conscious of their physical appearance. So being one of the boys should not be confused with looking like them. And even though it may seem like men are not overly concerned with your looks, never let your guard down.

Now we’re not talking catwalk model material here, but we expect you to look as if you’ve taken time with your appearance. This means using clothing that bring out your best qualities, maintain proper posture, (your mother was right) tastefully manicured hands and feet and regular use of mouthwash especially if you smoke or drink beer.

9. Don’t rush or appear to rush the relationship.

You may think he is taking too long to make up his mind about you. Relax! This may be a good thing; maybe he wants to be certain he’s making a sound decision.

Don’t give him the impression you’re impatient, cheerfully carry on with your normal routine. Don’t suggest he takes you to meet his parents or invite him to meet yours, unless he asks, it’s better to let him make such decisions on his own. Remember your goal is to provide him with the information he needs to make up his mind and at the same time give him all the space he requires while doing so. And if you believe he’s truly the man for you and followed the suggestions outlined in this article, you would not have to wait very long.

Why men delay marriage. And what you can do to guide your man to happily commit to you.

2007-11-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

How To Stop jealousy in Your Relationship or Marriage...

2007-11-15T23:57:00.000-05:00

How To Stop jealousy in Your Relationship or Marriage...

Hi all

So let's get started with today's lesson...

One thing that we've discovered in helping people like you with
jealousy issues in their lives is that it takes two to create this
situation and both people have to take responsibility for having
jealousy as an issue in the relationship.

It's been our experience that both people need to make
the commitment to heal the issue in order for the relationship to
become all it can be.

We know what you're saying right now...

"I know it's a problem but it's his/her problem--not mine."

While it is true that you are not the jealous one, it is a problem
in your life and you probably want it to change or you wouldn't be
reading these messages. Even though you aren't the jealous one, you
have to take responsibility and make the commitment to healing it in
your life.

After working with hundreds of individuals and couples to help them
overcome jealousy, we can absolutely tell you one thing about
overcoming jealousy...

Without taking responsibility for having the issue and making the
commitment to healing it, your partner's jealousy will never go away.
It will just continue to hurt like pouring salt into an open wound
until you make the decision to once and for all do something about it.

Today's "assignment" is to write down how you can take
responsibility for helping to create this situation.

In your "bird's eye view" exploration and looking at your
feelings and actions, did you see anything that you could do
differently when your partner
becomes jealous?

This certainly is not to "blame" you for the jealousy but to simply
begin looking at how you can begin to make changes that will help
heal your relationship.

In the coming lessons, we'll be giving you specific ways to make
changes in your relationship but for now, decide to take your share
of the responsibility for your relationship.

Again, thanks for requesting these sample lessons on overcoming
jealousy and know that by choosing to go through this material, you
have taken a big step toward making positive changes in your life!

Blessings,

Susie and Otto Collins

Let Go of What Let Go of What's Holding You Back

2007-11-09T03:01:00.000-05:00

Let Go of What Let Go of What's Holding You Back

It was wonderful meeting so many of you on The Energy Bus National Tour this summer. Thank you to all those who came to our events. You made every mile worthwhile.

I have to say, it was a long journey. 30 cites and thousands of miles. Much harder than I thought it would be, but more rewarding too!

At one point on the journey I looked in the rearview mirror and realized I had all this stuff on my bus that I didn't need. Why did I travel with all these bags of useless stuff for so long, I wondered?

I believe every one of us can say the same about our life journey. We hold on to bags that only weigh us down. We simply carry too many bags around with us. For some it’s the bags of "the past” or the bags of disappointment. For others it’s bags of distrust, fear, burden and pain.

The truth is that every one of us has at least one bag that holds us back from greater success, joy, love and prosperity. It holds us back, slows us down, and drains our positive energy—keeping us from the success and life we desire.

You know which bags I'm talking about. I don’t have to tell you what they are. They affect your work, your life and your relationships. Just as I looked in the rearview mirror of my bus and knew which bags needed to go, you can look in the rear view mirror of your life and know which bags need to be left behind.

Then you can do what I did. I didn’t want to drive heavy. I wanted to travel light. So I let the bags off the bus. You can do the same.

As author Max Lucado says, in his amazing book “Traveling Light” you can release the burdens you were never meant to carry.

I remember the moment I let the bags off my bus. I was somewhere past Phoenix driving through the dessert. I found a big trash can and put the bags where they belonged. I got back in the bus with the past behind me and a road full of daylight ahead. A big smile came upon my face. I was now free to enjoy the ride.

I hope you'll do the same.

Share this newsletter with a co-worker or friend and encourage them to let go of what is holding them back.

Sending Positive Energy Your Way!

How to Get Help From Your Intuition

2007-11-09T02:34:00.000-05:00

How to Get Help from Your Intuition

So just how do you get your intuition to help you when you need it
the most?

How do you get your intuition to help you make the right decision,
find something that is missing, get a new job, meet the right
partner, start the right business, make the right investment, buy
the right house, or help you create the life you want?

Your intuition can help you achieve anything you want - anything.

Here are a few simple steps that you can follow.

First decide what it is you want, be very clear and specific and
set a time frame.

In our case - we wanted to make a decision about our car - yes you
can ask for help making a decision.

Next - tell yourself that you have what you want right now. In the
case of making a decision - tell yourself that you have made the
right decisions.

Picture it, see it in your hand, or see it in your life, or see the
event unfold as you want and tell yourself that you have what you
want right now.

With our car we were very specific and clear and outlined all of
the options.

Finally, let go and trust that you will have what you want at the
right time or you will get something better.

We let go when we accepted that we may keep the car or sell it and
get a new one.

You let go when you accept that your happiness is not dependant on
the outcome of a particular event, or having something that you
feel you really need.

Understand that your intuition is at work for you all the time and
if you don't get what you want; your intuition will provide you
with something even better.

I know that may be hard to believe - but when you accept it you
will discover just how caring and powerful your intuition really is.

When you follow the steps I just outlined your intuition will help
you get what you want and more.

You can make the right decisions.
You can find something that is missing.
You can get what you want when you work with your intuition.

How Intuition Works

2007-11-09T02:27:00.000-05:00

How Intuition Works

Your intuition is always working for you; all you have to do is ask
it for something and then be ready to receive the answer.

The latter part - receiving the answer is where most people get
confused, give up or misunderstand the message.

To receive the answer you have to open to any and all possibilities
and this means that you may not get the answer you're looking for
and that it will only come to you when you are truly ready.

Here's a simple example.

Recently my wife and I had been thinking of getting a new car. We
really didn't need one but just thought it was time for a change.

My wife really likes her car but also thought it was time for a
change especially since it had been giving us some mechanical
problems which had the potential of getting worse and costing more
money.
We searched and searched and finally narrowed it down to one car.
But then I spoke to somebody who knew a little bit about cars and
suggested that simply fixing the car would be a better idea, after
all it was reliable and would probably go another 100-thousand
miles.

My wife and I discussed it and we still weren't sure. Then we went
on vacation and my wife loaned her sister and her family the car.
They loved it and suggested that we hang on to it and not get rid
of it. This was the second person to make the same suggestion.

Then finally we spoke to another friend who knew a lot about cars
and he suggested we fix it and keep it.

We had asked a question - whether to keep the car or get a new one.
We got the message from 3 different sources and decided to keep the
car - which is running just fine.

This is a small example but it shows that Intuition works in many
ways.

It can come as a feeling, it can come from a friend, it can come
from a letter, a message, and advertisement, a news article, or any
other form.

But you will only get guidance from your intuition when you ask for
what you want, believe that you have what you want, and trust that
what you want will manifest or that you will get something even
better.

That's how we made the decision to keep the car - we were open to
all possibilities including fixing it or getting a new one.

Your intuition will always help you.
Ask and you will receive.
With help from your intuition you will get what you want or better
You too can start working with your powerful intuition.

Friendship advice: keeping the relationship alive

2007-10-29T00:32:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had an argument that destroyed a friendship, and then wished you'd known how to avoid it? Here is friendship advice on how you can easily avoid that situation again.
Here are some easy rules or suggestions to remember that might help avoid an argument between friends.

1) Make sure both sides of the dispute get equally heard. Too many times, one person does all of the talking. No matter how tempted you are to start talking, always be ready to listen as well, and not just half-heartedly. Understand what your friend says, just as you expect them to do when it’s your turn to talk.

2) Don't insist on having the last word or the first, all of the time. People very often become defensive and uncooperative when they feel that their words are being overrun by self-imposition of another’s. If you initiate the conversation, don’t be the one to finish it too. Cooperate with your friend and they will be more willing to cooperate with you.

3) Next, the dreaded subject of the honest opinion. First off, don't waste time trying to be nice about something that you don’t really believe to be true. Sooner or later, false words are going to come back to bite you and they often destroy bridges. So, don’t shy away from giving your honest opinion when it's asked for. But, just remember that while criticism is a good growing aid, it’s never helpful to be too critical. You should be honest, but never nasty. If you can't stand a single thing about the person, then admit that you can't be friends. However, for the sake of common courtesy, tell the other person without being rude or mean. Being complimentary and kind are favored as long as you're honest.

4) This next rule is not favored much. But nevertheless, don't insist that your opinion is the foremost and the only one. Pushy people aren't popular. On the other hand, don't be overly passive either. Make sure your friends know exactly where you stand on the issue at hand and then leave it at that. Don't force, but don't give in to any pressure to conform if the issue is something you feel strongly about.

5) Be helpful. Learn moderation. Help out when your friends need it, not just when it's convenient for you.

6) Compromise. Learn to bend at times. Be flexible. If you are able to try different things while keeping an open mind, you’ll find yourselves a lot happier with your friendship and with yourself.

7) Be understanding. Don't laugh at troubles your friend may be having and don’t get mad at them. Instead, offer them a shoulder to lean on; even if the trouble involves you. Learn to understand one another.

In conclusion, it's safe to say that people will want a friend who at least

tries to be all of the above. If you follow these few simple suggestions, you might have a friend for life.

marriage

2007-10-29T00:21:00.000-04:00

Marriage is built on the foundation of love, trust and commitment. A union in which two people are joined to enjoy a life-long love that endures many tests. Many people will walk into a marriage blindly with false expectations thinking that the honeymoon will never end. The true test of a marriage is having the ability and the willingness to overcome difficulties and grow from past mistakes. However, it becomes challenging when issues continually arise and compromise is almost impossible. The truth is many allow love and romance to be the determining factor for a marriage. True, you must have both for the marriage to work. But soon the newness ends and reality presents itself, and an important question arises. Are you and your partner compatible?

Compatibility is vital, yet it is something that many relationships lack. In a marriage you must know your own needs, plus the needs of your mate. If one is not satified a strain will be felt in the marriage. It is impossible to like everything your mate does, however too many different interests and tastes will weaken the bond. Those contemplating marriage need to have a two-way communication. Important matters such as whom will handle the money, where the couple will live, and what type of discipline will be used for children should be discussed prior to marriage. Couples have a tendency to wait until after marriage to talk about these matters and find themselves disagreeing.

The person you marry should be your best friend. This is the individual who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage partners should know each other inside and out: their wants, needs, interest, goals, fears, and desires. Couples that rush into marriage and do not value the friendship aspect may find themselves consulting with others about their confidential marriage issues. This lack of friendship may also lead to infidelity. Not being able or feeling uncomfortable with finding comfort in your partner will end in seeking comfort elsewhere.

Friendships that evolve into relationships are lasting. The individuals have already established a bond and have come to know each other. This is good because we tend to show our friends our true self quicker than we would someone pursuing us. Our friends see our weaknesses and faults, as well as our strengths and virtues. Friends know our background and the reason we may behave a certain way.

Compatibility will never be perfect. We are all imperfect and have faults. Some of these faults we see early and others not until later. The couple that is truly compatible and have developed a friendship will deal with problems accordingly. The love must be strong enough to endure and the good must outweigh the bad. This results in a strong, solid marriage foundation.

Marriage and partner’s behaviour:

2007-10-23T04:10:00.000-04:00

Marriage and partner’s behaviour:

Each person has own character and quality, the individuality identifies when reflected through communication and practice. Major characters which effect married life are Negative/ Positive, Introverted/ extroverted and strong/ weak, these characters control us. In some negative dominates and in some positive dominates, and what dominates reveals through reaction. As I observed, there is almost no house where wife says my husband is perfect also the opinion of husband is same for his wife. So one has to agree as no one is perfect, need an endeavour to work for the objective of marriage. Strength of marriage lies on how you understand and react to the partner’s behaviour. If both partners understand each other, react in accordance would avoid clashes and violence. In each house there is opinion differences; to manage is the quality of both partners:
To extinguish fire, water or other cool substance is the solution. To be cool when find possibility of arguments and settle the mater in right environment. Arguments become clash and then differences in the partnership only accelerates distasteful married life, is one of the reasons of infidelity.
Many couples do not like each other’s odour rather can not stand, in such cases during sleep any important discussion may result to arguments. Because is already irritated by the distaste of odour to give positive response.
Many small-pity incidences like he/she does not dress well, very slow, does not clean well, does not smile, talk too much or too serious and etc, etc, together form a big consolidated issue, when minded and stored in self stimulates dislike towards partner.
In many houses, beginning of arguments cursing each other for not doing this or done that, is normally stimulated by development of dislike of prior incidences. In such families dominant person’s ego of being efficient and intelligent pursues partner to act accordingly. Such characters are too extroverted and negative which prevents them calculating others mind. They have a feeling what they think is right. No one is same and each one has intelligence but in different forms, one is good at kitchen and other in arranging. Avoiding comparison softens relation.
Women are more emotional than men. Women use heart to think and Men use brain. So women need emotional touch up, attention and presence recognized.

4 Major Reasons Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by Paul Jones

2007-10-23T04:04:00.000-04:00

4 Major Reasons Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by Paul Jones

No one gets married expecting to get divorced. Why bother in the first place? We are filled with hope when we say "I Do" to that other person. But the cold reality is that, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high and is rising every day.

Many people think they have to watch out for the infamous seven-year itch that comes about after seven years of marriage. Today, couples need to watch out for the two-year itch. Dissatisfaction in marriages happens earlier and earlier as people become more disillusioned with their dreams when they don't become reality as quickly as they think it should. And now, a divorce is easier to get than a driver's license.

Think it's a travesty? Maybe it is. But it's reality. So why do marriages fail? While the answers to that question are many, there is a growing body of research to suggest there are four negative risk factors that create barriers to oneness in marriage and increase a couple's chances for marital failure.

The First, negative behavior patterns can have a hugely negative impact on a marriage. This occurs when partners respond negatively to each other continually upping the ante so the conversation gets more and more hostile.

When a conversation escalates into an argument, this creates tension that can eat away at a marriage. Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight.

Frequently there are threats to end the relationship. Over time those angry words damage oneness, and angry threats to leave begin to seem like prophecy. Once negative comments are made, they are hard to take back and drive a knife into the partner's heart.

The second next negative factor that contributes to the erosion of marriage is invalidation. Invalidation is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings, or character of the other.

Invalidation can take many forms. Sometimes it can be caustic, in which one partner (or both) attacks the other person verbally. You can hear, and even feel, the contempt one partner has for another.

Sarcastic phrases like "Well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you" or "I forgot how lucky I am to be married to you" can cut like a knife. These are attacks on the person's character and personality that easily destroy a marriage. Research has found that invalidation is one of the best predictors of future problems and failure of a marriage.

Negative interpretations are the third risk factor toward a failing marriage. Negative interpretations occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case.

Such behavior can be a very destructive pattern in a relationship, and quickly erode intimacy and oneness in a marriage. A wife may believe that her husband does not like her parents. As a result, she may attack him anytime he is not overly enthusiastic about visiting them. He may be concerned with the financial cost of going home for Christmas or about whether he has enough vacation time. She, in turn, considers his behavior as disliking her parents.

When a relationship becomes more distressed, the negative interpretations mount and help create an environment of hopelessness. The attacked partner gives up trying to make himself or herself clear and becomes demoralized.

Finally, there is withdrawal and avoidance. These are two different manifestations of the problem wherein a partner is unwilling to get in or stay in a discussion that is too threatening.

Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as 'turning off' or 'shutting down' during an argument. The withdrawer often tends to get quiet during an argument, look away, or agree quickly to a partner's suggestion just to end the conversation, with no real intention of following through

Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to get into certain discussions, with more emphasis on the attempt to not let the conversation happen in the first place. A person prone to avoidance would prefer that the topic not come up and, if it does, may manifest the signs of withdrawal just described.

The research shows that couples that want a good marriage need to eliminate these risk factors from their marriage, or else the negative factors will overwhelm the positive aspects of the marriage. It is never too late to put your marriage back on track.

how to overcome jealousy in your relationship or marriage.

2007-10-23T03:44:00.000-04:00

how to overcome jealousy in your relationship or marriage.

This, and the other lessons to follow on overcoming jealousy,
are sample lessons and based on the information you'll find
in our best selling book and audio program called "No More
Jealousy."

In this lessons, we suggest that you begin focusing and
celebrating on what is "right" or good in your relationship
and ask your partner to do the same.

Begin focusing on what is working and what you want

Essentially, we're suggesting that you take some time and
intentionally find the good in yourself, in your partner
and in your relationship--and talk with each other about
what you discover.

This is important because very often people spend a lot of
time focusing on what's going wrong in their relationships
and not on what's "going right." They spend a lot of time
focusing on jealousy or any other challenge but not on the
love that is or once was between them.

In life and in your relationships, whatever you focus on, you
attract more of. We're suggesting that if you want more joy,
connection and love in your life--and to heal your jealousy--
that you spend more time focusing on these things than the
things you want less of or want to eliminate.

This is a simple, yet powerful message that most of us know
but forget. Everyone knows that when we have positive thoughts
and give positive feedback to those in our life, everybody
feels better.

But what do most of us do? We continue to dwell on negative
thoughts and give negative feedback to our loved ones.

Start today to bring more love into your life by appreciating
what is going right.

Many blessings to you,

Marital Depression & How to avoid it

2007-10-18T08:48:00.000-04:00

Marital Depression & How to avoid it

If you suffer depression, please find help at Love-Sessions

Weddings are considered the most special events that will take place in anyone’s life. As true as that is, it is also a fact that many people find themselves suffering from marital depression soon after the wedding and honeymoon takes place. Though this may be common, it is still something the majority of people cannot understand or are even aware of.

So what is marital depression and what are the responsible reasons behind it? Though marital depression can carry many different reasons behind, there is one common reason that almost every single person shares, and that reason is disorganization. This means that most people do not organize, as a couple, what will take place after the wedding and honeymoon pass through. Both men and women can suffer from marital depression, but it is more common in women, for the reason that women become more deeply involved in making their whole wedding experience “perfect”. From the beginning of their relationship, women have a tendency to start creating a fantasy world in their minds of how they would like their lives to be with their partners. It is a fantasy they plan out so detailed and carefully, that it actually becomes a subconscious reality to them, setting them for marital depression ahead.

When most people think of marriage, they mostly think about the type of wedding celebration they would like to have, and where they would like to experience their honeymoon. It usually stops here, which is why many disappointments come to surface later. Even though a couple may have invested many years together before deciding to take that big step into marriage, it still requires a lot of planning, teamwork and agreements on many things regarding how things will be handled once they get settled into their new marriage together. One fantasy you must get out of your head is that your marriage will be like one big romantic date where things will always run smoothly without any problems. The truth is, as wonderful as marriage really can be; it also carries its share of challenges and obstacles. The truth is, whether you want to hear it or not, your marriage will not be picture perfect all the time. There will be times you and your spouse will disagree and find yourselves facing a challenge you both feel can even be impossible to get through.
Marital Depression & How to avoid it (Part 2) for part 1 - click here

For relationship help at Love-Sessions

Your marriage may suffer from occasional problems, but it does not need to end in marital depression or unsolved conflicts. The key to maintaining a healthy yet realistic marriage is to use direct communication before and after your wedding takes place. Do not make the wedding ceremony and honeymoon the most important priority to you. Instead of focusing too much on the wedding and honeymoon, focus on preparing your marriage. Together with your partner, discuss what you will do once you come home from the honeymoon, and what patterns you plan to follow and what your expectations from marriage. This will avoid any misunderstandings or unpleasant surprises down the road. It is also essential to keep in mind, that maintaining the romance and sexual department is just as important as it was before you got married. Continue to go out on dates and plan special activities together, as well as being occasionally spontaneous.

Accepting that married life is not a fairytale book that takes its own perfect course will keep you from getting marital depression. Accept the fact that although you may be life partners, you are still individuals who will think and feel differently at times- and it does not mean that you are incompatible, just human beings with your own beliefs and personalities. Practicing is not a bad idea either. For instance, create a situation where you feel things are not going so great and where you feel things are not picture perfect- and where you and your partner are disagreeing. Once you have done that, come up with several methods on how you could handle such situations if they were to come to surface. By becoming familiar with conflicts ahead of time and practicing how you would handle them, you will prepare yourself with the knowledge and strength on accepting the realities of marriages, and how to deal with those realities when they come to you, so you can live a healthy and depression-free marriage together.

Top things man ' Hate ' about woman

2007-10-18T08:47:00.001-04:00

Top things man ' Hate ' about woman

Men always find women attractive and try their best to woo her. A woman always needs to be loved and taken care of. In today’s society women have taken up powerful corporate and social positions and are making headlines. Carly Fiorina of ex. HP CEO and Indra Nooyi of Pepsi are just two examples. A woman, no matter how powerful, always needs support from a man and vice versa. Men have always lent their shoulders for her to rest on. On the flip side, men have certain complaints about her and we are here to discuss that.

Imagine you are busy in an important meeting and the phone keeps on ringing, even though you disconnected it a couple of times. Certainly you would find it dislikable, and this is one point that men find annoying in a woman. Women sometimes fail to understand that her partner or husband have other work apart from answering her calls and tending to her constantly- it makes them seem too needy, which usually a big turn off for a man. Many men find it quite irritating when their partners shout at them because the shirt is not at the proper place or the trousers are lying on the ground, for example- because it comes off as a nagging attitude. A Man always wants his woman to take active interest in his work and indifference in that aspect definitely annoys him, because he feels she does not care if interest in not genuinely expressed.

These factors do not really cause a dent in a relationship necessarily, but definitely small ripples are created. A man and a woman should be careful of not invading into each other’s personal space too much. Men sometimes do not like the self centered attitude of women. Women are sometimes so worried about themselves that they forget there are other people around. Over possessiveness, jealously and undue interest in other men are certain traits that a man dislikes in a woman.

Imagine you both having a coffee and suddenly a good looking man walks in. Your girlfriend suddenly starts to talk about him and gives undue attention and starts comparing you. Is this something that you would appreciate? Certainly not! After all we all have our own feelings and being compared to another man without any justification surely hurts.

There are several other factors that can turn off a man’s feeling towards a woman. If a woman tries to exhibit too much of manliness that can definitely turn off a man. Women often fail to take care of their physical appearance after child birth or after being with their partner for a while. This is something that bothers men, as they are visual creatures. While women do not and should torture themselves to look a certain way and be a certain size, a woman should invest her best efforts in staying in healthy physical shape- for herself and to please her partner. There is nothing wrong with men and women doing things to please each other, as long as it is done in a healthy manner and no one is being criticized in a hurtful way or having unrealistic expectations put on them.

Some Women are too worried about the materialistic things in life. They forget the finer points in a relationship and become too worried about that big car or a big house. This fact sometimes annoys men, especially if he is not able to fulfill her requirements or it seems like she is never pleased. To maintain a happy relationship, a woman should always try to understand the parameters of her partner and not push him too hard for materialistic things. Spending too much money on jewelry, clothing and ignoring the needs of her partner sometimes disturb men and make him think of the relationship with doubt.

Another important factor that can play spoilsport in a relationship is the lack of interest in sex. After a certain period in relationship women tend to lose interest in sex. This is something that bothers her partner and leaves him confused. If there is a genuine reason it should be discussed between the partners to enjoy the bliss of togetherness.

Some of the factors mentioned above are truly disturbing for men. The silver lining is all this can be sorted out if the partners try to accommodate each other and share their opinions. A woman should always discuss her problems in a relationship with her partner, rather than gossiping with friends or keeping it all inside, assuming he will figure it out. This may further deepen the dent in a relationship. Every man craves for a certain amount of importance from his partner. He feels good if he gets priority in the finer things in life from his partner. It is always important for a woman to display her feminine characteristics to the best of her ability. This, along with team work can make a man happy and drive a relationship to the pinnacle of happiness.

Changing the way you look at yourself

2007-10-18T08:46:00.000-04:00

Changing the way you look at yourself

For Advice from an expert at Love-Sessions

Day by day, the majority of us have a painful war with ourselves. It is a constant fight that includes constant criticism, pressure, anger, sadness and endless cruel comparisons. It is an everyday struggle that gets in the way and keeps you from seeing yourself for who you really are and achieving your true purposes in life. Where did this war begin and why?

The answer to that question can be answered in a well-known and very often used word: Self-Esteem. What exactly does self-esteem mean? Self-Esteem is the way you look at and feel about yourself. The word "esteem" itself, means to value something or someone, thinking and believing that that something or someone is of great importance. If you are always fighting with yourself and feeding yourself thoughts that make you feel less valuable or not as important or attractive as other people, then you are suffering from Low Self-Esteem. Unfortunately, most people suffer from this, but the good news is, you can kick low self-esteem out of your life, inviting and living a high self-esteem instead.

Living a life of great confidence can be challenging, but can be done. You might have even tried giving your self-esteem a boost, but were later disappointed to see that it did not quite work out the way you imagined. If this is true, do not run away just yet! This behavior is very common. Like every other person, you have probably adapted and grown to believe that feeling insecure and feeling that you are not good enough is normal and impossible to beat; therefore you just accept it and set an subconscious rule that you need to and deserve to feel badly and poorly when you look at yourself. This is where you need to take a few steps back. The thing about low self-esteem is, that is cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.

Accomplishing high self-esteem will not happen in an instant. It requires hard work and constant reassurance. When working on achieving high self-esteem, know that it can never and will never be achieved as long as you keep negative ingredients involved, such as giving up. This is one of the biggest reasons you look at yourself in such a valueless manner. Yes, it will be hard to get rid of, especially because "giving up" is partnered with another negative ingredient named "laziness". The truth is, you do wish to change the way you look at and feel about yourself, but you have grown to become too lazy to do anything about it. Why? For the factual reason that you find it easier to stay in the place and position that you are already in. It does not matter if it is an extremely negative position or place. What does matter and needs to be realized is that you have chosen to stay in negativity for so long, that you have become so comfortable with the fact that you do not like yourself. You may not have noticed, as most of the other low self-esteemed don't, that you now crave and need to feel sorry for yourself and subconsciously enjoy victimizing yourself and grabbing negative attention from others. This is exactly why terminating low self-esteem is difficult. You handed over all of your power and strength to it, allowing it to dictate your being and the way you handle life.

Changing the way you look at Yourself (Part 2)

2007-10-18T08:45:00.001-04:00

Changing the way you look at Yourself (Part 2)

For Advice from an expert at Love-Sessions

Once you have realized and accepted these facts, you can begin your boosting process. Begin by becoming a best friend to yourself instead of an enemy. With this best friend, you, stand up for yourself and face that low self-esteem in the face, along with all the fears that come with it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you do not feel sorry for yourself anymore and that you have the power and strength to feel and be happy, confident and successful, and you will do it because you are valuable and deserve it, just as anyone else would. Reassuring yourself is a big key to staying focused and improving the way you feel about yourself and the life you live. So do not be afraid to face yourself, and every time you do look at yourself and observe the things that go on around you, take notes of the positive things and the things you do like and admire about yourself.

Another essential thing you must stop doing is comparing yourself to others. You are you and not anyone else, and never will be anyone else. People are different and are created with different packages and talents. You are different and unique and hold talents and qualities that no one else has and will never have, and that is something to take pride in and love about you. Concentrate on learning and knowing that you are special, loveable, capable and very much acceptable. It all begins with accepting yourself, and you are the most important person to receive acceptance from. Once you have received official approval and acceptance from yourself, everything and everyone else around you will do the same and follow.

Living a life of great confidence can be challenging, but can be done. You might have even tried giving your self-esteem a boost, but were later disappointed to see that it did not quite work out the way you imagined. If this is true, do not run away just yet! This behavior is very common. Like every other person, you have probably adapted and grown to believe that feeling insecure and feeling that you are not good enough is normal and impossible to beat; therefore you just accept it and set an subconscious rule that you need to and deserve to feel badly and poorly when you look at yourself. This is where you need to take a few steps back. The thing about low self-esteem is, that is cannot be cured in one day, or even soon for that matter. The first thing you need to stop doing is giving yourself and everything around you unrealistic deadlines.

When you do come to times where you are not satisfied with the way you look or the things you have done, shift your mind and soul over to a positive side, pointing out the things you are happy with and feel great about, and always reward yourself for it. Treat yourself to something special that you will enjoy and feel fabulous about, and remind yourself that tomorrow is another day, which comes with brand new opportunities and more chances. Lastly, make your presence appear only around other positive people and other positive energies. Maintaining a healthy and high self-esteem will be successful if you continue to motivate and encourage it. So get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start changing the way you feel about and look at yourself. You deserve to happy and confident, because you are a fantastic and very special individual. You can do it…and you know you can!

Flirting tips to help you Succeed in the Dating World

2007-10-18T08:41:00.000-04:00

Flirting tips to help you Succeed in the Dating World

Ladies: Flirting 101

Every woman has a sexy flirt inside of her capable of getting a man’s attention. However, not all women carry the self confidence or know-how on bringing this flirtatious side out. Flirting plays a big part in the dating world. In fact, you cannot score a date with any man unless you give them the green light- a sign that expresses that we are interested in them. After all, women are not the only ones struggling with doubts and insecurities about themselves. Men also feel insecure and unsure on how to put themselves out there. They are afraid of reading a woman wrong, fear getting rejected and are also intimidated by women they find very attractive. So, if you see a man you think is attractive and you want to get the communication started, you have to help the boy out a little! By helping him out, you will help yourself out too- because you like him and want to talk to him, so let the flirting begin…

Flirting does not have to be very aggressive. It depends on your personality. If you naturally a shyer person, then you will want to be quieter with your flirting, but still send out a strong message. If you are not all that shy and you have a more aggressive personality, then you can be more obvious and vocal with your flirting. Here are some flirting tips you can use the next time you see a guy you want to acquaint and get to know better.

Shy Girls:

1. Make eye contact with a smile.

If you come across a man that catches your eye, look at him in the eyes and give him a gentle smile. The smile is an invitation, letting him know that you are open to be friendly with him.

2. If he smiles back, Turn Around!

Once you make contact and smile at him, the ball is in his court. He smiles back, keep walking. After a few second, slowly turn around and smile at him again. He most likely will be checking you out if he finds you attractive, so he will see this and will smile back at you again. If he has the courage, he will come up to you and start talking- and you can take it from there.

3. Swirl your feet

If you are sitting down when you see a man you like, then give him a friendly smile and swirl one of your feet around slowly if you are wearing a skirt. The smile and eye contact will let him know you are into him, but swirling your foot will draw his attention to your legs and he will be even more curious about you. Remember, men are visual creatures, so make sure he sees your physical qualities. If you are sitting but are not wearing a skirt, then you can do something else to draw his attention to your physical sexiness! For example, you could tilt your head slightly upwards and rub your neck a little, as if you do not know he is looking, but in fact he will be watching you rub your sexy neck!

Not so Shy Girls:

1. Stare and Speak!

When you see a man you like, the eye contact rule still applies, since eye contact is the most powerful tool when trying to connect with someone. However, if you are not that shy and do not mind taking a bolder step, you can also speak to him as he walks by, or as you walk by him. You can flirtingly say hello in a soft voice and smile as he says hello back, gently looking him up and down. This will make it obvious to him that you are interested, without being too aggressive and over doing it- but definitely flirty enough!

2. Start Conversation

If you are willing to make the first move and make your intentions even more obvious, without actually throwing yourself at him, you can start a conversation with him. Come up with an excuse to talk, such as asking for directions, an opinion on something- or even to borrow his pen- whatever it takes to get the two of you talking. If he is interested in you as well, you will not have to work too hard, because he will be friendly and flirty right back at you! You two can talk and then take it from there.

3. Give or Ask for Digits!

Face it- if you just ran into this guy by chance- then there I a high chance you may not see him again- unless one of you take a bold move. If you do not have a problem making bold moves, you can ask him for his phone number (if he does not beat you to it first), or you could write down your number and hand it to him with a smile. If there really is chemistry between you, then he will want to be in touch with you again- as soon as possible!

Remember: Regardless of whether you are shy or more aggressive, one of the most important and most attractive thing a woman can do is Smile! It gives a friendly vibe and shows him that you are a happy, non-threatening flirting woman. Plus, smiling brightens your face and gives him a chance to see your real beauty!

Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality

2007-10-18T08:40:00.000-04:00

Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality

For Advice on all relationship topics at Love-Sessions

Sexual expression plays a huge role in relationships. It is way for people to show their lovers what they feel about them through passionate and intimate ways. As wonderful as sexuality can be, it is often misunderstood, which is why the average couple faces sexual conflicts and challenges at some point during their relationship. This is no way is a generalization of men and women, but the truth is, men and women handle their sexuality differently- on an average. If couples spend some time to truly learn and understand their partner’s sexuality, they can build a happier and healthier sex life together, instead of facing the conflicts that stall their relationship from blossoming further.

Okay, so you now know that according for your sex life to improve, you need to understand your partner’s sexuality…but where do you start? Good question, but there is no particular area to start. You can start at any angle you wish, as long as you are learning something about your partner’s sexual behavior. Of course, the most advisable suggestion would be communication, for every counseling psychologist believes that all couple conflicts exist because of poor communication that needs to be improved. This may be true, but it is a very general suggestion- too general for you to understand where to start. You see, this is because you do not know what communication to improve. Many couples may have wonderful communication between each other and get along great, except for when it comes to making love. How can this be if you communicate so well? The answer is very simple, yet most people would not think of it. In fact, the average person sees communication as a general skill that works for all areas of life, which is why most couple gets confused when their sex life starts to lack. The answer is: You need to improve your Sexual Communication.

Fine, that sounds simple enough. So all you have to do is talk about your sex life with your lover to clear any confusion? Well, yes- talking about what is going on in your bedroom certainly helps you both understand what is going on in each others minds, but that is not the entire solution. Besides talking about it, you have got to do some research and work on your own. This means you need to make an effort to study your partner’s sexuality by learning what triggers good and bad sexual responses. This is where it can get challenging because men and women view sex differently. Though men have times they are not “in the mood” due to other things going on in their life, they usually can tune out everything when it comes to having a lovemaking session with their partner. In fact, for many men, sex is great way to help them feel better and relax- like a stress reducer. For women however, sex is a more fragile subject and involves a lot of emotion. If a woman is having a bad day or has a million things going on in her mind, it distracts her from getting involved in good sexual activity. Men take this offensively, thinking that the reason their woman does not want to have sex or is not that into it, is because she is no longer as turned on by him, or even being selfish- when this is most of the time not true. Women need to be approached in certain ways that will make them feel relaxed, safe and ready to have sex. Men too have their own preferences of ways to be approached.

Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality (2) for part 1 - click here.

2007-10-18T08:37:00.000-04:00

Understanding your Partner’s Sexuality (2) for part 1 - click here.

Advice on all love related topics at Love-Sessions

There are many methods you can use to better understand your partner’s sexuality and improve your sex life. Begin by trying something different that you do not usually do, but also try combining that with a behavior you use often, so that your partner can still feel familiar and comfortable. Good ideas that have succeeded are giving your partner a full body massage to help them relax and open up, setting up a sexy and romantic scene in the bedroom (example: candlelight, sexy music, sexy food like chocolate strawberries, body oils and butters, champagne, etc.), having an indoor picnic at home, taking a bath and scrubbing your lovers body, taking your lover out on a date and then staying in a nice hotel for the night… and so on. One of the main reasons sex conflicts occur eventually during a relationship, is due to the fact that the sex and romance fell into “routine” or a comfort zone. To keep a sexual relationship exciting, you must take different routes and try new things and keep it creative. Knowing what works best when it comes to awakening your lover’s sexual cravings, will take time and effort, not to mention a good deal of exploration. Not that this would actually feel like work, for exploring new areas and new routines tend to always spice up a relationship and draw the two of you together. You and your partner will not only be involved in more lovemaking sessions together, but will also discover new things about each other and your relationship, which will open new doors to better communication, new ideas, as well as learning more do’s and don’ts for your relationship.

Understanding your partner’s sexuality is not as hard as you may think. All it requires is the will and patience to observe and pay attention to what makes him or her tick and respond to you in the way you find most appealing. While you are learning and using new ideas to enhance your sexual side of your relationship, you and your partner will automatically strengthen your bond, love, respect and understanding towards one another, which is what being in a relationship is all about. Remember, when trying to improve a sexual relationship, you must look at things from two points of views: yours and your partners. As long as you make the best effort to this, plus good communication on both your parts, your relationship will be maintained in the most clear and satisfying form.

Communicating With Your Spouse Respect, Love, and Good Communication in Marriage

2007-10-17T01:30:00.001-04:00

Communicating With Your Spouse
Respect, Love, and Good Communication in Marriage

© Jean Marie Lockwood

Marriage is hard work, but if we know how to talk to each other it will be easier. Here are some tips to help know how to communicate with your spouse.

When a couple is planning a wedding, the excitement and busyness that surrounds them may drown out any potential problems, such as lack of communication. When the honeymoon is over and normal daily life together begins is when problems may be noticed- but are not taken seriously because it is all new.

Communication is the main factor in a successful marriage. If a couple is able to talk to each other about everything that concerns them, they will get through just about anything.

Here are some tips to enable you to successfully communicate as a couple.
Respect each other in your communication. Agree on things such as no name calling, even while arguing. Don't talk down to each other.
Don't use terms such as "you always", and "I never".
Be a good listener. Use body language to let your spouse know you are truly listening. Rephrasing what has been said, to make sure you are understanding what is meant can help make sure there is no misunderstanding.
Make the tough subjects easier by bringing humor into it. Talking about sex can be difficult at first, but if you use humor, it can become easier. Be honest, but keep a good sense of humor.
Don't hesitate to tell each other what you like. Too often married couples only say what they don't like. This can cause hurt feelings and make it seem like a hopeless situation. If you talk about the things that you enjoy and agree on, as much or more than the things you don't like or agree on, it creates a positive atmosphere to communicate in.
When you notice things about your spouse that you would like to see change, remember that there are things about you that he would like to see change too. If you work on changing yourself, rather than on changing your spouse- you will see big changes in your perspective.
Touching, whether holding hands, or sitting against eachother while talking, will keep you aware of how close you are to eachother, and make it less likely that you will say things you will regret later.
Keep sarcasm and a mocking tone far from your conversation. These things can cause hurt, resentment, and make it harder to talk about important things.
When you feel distance growing, say so. There is nothing wrong with telling your spouse that you need some of her time. As a matter of fact, being open about such things is what will draw you closer to each other.
Make it easy for your spouse to begin to talk by being willing and making it clear that you are in this together. When both of you are working toward the same goal - a happy, healthy, lifelong marriage - being available to each other has to come first.
On things that are strictly opinion, don't argue! Agree to disagree. If there are opinions you are not in agreement on...so what?
Opinion is a personal thing that does not make or break a relationship. Allow differences of opinion, and accept that yours may not be the only one that is alright.
Don't rehash the past. If something is in the past, has already been dealt with and resolved- leave it there. Bringing up the past is a communication killer. Don't allow things that are in the past to ruin you future.

If a couple works together, agreeing on communicating effectively - the marriage can be happy, harmonious, and healthy - for life.

Friendship vs. Emotional Affair Signs Your Friendship Has Crossed Into Questionable Territory

2007-10-17T01:28:00.000-04:00

Friendship vs. Emotional Affair
Signs Your Friendship Has Crossed Into Questionable Territory

© Cherie Burbach

Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. Here are some guidelines to determine if you're having an inappropriate relationship.
Feelings of attraction:

Friendship:
Feelings for your friend are completely platonic. That means you are not attracted to your friend and couldn't imagine having sex with them.

Emotional affair:
You begin to have feelings of attraction for your friend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch your friend.
Sharing inappropriate details of your relationship:

Friendship:
Your friend is a source of support, but you make it a point not to discuss the intricacies of your relationship.

Emotional affair:
When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.
Longing for your friend instead of your partner:

Friendship:
You look forward to seeing your friend at work or out socially, but ultimately look forward to going home to your partner.

Emotional affair:
You spend more energy longing for your friend than you do your partner. When you're with your partner, you look forward to when you can get back to spending time with your friend.
Secrecy:

Friendship:
Your relationship with your friend is out in the open. Your partner knows when you meet for dinner and have lunch, and you are honest when asked how you two spent your time.

Emotional affair:
You tend to hide information on your friendship from your partner. You email or call each other in secret, and when asked how you two spent your time you have a tendency to lie.
Your friendship upsets your partner:

Friendship:
Your partner is supportive of spending time with your friend.

Emotional affair:
Something about your friendship bothers your partner, and when he or she asks you about it you get uncomfortable or defensive.
Your friend takes up your thoughts:

Friendship:
You daydream and fantasize about your new relationship, not your friend.

Emotional affair:
You dream and fantasize about your friend, not your new relationship.
You believe you'll always be closer to your friend than your partner:

Friendship:
Your friend knows you only too well, but you look forward to the day when your significant other will come to know your heart and soul even better.

Emotional affair:
You believe that no matter how great the new person in your life is, he or she will never be able to know you quite like your friend does.
You have feelings of jealousy when your friend finds love:

Friendship:
When your friend goes on a date, you are happy for them and hope they find their match.

Emotional affair:
You are jealous when your friend goes on a date. You find yourself hoping your friend will not find love and instead spend time with you.
The dangers of emotional affairs when you're dating:

Emotional affairs can be especially harmful to new relationships. When you've first started dating, things are tentative and unsure, and can be easily derailed with misunderstandings. Asking a potential partner to accept an inappropriate friendship is a sure-fire way to end your new relationship before it even starts.

If you are having an emotional affair with the opposite sex, ask yourself why you want to continue. Are you afraid of a real relationship, and therefore hold on to this emotional affair? Having a friend to fantasize about can be a crutch to hold you back from developing a healthy relationship.

The Danger of Emotional Affairs Betrayal of Trust

2007-10-17T01:27:00.000-04:00

The Danger of Emotional Affairs
Betrayal of Trust

© Cherie

Can men and women really ever be friends? Or will a close relationship with the opposite sex be the downfall of your relationship?

There is a movement that exists in dating today that is redefining the true boundaries of infidelity. Not that cheating was ever okay on any level, but today people are more aware of limitations than ever before. It used to be that men and women were discouraged from forging friendships. As time went on, however, people began working together and close relationships followed behind. Under most circumstances, this is fine, as men and women can have perfectly platonic friendships. But there are times when the association between friends crosses the boundary of what’s acceptable.
What Is Emotional Cheating?
An emotional affair begins when one partner has an extremely close relationship with a person of the opposite sex that transforms from regular friendship to something more. Instead of just hanging around platonically, the partner begins having feelings of attraction for the other person. Generally they begin talking intimately about things they should only be discussing with their significant other. They flirt with the other person, and behave inappropriately. They may withdraw from their partner. Unlike a cyber affair they do see the other person, sometimes having lunches or dinners or even just meeting somewhere for coffee. They behave in a manner that is secretive and hurtful, keeping information from their partner and sneaking off to have private email or phone time with the other person.
Why Is It Bad?
Some may argue that since emotional affairs fall just short of physical cheating they aren’t really all that bad. But this is incorrect. Emotional affairs can hurt just as much as physical cheating and sometimes even more. When one partner replaces time, feelings, and intimacy with someone other than their partner it hurts the relationship between them and their partner. Emotional affairs involve all the lying and mistrust that physical affairs do, and their damage often takes much longer to overcome.
How Do Emotional Affairs Begin
Often emotional affairs start between coworkers. What may start out innocently enough as time working on a project may evolve into a deeper emotional relationship. The two see each other for long periods of time during the day and develop a strong rapport. If one partner is having troubles in their relationship they may confide in their coworker, and things develop from there. But there doesn’t have to be problems in a relationship in order for an emotional affair to happen. There may have been a previous relationship that one partner never quite got over and then decided to remain friends with the person, thereby setting themselves up for an eventual emotional affair down the road.
How To Spot Emotional Affairs
If your partner exhibits traditional signs of cheating such as sneaking around, behaving differently toward you, or flat out lying, this could be the beginning of an emotional affair. Generally emotional affairs involve emails that your partner doesn’t want you to see, or they may take a phone call in another room and shut the door without telling you what it was about. If your partner begins to pull away from you and seems distant, they may be engaging emotionally with someone else.
How To Handle Emotional Affairs
If you suspect your partner is having an emotional affair you need to confront them about their behavior. Point out specific activities when bringing up your concerns. Tell your partner how the relationship they have with this person affects your feelings. Don’t be surprised if your partner gets defensive or denies they have done anything wrong. Often one partner may convince his or herself that by refraining from physical intimacy they have not crossed a line. By making your feelings clear, however, your partner will have no choice but to deal with your concerns. You both may need counseling in order to work out the issues between you. It is possible to be happy with your partner again, but it does take time and effort and is only possible when your partner understands the appropriate boundaries and works on repairing the trust issues they’ve caused for the relationship.

Ways to Meet New People

2007-10-17T01:20:00.000-04:00

Ways to Meet New People
Get a Date by the Weekend

© Cherie
There are more ways to meet new people than ever before. Check out these nine ideas to expand your dating prospects.

Meeting new people can be a challenging thing for singles, especially if most of your friends are married. The good news is that there are more choices to meet new people than ever before. Check out one of the ideas below and maybe you’ll even have a date by the weekend!

Online Dating

Internet dating takes the guesswork out of meeting new people. After all, everyone on the system is looking to meet someone. There are sites for virtually every preference and situation, from single parents to pet lovers to religious beliefs. Brush up on your online dating etiquette, log on, and find a date!

Speed Dating

Got ten minutes to meet your perfect mate? Speed Dating works on the premise that with a scant few minutes and a room full of singles, you'll be able to find someone who you want to go out with. Using good conversation skills will help you determine if you'd like to see someone again. Best of all, unlike a regular date, if you don't click with someone, you're on to the next person before you know it.

Singles Activities

Dances, cruises, and golf events and the like designed especially for singles are available in cities across the country. Check your local paper and community center for event listings. Practice a few opening lines, and meet someone that shares the same interests as you.
Faith-based Activities

Churches and synagogues often run social events especially for singles. Check with your local religious organization for information. If you do meet someone, be sure to have plenty of ideas in mind to entice your new love interest with a date.

Activities Where You Are Likely to Meet the Opposite Sex

Sometimes the best way to meet new people is by taking part in a new activity. Things like cooking classes, mechanics courses, and book clubs all offer opportunities to be introduced to your next partner. Keep the conversation light and you'll have a good chance of seeing them again.

Blind Dates and Set Ups

Ask your friends if they know of anyone they could set you up with. Often singles are shy about asking friends for set ups, but sometimes our pals are just waiting for us to give the word. Always be polite to both your date and your friend. Never make your friend feel bad if things between you and a blind date don't work out. That way they're more likely to try again when they come across someone new – and that person could be the one.
Matchmaker Services

Why not let someone else do the work of finding your special someone? Matchmaking may seem like an old-fashioned idea, but the advent of other relationship options like online and speed dating have given it a renewed popularity. Matchmaking is largely a word-of-mouth type of service, but some matchmakers can be found in the yellow pages (under "dating"), online, or registered with certain community organizations in your area.

Lunch Dating

There are many top lunch dating organizations that were created especially for busy professionals. They arrange casual dates for lunch, brunch, or after-work drinks.

Ask Someone Out

Why not take matters in your own hands and ask out that cutie you've had your eye on? Be confident, and don't worry about getting turned down. After all, if they say no, at least you tried. But if they say yes, you've got yourself a date!.

Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down

2007-10-12T05:22:00.000-04:00

Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down by Chris Widener

"Instead of spending your time thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be!"

Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the successful life. But what happens when things go wrong? What happens when circumstances deal us a blow? We have a tendency to let our attitudes take the dive along with our state of affairs. Life deals us setbacks, both minor and major, on a regular basis, but if we are going to be successful, we need to know how to deal with them and keep our attitudes intact! We need practical tools to help us understand how we can go about keeping our attitude up, when the circumstances are down. Here are some thoughts to help us do so:

Take some time-out. I'm sure you are aware of what happens. You are going about your day and everything seems to be going well, when out of nowhere disaster strikes. All of your best-laid plans begin to tumble. Sometimes circumstances surprise us and we react. Unfortunately, this often compounds the problem because by reacting we tend to operate out of our weaknesses instead of our strengths. We make decisions that are not well thought out. We function with a bad attitude that says, "I can't believe this is happening!"

The next time circumstances turn against you, take some time to just step back from the problem and think. This will enable you to deal with the issue at hand rationally, instead of emotionally. It will allow you to put your state of mind back into its proper place. It gives you the opportunity to choose your attitude as you face the circumstances at hand. Remember that we don't have to do something right now. Go grab a cup of coffee and relax little bit. By doing this you function with you being in control and not the circumstances.

Keep your eye on the goal. A second step in keeping our attitude in the proper place is to make sure we keep the important things important. One of the biggest problems with trouble is that it gets your focus off of where it should be. When I experience difficult circumstances and people ask me how it is going, I tell them, "I am just keeping my eye on the goal." It has always been fascinating to me that when racecar drivers get into trouble, they keep their eyes straight ahead and do not move them away. There is just too much chance of wrecking that way. Instead, their eyes are on the goal, and this keeps them out of trouble. If you find yourself getting down about circumstances, sit down and write out what the goal is. Give some thought to how you can achieve that goal or others you may have.

A man was asked how he was doing and he responded, "Pretty well, under the circumstances." The other man asked, "What are you doing under the circumstances?" Good question. We shouldn't be under the circumstances we should be focused on the goal and moving forward.

Focus on solutions, not problems. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, the old saying goes. Negative circumstances don't sit idly by. They scream for our attention. When we face difficult circumstances, we tend to dwell on them. We talk about them, fret about them, and give them way too much attention. Instead of talking about problems, talk about solutions. Instead of spending your time thinking about how bad things are, think about how good they will be! Don't have family or staff meetings about the problems and how big they are. Have meetings on the solutions and how you will implement them. Don't let yourself or other team members complain. Encourage them to solve, with an emphasis on the positive results that will come from doing so. Then take some time to put these solutions down on paper, so you can monitor your progress.

Get some positive input. The mind tends to build on itself, so when we begin to go in one direction, i.e. worry, it can be a slippery slope. One thing we must do is get our thoughts back on track with positive ideas. When circumstances have got you against the emotional wall, get with a good friend who can encourage you. Listen to a CD by Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar or another motivational speaker. Pick up a good book and give it a read. Whatever external influence you can get to put your attitude back on the positive side of the tracks - do it! It must be one of our first goals to start plugging good things into our minds to fuel our attitudes.

Tell yourself the good. One of the greatest internal powers we have is the power to control our thoughts. Spend time dwelling on the good things about your life or job instead of the problems. Think about positive things, things you enjoy and give you a sense of happiness and peace. There is an old childhood song that says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one." That is great advice! Let your positive attitude develop from within as well as from without. This makes all the difference!

Remember that circumstances are not forever. Sometimes it seems like we are going to be up to our eyeballs in the situation forever, when in reality, this too shall pass. There will be a time in the future when circumstances will change and you will be on the mountain instead of the valley. This will give you a sense of hope as you live and work that will change your attitude, make you feel better and put you on the fast track for growth!

Some questions as we close:

Q. Do you have a habit of reflection before responding?
Q. Do you have a habit of keeping your eye on the goal?
Q. Do you focus on solutions or problems?
Q. Do you give yourself positive outside influence?
Q. Do you have a habit of telling yourself the good?
Q. Do you remind yourself that nothing is forever?

Chris Widener