The term benign breast disease is used to describe a number of benign (non cancerous) conditions that can affect the breast. Some cause discomfort or pain and require treatment, while others are of little concern and need no medical attention. Unfortunately, many breast diseases mimic the symptoms of cancer and so require tests and sometimes surgical biopsy to diagnose. Though the prospect of cancer is certainly scary, most biopsies find benign breast disease instead of cancer (for more on detecting and diagnosing breast disease, see the Early Detection and Screening and Diagnosis sections).
Some of the more common benign breast diseases are hyperplasia, cysts and fibroadenomas [4]. The term "fibrocystic changes" is used by some health care providers to describe a broad range of benign breast diseases. There are many subtypes of benign breast disease that differ from each other in their cellular appearance under a microscope. If “fibrocystic changes” is used to describe someone’s condition, it’s important to ask about the specific type of fibrocystic change that was identified (for example, whether it is a cyst or hyperplasia). While benign breast diseases are not cancer, certain types do actually increase the risk of breast cancer.
Hormonal factors, such as the use of postmenopausal hormones, can increase the risk of benign breast disease. Similar to the risk of breast cancer, risk of benign breast disease is increased among women with inherited genetic susceptibilities including BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutations [10,11].
Hyperplasia
Hyperplasia is a term describing the excessive accumulation or build up (sometimes called proliferation) of cells. It is usually found on the inside of the lobules or ducts in the breast tissue. Hyperplasia usually occurs among women in their 20s and often is associated with breast pain [11]. There are two main types of hyperplasia—usual and atypical. Both raise the risk of breast cancer, though atypical hyperplasia does so to a greater degree [12-14]. For more on this, see the Risk Factors and Prevention section.
Cysts
Cysts are fluid-filled sacs that are almost always benign. Often they can be left alone, or if painful, they can be drained of the fluid (aspirated). They may also be drained if they are palpable (can be felt) and could potentially interfere with clinical exams. Up to a third of women between the ages of 35 and 50 have cysts in their breasts, though most cysts are too small to feel and can be detected only by examination with ultrasound.
If cysts are large enough, they may feel like lumps in the breast. Breast pain and nipple discharge may also be present [11]. In a small proportion of patients, the cysts will recur after being aspirated. If this happens repeatedly, patients may want to have them removed. Cysts are more common in women as they approach menopause, but they are not associated with an increased risk of cancer. After menopause, cysts occur much less frequently [4].
It is unknown exactly what causes cysts to develop. Although certain dietary factors, such as caffeine intake, have been discussed as possible risk factors for developing breast cysts, there are currently very little data backing up any link between cyst development and either dietary or lifestyle factors [15,16]. For more information on detecting and diagnosing cysts, see the Early Detection and Screening section.
Fibroadenomas
Fibroadenomas, another type of benign lump, are most common in younger women. They are usually not removed because they pose no risk. Sometimes they are uncomfortable and produce a lump that can be felt in the breast. If a fibroadenoma is large, a woman will probably want it removed. In older women, fibroadenomas are generally removed to be certain they are not cancerous. Fibroadenomas are not generally associated with an increased risk of cancer [1,4]. For more information on detecting and diagnosing fibroadenomas, see the Early Detection and Screening section.
Sclerosing adenosis
Sclerosing adenosis most commonly occurs in women in their 30s [11]. It is characterized by small breast nodules that are composed of distorted, elongated glandular cells [10]. Sclerosing adenosis may increase the risk of atypical hyperplasia, lobular carcinoma in situ and ductal carcinoma in situ [10].
Radial scars
Radial scars are discovered most often during a biopsy on a breast tumor removed for other reasons [10,17]. They can look like breast cancer on a mammogram, but they are not actual cancer. Although some studies have found that radial scars increase the risk of breast cancer, this may be because they are typically identified alongside existing disease [11,18].
Intraductal papillomas
Intraductal papillomas occur in the lactation ducts of the breasts. These small masses may appear with or without nipple discharge [10]. There are two types of intraductal papillomas—solitary and multiple (or peripheral). Solitary intraductal papillomas usually occur among women in their 30s and 40s and do not increase the risk of breast cancer unless atypical cells are present [11]. Multiple intraductal papillomas, occur among even younger women and are associated with a small increase in breast cancer risk [10,11].
Benign phyllodes tumor
Phyllodes tumors are very rare, comprising less than one percent of all breast tumors in women. There are several sub-types. Benign phyllodes tumor is most common, accounting for more than 50 percent of all phyllodes tumors, and the least aggressive of these sub-types [10]. These benign tumors are similar to fibroadenomas and typically occur among women younger than 50 [10]. Because phyllodes tumors are so rare, it is unclear whether or not they increase the risk of breast cancer [10].
Sclerosing lymphocytic lobulitis/ductitis (diabetic mastopathy, lymphocytic mastitis)
Sclerosing lymphocytic lobulitis (also called diabetic mastopathy and lymphocytic mastitis) are benign breast masses that most often appear in women with insulin-dependent (type 1) diabetes [10,19]. These tumors are typically small, hard masses and can appear in the ducts (lymphocytic ductitis) or in the lobules (lymphocytic lobulitis) [10]. This type of benign breast disease does not appear to increase the risk of breast cancer [19].
copy from Komen Breast Care
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Saturday, September 29, 2007
Warning Signs of Breast Cancer
Due to the increased use of mammography, most women are diagnosed at very early stages of breast cancer before symptoms appear. However, not every breast cancer is detected through mammography. The most common symptoms of breast cancer are a change in the look or feel of the breast, a change in the look or feel of the nipple and nipple discharge. These are described below:
Warning Signs of Breast Cancer
A change in the look or feel of the breast.
A change in the size or shape of the breast.
A lump or thickening in the breast, the area surrounding the breast or the underarm.
A warm sensation in the breast.
A change in the look or feel of the nipple.
A nipple turned inward or sunken into the breast.
The shape of the nipple becomes irregular.
A rash on the nipple or areola.
Nipple tenderness, increased sensitivity or pain.
Nipple discharge.
Blood or fluid other than breast milk secreted from the nipple.
A change in the look or feel of the skin on the breast, nipple or areola.
Dimpling of the skin on the breast (appears like the skin on an orange).
The appearance of irritated, red, scaly, or swollen skin on the breast, nipple, or areola.
Breast pain.
Although breast pain is usually associated with benign breast disease rather than breast cancer, it can be a symptom of either condition.
Adapted from National Cancer Institute [7,8], American Cancer Society [9], and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [10].
It is important to discuss any of these symptoms with a health care provider as soon as possible so that if breast cancer is present, it is more likely to be diagnosed at an early stage when it is most treatable.
Warning Signs of Breast Cancer
A change in the look or feel of the breast.
A change in the size or shape of the breast.
A lump or thickening in the breast, the area surrounding the breast or the underarm.
A warm sensation in the breast.
A change in the look or feel of the nipple.
A nipple turned inward or sunken into the breast.
The shape of the nipple becomes irregular.
A rash on the nipple or areola.
Nipple tenderness, increased sensitivity or pain.
Nipple discharge.
Blood or fluid other than breast milk secreted from the nipple.
A change in the look or feel of the skin on the breast, nipple or areola.
Dimpling of the skin on the breast (appears like the skin on an orange).
The appearance of irritated, red, scaly, or swollen skin on the breast, nipple, or areola.
Breast pain.
Although breast pain is usually associated with benign breast disease rather than breast cancer, it can be a symptom of either condition.
Adapted from National Cancer Institute [7,8], American Cancer Society [9], and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [10].
It is important to discuss any of these symptoms with a health care provider as soon as possible so that if breast cancer is present, it is more likely to be diagnosed at an early stage when it is most treatable.
What is Breast Cancer?
Breast cancer is a type of cancer where cells in the breast tissue divide and grow without the normal control. About 85 percent of breast cancers originate in the mammary ducts, while about 15 percent arise in the lobules [5]. Cancerous tumors in the breast usually grow very slowly so that by the time one is large enough to be felt as a lump, it may have been growing for as long as ten years.
One of the most important distinctions to understand about breast cancer is the difference between invasive cancer and carcinoma in situ (kar-sin-O-ma in SY-too). The key concepts of each are discussed below, with greater detail provided in the Diagnosis section.
Invasive Cancer
The more serious of the two, invasive breast cancer, develops when abnormal cells from inside the lobules or ducts break out into the surrounding breast tissue. This provides an opportunity for cancer to spread to the lymph nodes and, in advanced stages, to organs like the liver, lungs and bones.
In the past, breast cancer was thought to grow in an orderly progression from a tiny tumor in the breast tissue to a larger one, sequentially traveling out to the nearby lymph nodes, then distant ones, and finally metastasizing in other parts of the body. Now, however, it is thought that cancer cells are capable of traveling from the breast through the blood and lymphatic system very early in the course of the disease, though these traveling cancer cells do not always survive beyond the tumor [1].
Carcinoma In Situ
When abnormal cells grow inside the lobules or milk ducts but have not spread to the surrounding tissue or beyond, the condition is called carcinoma in situ. The term "in situ" means "in place" and is used to describe this condition because the abnormal cells are still "in place" inside the lobules or ducts where they first developed. There are two main categories of carcinoma in situ: ductal carcinoma in situ and lobular carcinoma in situ.
Although the word carcinoma is used in their titles, the cells involved in the different carcinomas in situ are not fully cancerous because they have not developed the ability to invade tissues outside of the ducts or lobules and metastasize. They are often referred to as precancerous conditions because they can either develop into or raise the risk of invasive cancer.
One of the most important distinctions to understand about breast cancer is the difference between invasive cancer and carcinoma in situ (kar-sin-O-ma in SY-too). The key concepts of each are discussed below, with greater detail provided in the Diagnosis section.
Invasive Cancer
The more serious of the two, invasive breast cancer, develops when abnormal cells from inside the lobules or ducts break out into the surrounding breast tissue. This provides an opportunity for cancer to spread to the lymph nodes and, in advanced stages, to organs like the liver, lungs and bones.
In the past, breast cancer was thought to grow in an orderly progression from a tiny tumor in the breast tissue to a larger one, sequentially traveling out to the nearby lymph nodes, then distant ones, and finally metastasizing in other parts of the body. Now, however, it is thought that cancer cells are capable of traveling from the breast through the blood and lymphatic system very early in the course of the disease, though these traveling cancer cells do not always survive beyond the tumor [1].
Carcinoma In Situ
When abnormal cells grow inside the lobules or milk ducts but have not spread to the surrounding tissue or beyond, the condition is called carcinoma in situ. The term "in situ" means "in place" and is used to describe this condition because the abnormal cells are still "in place" inside the lobules or ducts where they first developed. There are two main categories of carcinoma in situ: ductal carcinoma in situ and lobular carcinoma in situ.
Although the word carcinoma is used in their titles, the cells involved in the different carcinomas in situ are not fully cancerous because they have not developed the ability to invade tissues outside of the ducts or lobules and metastasize. They are often referred to as precancerous conditions because they can either develop into or raise the risk of invasive cancer.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Loneliness Is Bad For Your Health
By Catherine West
Source: Association for Psychological Science
Two University of Chicago psychologists, Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo, have been trying to disentangle social isolation, loneliness, and the physical deterioration and diseases of aging, right down to the cellular level.
The researchers suspected that while the toll of loneliness may be mild and unremarkable in early life, it accumulates with time. To test this idea, the scientists studied a group of college-age individuals and continued an annual study of a group of people who joined when they were between 50 and 68 years old.
Their findings, reported in the August issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, are revealing.
Consider stress, for example. The more years you live, the more stressful experiences you are going to have: new jobs, marriage and divorce, parenting, financial worries, illness. It’s inevitable.
However, when the psychologists looked at the lives of the middle-aged and old people in their study, they found that although the lonely ones reported the same number of stressful life events, they identified more sources of chronic stress and recalled more childhood adversity.
Moreover, they differed in how they perceived their life experiences. Even when faced with similar challenges, the lonelier people appeared more helpless and threatened. And ironically, they were less apt to actively seek help when they are stressed out.
Hawkley and Cacioppo then took urine samples from both the lonely and the more contented volunteers, and found that the lonely ones had more of the hormone epinephrine flowing in their bodies. Epinephrine is one of the body’s “fight or flight” chemicals, and high levels indicate that lonely people go through life in a heightened state of arousal. As with blood pressure, this physiological toll likely becomes more apparent with aging.
Since the body’s stress hormones are intricately involved in fighting inflammation and infection, it appears that loneliness contributes to the wear and tear of aging through this pathway as well.
There is more bad news. When we experience the depletion caused by stress, our bodies normally rely on restorative processes like sleep to shore us up. But when the researchers monitored the younger volunteers’ sleep, they found that the lonely nights were disturbed by many “micro awakenings.” That is, they appeared to sleep as much as the normal volunteers, but their sleep was of poorer quality. Not surprisingly, the lonelier people reported more daytime dysfunction. Since sleep tends to deteriorate with age anyway, the added hit from loneliness is probably compromising this natural restoration process even more.
Loneliness is not the same as solitude. Some people are just fine with being alone, and some even see solitude as an important path to spiritual growth. But for many, social isolation and physical aging make for a toxic co
Source: Association for Psychological Science
Two University of Chicago psychologists, Louise Hawkley and John Cacioppo, have been trying to disentangle social isolation, loneliness, and the physical deterioration and diseases of aging, right down to the cellular level.
The researchers suspected that while the toll of loneliness may be mild and unremarkable in early life, it accumulates with time. To test this idea, the scientists studied a group of college-age individuals and continued an annual study of a group of people who joined when they were between 50 and 68 years old.
Their findings, reported in the August issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, are revealing.
Consider stress, for example. The more years you live, the more stressful experiences you are going to have: new jobs, marriage and divorce, parenting, financial worries, illness. It’s inevitable.
However, when the psychologists looked at the lives of the middle-aged and old people in their study, they found that although the lonely ones reported the same number of stressful life events, they identified more sources of chronic stress and recalled more childhood adversity.
Moreover, they differed in how they perceived their life experiences. Even when faced with similar challenges, the lonelier people appeared more helpless and threatened. And ironically, they were less apt to actively seek help when they are stressed out.
Hawkley and Cacioppo then took urine samples from both the lonely and the more contented volunteers, and found that the lonely ones had more of the hormone epinephrine flowing in their bodies. Epinephrine is one of the body’s “fight or flight” chemicals, and high levels indicate that lonely people go through life in a heightened state of arousal. As with blood pressure, this physiological toll likely becomes more apparent with aging.
Since the body’s stress hormones are intricately involved in fighting inflammation and infection, it appears that loneliness contributes to the wear and tear of aging through this pathway as well.
There is more bad news. When we experience the depletion caused by stress, our bodies normally rely on restorative processes like sleep to shore us up. But when the researchers monitored the younger volunteers’ sleep, they found that the lonely nights were disturbed by many “micro awakenings.” That is, they appeared to sleep as much as the normal volunteers, but their sleep was of poorer quality. Not surprisingly, the lonelier people reported more daytime dysfunction. Since sleep tends to deteriorate with age anyway, the added hit from loneliness is probably compromising this natural restoration process even more.
Loneliness is not the same as solitude. Some people are just fine with being alone, and some even see solitude as an important path to spiritual growth. But for many, social isolation and physical aging make for a toxic co
Life Would Be Easy... If It Weren't for DIFFICULT People by Connie Podesta
Go on, it's okay. Admit it! We all know that life would be a whole lot easier if we didn't have to deal with those few (or many) difficult people we just can't seem to avoid. I think you know who I'm talking about.
What's not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen, and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean "habits". If you're tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You can not change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them - and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children - and more important, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about "getting our needs met." And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone's behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a 2-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her "cold shoulder" and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same "reward" at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What do they really want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate - even work extra hard - to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What can I do about it?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as "part of life." We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that "Maybe it's me."
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That's great news! By focusing on our selves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us - today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
What's not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen, and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean "habits". If you're tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You can not change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them - and ultimately how they affect your life.
The Good News... and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children - and more important, it continues to work for them as adults.
I believe that most of us are born with the capacity and desire to love and be loved. As we grow, we learn to respond to verbal and visual cues and we begin to adjust our behavior to obtain the positive responses we want. Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
The game of life is basically about "getting our needs met." And you certainly do play a part! We reward difficult people by giving in to their needs. Think about it. If someone's behavior is consistently inappropriate or unacceptable toward you, ask yourself if in any way you are rewarding their negative behavior.
For example, Helen gets upset every time Harry mentions that he wants to play golf. Rather than face a 2-hour lecture he usually finds it easier to just stay home. One day, however, he gets angry and accuses her of being a nag who never understands him. Instead of answering back, Helen gets her feelings hurt, stomps off and gives him the silent treatment. Harry takes advantage of her "cold shoulder" and plays a few holes of golf!
Jennifer wins the same "reward" at her new school. Few of the kids would talk to her and some were even making fun of her. She asked to stay in during recess, but the teacher said no. Eventually she gets into a fight and pushes another girl down. The teacher tells Jennifer that fighting is against the rules and she will have to stay inside. What did Jennifer learn? Ask the teacher respectfully and you will not get what you want. Push someone and you can avoid recess!
We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.
What do they really want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate - even work extra hard - to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.
What can I do about it?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as "part of life." We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others reasoning that "Maybe it's me."
Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change our selves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
The good news is that because we are partly responsible there is something we can do to create and maintain relationships where we are treated respectfully. That's great news! By focusing on our selves and the changes we can make in our own behaviors and reactions, we can begin to take control of how other people treat us - today!
Take Action!
Think about two difficult people in your life.
Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.
Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
Would they describe you as the difficult person? If so, what would they say?
Healing from Relationships
Question: Alana, I have recently ended a long term relationship. I am wanting to love again but I am not sure how to do so. I could use some relationship advice. How do you open your heart again when you feel it is risky to do so?
Answer: Begin, that is the only way. You put one foot in front of the other and you keep examining what it is that your heart brings you. You gather more and more evidence that your heart is the place that holds truth. Your heart is the place that gathers love. Your heart is the place where you gain a greater sense of knowing yourself.
The heart is your resource.
It is your highway.
It is the place where you can connect to infinite wisdom,
infinite intelligence,
infinite love,
and infinite joy.
The first awareness is to just allow the possibility that your heart could bring you great joy. Then take one small incremental step at a time each day by evoking or creating an experience where your heart gets to feel joy. You can begin by bringing something to you each day that will align you with an expression within your heart. Do something where you will get to feel joy from within. It may be something you do for another. It could be something that you do for yourself. Most importantly, acknowledge that your heart is there to serve you.
Thank you dear one.
--Alana
Answer: Begin, that is the only way. You put one foot in front of the other and you keep examining what it is that your heart brings you. You gather more and more evidence that your heart is the place that holds truth. Your heart is the place that gathers love. Your heart is the place where you gain a greater sense of knowing yourself.
The heart is your resource.
It is your highway.
It is the place where you can connect to infinite wisdom,
infinite intelligence,
infinite love,
and infinite joy.
The first awareness is to just allow the possibility that your heart could bring you great joy. Then take one small incremental step at a time each day by evoking or creating an experience where your heart gets to feel joy. You can begin by bringing something to you each day that will align you with an expression within your heart. Do something where you will get to feel joy from within. It may be something you do for another. It could be something that you do for yourself. Most importantly, acknowledge that your heart is there to serve you.
Thank you dear one.
--Alana
Choosing Self Discovery for Building Bridges in Marriage
Question: Will my husband and I stay together marriage wise after all these years of challenges and changes? Thank you.
Answer: Hello, dear one! It feels that you both have definite deep connections and that the two of you came together to teach each other and learn much from each other. It feels that it is up to you both whether or not you stay together. It is not something that is predestined, you know. It is a choice that each of you can make.
Alana feels that you can find ways to rekindle your love and ways to bring more light into your relationship. This is a conscious choice that each of you can make. All relationships take work in committing to be there for each other and committing yourselves to communicating what you feel, think, need. It is important to share ones individuality so that relationships can continue building bridges between the two individuals daily. And the bridges that are built are what create the staying power or the connection that carries forth the expansion of the relationship into the future.
So, as long as you are open and continue to share and talk of your heart and your partner does the same you will find compatibilities that will keep you together and a new life can enter your relationship.
Alana appreciates your question. I have hopes that you will continue your self discovery to really begin to discover parts of yourself while turning towards ways of expressing your uniqueness. This will bring new joy into your heart and this joy will expand out into your world and effect those you love in positive ways.
Thank you, dear one, for your question.
--Alana
Answer: Hello, dear one! It feels that you both have definite deep connections and that the two of you came together to teach each other and learn much from each other. It feels that it is up to you both whether or not you stay together. It is not something that is predestined, you know. It is a choice that each of you can make.
Alana feels that you can find ways to rekindle your love and ways to bring more light into your relationship. This is a conscious choice that each of you can make. All relationships take work in committing to be there for each other and committing yourselves to communicating what you feel, think, need. It is important to share ones individuality so that relationships can continue building bridges between the two individuals daily. And the bridges that are built are what create the staying power or the connection that carries forth the expansion of the relationship into the future.
So, as long as you are open and continue to share and talk of your heart and your partner does the same you will find compatibilities that will keep you together and a new life can enter your relationship.
Alana appreciates your question. I have hopes that you will continue your self discovery to really begin to discover parts of yourself while turning towards ways of expressing your uniqueness. This will bring new joy into your heart and this joy will expand out into your world and effect those you love in positive ways.
Thank you, dear one, for your question.
--Alana
Question: My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of problems and I could use some relationship advice. He has physically abused me twice in one mon
Answer: Hello, dear one! Thank you for bringing forth your question. First of all, dear one, recognize that love is something that you must give yourself before you can create it with another. Secondly, recognize that it is okay to have needs, that it is okay to identify with what your needs are, and to hold them as non-negotiable elements.
So, dear one, you have a need to be treated with love and you have a need to be treated with dignity. Do not compromise this. Recognize the individuals who come into your life and treat you less than you desire are individuals that also need to learn how to love themselves. When an individual takes an action to another that is abusive, it is an action that they are really doing to themselves. You see?
This is because we are all connected and what we do to another we are doing to ourselves. So, his action towards you is really about wanting to abuse himself, either because it occurred to him when he was younger, or perhaps, because he feels he does not deserve. So, dear one, these are things that he needs to figure out for himself and not at your expense. By holding him able to heal himself, holding him able to come to terms with his own emotions and his own actions, it supports loving him as well as it supports you loving yourself.
Alana wants to point you in a direction of getting in touch with who you are and recognizing what you would like your life to look like. Then, begin reinforcing this by making a commitment to identify your needs and holding them strong.
You will have needs that are non-negotiable, and you will have needs that are negotiable. But, really be attentive in defining who you are, what you desire, and what brings you joy.
You see, when we invite others into our life that only blend with perhaps a couple of our needs, then we are not true to ourselves, and we are expressing a lack of love for our own nature. The only way to bring about a balanced world, one where we are all expressive, creative souls, is to truly love one's self.
So, Alana suggests that is your first step dear one. It is having compassion for yourself and to create a greater definition of your own identity, so that you will have a stronger awareness of what you bring into your life and how it will blend with the vibration that is you.
Thank you for your question, dear one. Alana sees you happy and well, knowing that you can create this definition.
Thank you, dear one.
--Alana
So, dear one, you have a need to be treated with love and you have a need to be treated with dignity. Do not compromise this. Recognize the individuals who come into your life and treat you less than you desire are individuals that also need to learn how to love themselves. When an individual takes an action to another that is abusive, it is an action that they are really doing to themselves. You see?
This is because we are all connected and what we do to another we are doing to ourselves. So, his action towards you is really about wanting to abuse himself, either because it occurred to him when he was younger, or perhaps, because he feels he does not deserve. So, dear one, these are things that he needs to figure out for himself and not at your expense. By holding him able to heal himself, holding him able to come to terms with his own emotions and his own actions, it supports loving him as well as it supports you loving yourself.
Alana wants to point you in a direction of getting in touch with who you are and recognizing what you would like your life to look like. Then, begin reinforcing this by making a commitment to identify your needs and holding them strong.
You will have needs that are non-negotiable, and you will have needs that are negotiable. But, really be attentive in defining who you are, what you desire, and what brings you joy.
You see, when we invite others into our life that only blend with perhaps a couple of our needs, then we are not true to ourselves, and we are expressing a lack of love for our own nature. The only way to bring about a balanced world, one where we are all expressive, creative souls, is to truly love one's self.
So, Alana suggests that is your first step dear one. It is having compassion for yourself and to create a greater definition of your own identity, so that you will have a stronger awareness of what you bring into your life and how it will blend with the vibration that is you.
Thank you for your question, dear one. Alana sees you happy and well, knowing that you can create this definition.
Thank you, dear one.
--Alana
Friday, September 21, 2007
Dealing With Depression
from Focus on the Family
Depression is a disease that can make marriage miserable. When one spouse is depressed, it affects both partners. It can rob emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy and drives both parties into isolation.
If your spouse is depressed, you might feel ignored, unimportant and frustrated. Maybe you wonder why your mate can’t just turn off the negativity and get on with life. If you’re the one who is depressed, perhaps you wish that your spouse would get off your back and you’re feeling trapped with little hope for recovery.
There is hope.
No matter who is suffering from depression, we can help. There are many people who have already traveled this dark road and have provided information we hope will bring encouragement.
Isn’t it time to take steps toward healing? The sooner you act, the sooner you can change your relationship for the better.
Depression is a disease that can make marriage miserable. When one spouse is depressed, it affects both partners. It can rob emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy and drives both parties into isolation.
If your spouse is depressed, you might feel ignored, unimportant and frustrated. Maybe you wonder why your mate can’t just turn off the negativity and get on with life. If you’re the one who is depressed, perhaps you wish that your spouse would get off your back and you’re feeling trapped with little hope for recovery.
There is hope.
No matter who is suffering from depression, we can help. There are many people who have already traveled this dark road and have provided information we hope will bring encouragement.
Isn’t it time to take steps toward healing? The sooner you act, the sooner you can change your relationship for the better.
Managing Temptation Article Overview
by Scott Stanley
When you pick one path, it's natural to wonder about the others, especially if the path you've chosen gets rocky. In marriage, maybes and what-ifs are most dangerous when your commitment to your marriage is lagging and the person you're thinking of is available (that is, single or in the process of divorce).
Cindy and Martin — and Frank
Cindy and Martin had been married for 12 years. They had three children between the ages of five and nine. Like most couples, they'd had their ups and downs, but basically their marriage was good.
Then Martin, a salesman, was made a district manager and had to start traveling more. The new work left him tired and less available to the family. This caused Cindy to be stressed and unhappy. And because both she and Martin were busier than ever, they stopped going out together and became increasingly irritable with each other.
During this period Cindy, a pharmacist, began to talk more and more with her coworker Frank. She and Frank, who was attractive and divorced, had been working together for five years and had grown to appreciate each other as friends. As Cindy became more unhappy at home, she became increasingly happy to share her thoughts and feelings at work with Frank. Frank really listened to her and understood the stress she was under.
Cindy soon realized that her attraction to Frank was growing beyond mere friendship. She liked feeling what she felt, but it also scared her. After all, I'm married to Martin, not to Frank, she reflected. But Frank seemed very interested in her. She wondered if they would date if she left Frank, and started to play various scenarios over and over in her mind.
Like Cindy, you have the choice either to dwell on the what-ifs or to put that energy into nurturing your marriage and making it as rich as possible. The remaining parts of this article cover specific strategies for protecting your marriage from attractive alternatives.
Adapted excerpt from The Power of Commitment: A Guide to Active, Lifelong Love by Scott M. Stanley. Copyright © 2005 Scott M. Stanley. This material used by permission of John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
When you pick one path, it's natural to wonder about the others, especially if the path you've chosen gets rocky. In marriage, maybes and what-ifs are most dangerous when your commitment to your marriage is lagging and the person you're thinking of is available (that is, single or in the process of divorce).
Cindy and Martin — and Frank
Cindy and Martin had been married for 12 years. They had three children between the ages of five and nine. Like most couples, they'd had their ups and downs, but basically their marriage was good.
Then Martin, a salesman, was made a district manager and had to start traveling more. The new work left him tired and less available to the family. This caused Cindy to be stressed and unhappy. And because both she and Martin were busier than ever, they stopped going out together and became increasingly irritable with each other.
During this period Cindy, a pharmacist, began to talk more and more with her coworker Frank. She and Frank, who was attractive and divorced, had been working together for five years and had grown to appreciate each other as friends. As Cindy became more unhappy at home, she became increasingly happy to share her thoughts and feelings at work with Frank. Frank really listened to her and understood the stress she was under.
Cindy soon realized that her attraction to Frank was growing beyond mere friendship. She liked feeling what she felt, but it also scared her. After all, I'm married to Martin, not to Frank, she reflected. But Frank seemed very interested in her. She wondered if they would date if she left Frank, and started to play various scenarios over and over in her mind.
Like Cindy, you have the choice either to dwell on the what-ifs or to put that energy into nurturing your marriage and making it as rich as possible. The remaining parts of this article cover specific strategies for protecting your marriage from attractive alternatives.
Adapted excerpt from The Power of Commitment: A Guide to Active, Lifelong Love by Scott M. Stanley. Copyright © 2005 Scott M. Stanley. This material used by permission of John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
WOMEN FOR WOMEN SENDING POSITIVE ENERGY YOUR WAY
One of the biggest challenges many people face that gets in the
way of them creating the kind of relationship they really want is
that they take on the attitude of "why even try" because getting
what they want seems so overwhelming.
It's been said that a journey of one thousand miles begins with a
single step. For some people who want to make their relationships
better and are overwhelmed, even that first step seems so difficult,
if not impossible.
With that in mind, we want to introduce you to a very simple shift in
thinking. If you apply it, this shift will help you create the kind of
love
and relationships that you really want.
Here's a totally unrelated example from our own lives to explain what
we're talking about...
Listening to good music has always been important to us and has
given us a great deal of pleasure.
Since we started buying recordings of music concerts of our favorite
artists
on dvd, we decided that we wanted to upgrade the sound on our
television.
The problem was--since we're in the middle of so many projects in our
relationship coaching business, most of the sound systems that we
heard in those specialty sound stores sounded great and we loved them
but they were also more money that we wanted to spend right now on a
sound system for our TV.
So, Otto, being the determined person that he is, researched equipment
and finally found a small sound system that suited our needs and budget
right now. After buying this sound system, we can really enjoy the
music
of our favorite artists the way we like to hear it.
Is it the best sound system? No, but it certainly is a step up from
what we
had before.
What does our new sound system have to do with creating great
relationships?
We did not give up and quit our dream of having a good sound system
for our television just because the ones we really liked seemed out of
reach right now.
We found a way to take a step toward having what we wanted and it
turned out to be a great improvement over what we had. The simple
shift we made was to take one satisfying step forward and appreciate
it.
You can do this with any of your relationships, no matter what kind
or in what shape they are in right now.
Start by taking a baby step. Discover what you want, make it a
priority in your life, take one step toward it and appreciate your
progress along with way.
Here's what we mean...
A common problem that many of our coaching clients and people who
write to us face is how to deal with a partner who they can't seem to
communicate with. Communication might have been easy at one time,
but now it seems strained and there is distance between the two people.
What's does it mean to take a baby step when there's a communication
"brick wall" between the two of you?
Of course, every relationship is different but there's a simple shift
you can make if you want to take a step toward better communication.
Notice one thing YOU do to stop the communication. Here are a few
examples:
*Do you multi-task when you or another person is talking?
*Does your mind wander when you're supposed to be listening?
*Do you immediately get defensive and make up stories about what the
person said without asking for clarification?
*Do you insist that you are right and the other person is wrong?
*Do you find yourself judging the other person?
Taking a baby step to better communication may be saying "Yes, I do
this and I'm willing to stop doing it for a week (or even a day) and
see what happens."
When you are successful at stopping your habits that get in the way
of your communication, make sure that you appreciate yourself for
what you've done.
Does this mean that the other person doesn't have any responsibility
to change? Of course not. If does mean that if you want changes to
happen in your relationships, you need to start by identifying what
is holding you back from what you want and then take a small step
toward it by changing "you."
Changes in relationships usually don't happen overnight but they do
happen if you begin making the shifts that will bring them about.
Go ahead-start reaching for what you want!
way of them creating the kind of relationship they really want is
that they take on the attitude of "why even try" because getting
what they want seems so overwhelming.
It's been said that a journey of one thousand miles begins with a
single step. For some people who want to make their relationships
better and are overwhelmed, even that first step seems so difficult,
if not impossible.
With that in mind, we want to introduce you to a very simple shift in
thinking. If you apply it, this shift will help you create the kind of
love
and relationships that you really want.
Here's a totally unrelated example from our own lives to explain what
we're talking about...
Listening to good music has always been important to us and has
given us a great deal of pleasure.
Since we started buying recordings of music concerts of our favorite
artists
on dvd, we decided that we wanted to upgrade the sound on our
television.
The problem was--since we're in the middle of so many projects in our
relationship coaching business, most of the sound systems that we
heard in those specialty sound stores sounded great and we loved them
but they were also more money that we wanted to spend right now on a
sound system for our TV.
So, Otto, being the determined person that he is, researched equipment
and finally found a small sound system that suited our needs and budget
right now. After buying this sound system, we can really enjoy the
music
of our favorite artists the way we like to hear it.
Is it the best sound system? No, but it certainly is a step up from
what we
had before.
What does our new sound system have to do with creating great
relationships?
We did not give up and quit our dream of having a good sound system
for our television just because the ones we really liked seemed out of
reach right now.
We found a way to take a step toward having what we wanted and it
turned out to be a great improvement over what we had. The simple
shift we made was to take one satisfying step forward and appreciate
it.
You can do this with any of your relationships, no matter what kind
or in what shape they are in right now.
Start by taking a baby step. Discover what you want, make it a
priority in your life, take one step toward it and appreciate your
progress along with way.
Here's what we mean...
A common problem that many of our coaching clients and people who
write to us face is how to deal with a partner who they can't seem to
communicate with. Communication might have been easy at one time,
but now it seems strained and there is distance between the two people.
What's does it mean to take a baby step when there's a communication
"brick wall" between the two of you?
Of course, every relationship is different but there's a simple shift
you can make if you want to take a step toward better communication.
Notice one thing YOU do to stop the communication. Here are a few
examples:
*Do you multi-task when you or another person is talking?
*Does your mind wander when you're supposed to be listening?
*Do you immediately get defensive and make up stories about what the
person said without asking for clarification?
*Do you insist that you are right and the other person is wrong?
*Do you find yourself judging the other person?
Taking a baby step to better communication may be saying "Yes, I do
this and I'm willing to stop doing it for a week (or even a day) and
see what happens."
When you are successful at stopping your habits that get in the way
of your communication, make sure that you appreciate yourself for
what you've done.
Does this mean that the other person doesn't have any responsibility
to change? Of course not. If does mean that if you want changes to
happen in your relationships, you need to start by identifying what
is holding you back from what you want and then take a small step
toward it by changing "you."
Changes in relationships usually don't happen overnight but they do
happen if you begin making the shifts that will bring them about.
Go ahead-start reaching for what you want!
The Argument Women Can't Win
• When it comes to fighting and disagreeing with men, women frequently make a critical mistake which ends up causing them to feel hurt and lonely. When I see a female client for Relationship Advice I frequently encounter this scenario. During a routine conversation there is a disagreement between the woman and her husband/boyfriend.
•
• t starts out in a logical manner with two competent speaking adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement. Then at some point in the discussion that woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner. All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed and the man feels he has been betrayed.
•
• While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem. No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish. In the business world, accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good.
•
• This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if her idea is so good then she should be able to prove it. "She wants to prove her point so I'll prove mine. May the best man win," is how he thinks and has no idea that she only wants to be heard/understood.
•
• When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical which causes them to react in anger. Men say to themselves, "She ask me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!" He has been blind sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain.
•
• The man feels tricked by acting strong only to pull the feelings card out when she was starting to loose the argument so now he feels entitled to punish her. That really is how most men think in that scenario.
•
• If you are a woman, a practical rule when discussing a topic is that if you want to debate, prove or compete with your boyfriend/husband then stay in that role throughout the discussion. If you want to be understood or nurtured, then relate to him by sharing how you feel about the subject.
•
• Don't switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss things with you in the future. He'll be afraid of you dropping the feelings bomb.
•
• Most of the time I would suggest that you start off softly by speaking to him about how you feel concerning the issue so he can recognize your feelings which will signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive.
•
• On the occasions you do need to prove your point, hold your ground regardless of how you feel. Remember it doesn't matter as much which way you relate to him, the most important thing you can do is not to combine the two.
•
• Copyright by Bob Grant, L.P.C. 2006 All rights reserved
HI LADIES FOUND THIS ARTICLE AND YOU WILL LIKE IT .
•
• t starts out in a logical manner with two competent speaking adults simply talking about a problem or disagreement. Then at some point in the discussion that woman gets her feelings hurt and responds in an emotional manner. All of a sudden the entire dynamic of the conversation has changed and the man feels he has been betrayed.
•
• While the discussion was logical and factual, it had the similar feel of a business meeting where everyone has the sole goal of finding the answer to the problem. No one would dare interject their feelings into such a discussion for fear they would be viewed has weak and childish. In the business world, accomplishing the task is the primary goal, not making everyone feel good.
•
• This is how a man views a discussion that is logical and factual. He believes that if her idea is so good then she should be able to prove it. "She wants to prove her point so I'll prove mine. May the best man win," is how he thinks and has no idea that she only wants to be heard/understood.
•
• When women interject their feelings into a discussion that has become competitive, it makes men feel as though they are being blamed for being logical which causes them to react in anger. Men say to themselves, "She ask me to prove my point and when I do she gets her feelings hurt!" He has been blind sided by the one thing that makes him feel powerless, a woman in pain.
•
• The man feels tricked by acting strong only to pull the feelings card out when she was starting to loose the argument so now he feels entitled to punish her. That really is how most men think in that scenario.
•
• If you are a woman, a practical rule when discussing a topic is that if you want to debate, prove or compete with your boyfriend/husband then stay in that role throughout the discussion. If you want to be understood or nurtured, then relate to him by sharing how you feel about the subject.
•
• Don't switch to becoming a soft, feeling and vulnerable woman after you have presented yourself logically. All that will do is encourage him not to discuss things with you in the future. He'll be afraid of you dropping the feelings bomb.
•
• Most of the time I would suggest that you start off softly by speaking to him about how you feel concerning the issue so he can recognize your feelings which will signal to him that you are not trying to be competitive.
•
• On the occasions you do need to prove your point, hold your ground regardless of how you feel. Remember it doesn't matter as much which way you relate to him, the most important thing you can do is not to combine the two.
•
• Copyright by Bob Grant, L.P.C. 2006 All rights reserved
HI LADIES FOUND THIS ARTICLE AND YOU WILL LIKE IT .
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